would like a response

Lately, I’ve been feeling like something has changed in me — like I have changed, and like my feelings for my boyfriend have faded or shifted. It’s one of the worst sensations I’ve ever felt. I keep thinking things like “I don’t love him like before” or “I’ve changed too much to feel anything now.” Sometimes when he calls me or makes a joke, I get irritated for no reason. I feel like I’m being mean, cold, disconnected — and then guilt crashes down on me. I remember how I used to feel: warm, close, expressive. And now… I just don’t feel the same. That makes me think: “Maybe I’ve fallen out of love.” But I’m also constantly anxious. I overthink every moment. I can’t relax into anything without analyzing if what I feel is “right.” It makes me wonder — maybe I haven’t actually changed. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed and tired from months of these thoughts and fears. I don’t know how to feel right now. I just want to believe that this disconnection isn’t proof that love is gone, but a sign that I’m scared and burnt out.

OCDWarr1or

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

None of us can know what you really feel. But I can tell you is that OCD attacks things we care about. So it's very possible that you cared so much about this relationship, that OCD targeted it. That's how OCD works. You say it's one of the worst 'sensations.' That's OCD talk. People with OCD struggle to handle how things feel. They want the feelings gone. The reality is, we have to walk through the uncomfortable feelings and sensations, with them often getting worse, and it taking a long time. You really need to dig down in and find out the core fear behind this. Is it fear of hurting him and being a bad person? Is it fear of being alone? Is it afraid of feeling guilty? Etc. You have to ask yourself what is the worse thing that happens if you don't love him. And I said IF.

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

@HopeForToday i think the fear is to lose feelings and be a bad person and hurt him… because my relationship is perfect , only the thoughts ruins it, but im scared that bc this is my fear that i cant accept the truj

OCDWarr1or

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

@Mariabae You're probably going to need to change your perspective on yourself. Seeing yourself as valuable and worthwhile, even if you do make mistakes (hurt people). None of us are getting out of this life without being hurt and without hurting. That's the reality of the human condition.

sophea

Date posted: 13w

Do you have a therapist to talk about this with? It's just difficult to suggest anything from the outside looking in.

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

@sophea Yes, I do have a therapist, but some of the things she’s told me have actually made me more confused and doubtful, not less. I completely understand it’s hard to suggest anything from the outside — but that’s also why I post here. Sometimes I don’t even expect a perfect solution… I just feel so lost and scared and wish someone could gently tell me what to do, or at least help me see a direction. It’s really painful to sit with this on my own, and I just needed to feel like someone hears me — that I’m not crazy or broken. Thank you for responding, even just being seen helps a little.

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

please i dont understand what i wrong with me

My boyfriend told me that he feels like he’s losing me, that I’ve changed, that I never seem happy to see him anymore, and that I haven’t told him I love him in a long time. Hearing this completely broke me. I feel numb, stuck, and unable to process my emotions. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. What if he’s right? What if I don’t love him anymore and I’m just in denial? I want to feel something when I’m with him, but I feel blocked. I feel like I can’t express love the way I used to, and now he’s noticing it too. That makes me feel even worse, because he doesn’t deserve this. He’s been trying to help me, but he told me that I’m not changing, and now I feel like I’m the problem. Even when I’m calm, I still feel disconnected. My brain doesn’t work the same anymore—I can’t think clearly, I can’t process my emotions like I used to. I thought that when my anxiety would go down, I would finally feel normal again, but even in moments of calm, I feel like I don’t know what’s real. I feel like a horrible person, like I’m emotionally unavailable and ruining everything. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just want to go back to how I used to feel, when love wasn’t something I questioned every second. im ruining my relationship

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

i feel horible

My boyfriend told me that he feels like he’s losing me, that I’ve changed, and that I don’t seem happy to see him anymore. I know that this should hurt me deeply, but when he said it, I didn’t feel anything. And now I’m terrified. Why didn’t I react? Why didn’t I feel instant sadness or guilt? It’s like I was emotionally blocked, like I didn’t care at all—and that thought is destroying me. What if this means I don’t love him? What if I’ve just been lying to myself and I don’t want to accept the truth? I feel so disconnected and numb. My brain keeps telling me: “If you really cared, you would feel something.” But instead, I feel nothing. And the fact that I feel nothing makes me panic even more. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I used to feel so much, and now it’s like I can’t access my emotions at all. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to feel like this forever. I just want to feel normal again

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

Tomorrow is our 2-year anniversary, and I feel absolutely nothing.

It hurts so much to write that. Lately, every time I talk to my boyfriend — whether it’s through text or in person — I feel this deep irritation, like everything he says or does annoys me. Sometimes, it even feels like disgust, and it’s terrifying. I don’t feel love. I don’t feel excitement. I don’t even feel sadness about not feeling anything… just numb. I look at him and I don’t feel like I used to. I don’t know what happened to me. I used to be so sure I loved him, and now I feel like a completely different person — cold, distant, empty. My brain keeps telling me: “You don’t love him anymore. You never did. You’re only staying out of habit.” My mom told me that if I don’t like him anymore, then I’m hurting both him and myself by staying in this. And hearing that broke me. Because that’s exactly what I fear — that I’m faking everything, and I just don’t want to admit the truth. I feel so lost. And I don’t know how to separate my thoughts from reality anymore. All I know is that I want to feel something again — anything. Because right now, all I feel is guilt, fear, and confusion. i used to know these thoughts are just thoughts and that if i didn’t have them i would be so happy but now, i cant think aboyr that bc the thoughts feel too real.

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