im scared

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

It's possible you have changed, and that's ok. It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on the relationship to last forever and that's just not something you can possibly know. It might help to let go of the idea that it has to work out, so you can focus your attention less on concerns about the future and more on the present moment and ask yourself if you're really happy with him. If you are, then great, but just know that that still doesn't mean it will last forever, and that's ok! You should just enjoy it while it lasts. But if you really have been having doubts about the relationship for a year and a half, breaking up just might be what ultimately needs to happen and that's ok too. Break ups are hard. My first big break up was very very hard but bc I made that big decision then, I'm now in a much happier and fulfilling relationship that I never would have had if I had stayed with my ex. Don't let fear of the unknown run your life. There are endless possibilities and outcomes, and some of them are even better than you could imagine! I'd say trust yourself to make the right decision in the present moment and accept the fact that that decision can change in the future. Just know that you will change a lot throughout the course of your life, and that is a perfectly normal and beautiful thing.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

@Anonymous Thank you for taking the time to answer me — truly. I know your message was well intentioned, and I respect your experience. But I feel like I need to clarify something, because what I’m going through is not just a matter of “relationship doubts” or “maybe it’s not working.” What I’m dealing with is Relationship OCD (ROCD) — and it’s not the same as outgrowing a relationship. My pain doesn’t come from fights, or abuse, or incompatibility. My relationship is loving and supportive. The pain comes from constant, intrusive, obsessive thoughts like: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re faking everything.” • “You have to figure this out NOW.” I’ve been in this cycle for over a year and a half — questioning 24/7, crying, panicking, feeling detached and numb, then guilty for being numb. Sometimes I feel a strange calm and then I panic again thinking: “Maybe that means I finally accepted I don’t love him.” The problem is not the relationship. It’s the fear around the relationship. It’s the pressure to know for sure. It’s the endless guilt, shame, and self-doubt. I’m not scared to leave — I’m scared because I actually care deeply. This relationship isn’t toxic or wrong. It just feels heavy because my mind has turned it into a battleground. So while I appreciate your message, I just wanted to share a different perspective — the experience of someone struggling with ROCD. The solution is not to break up and “see what happens.” The solution is to heal the obsessive thinking and let my real self — and real feelings — come back to the surface. I don’t need clarity right now. I need compassion. And I thank you again for holding space for my words.

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

@Mariabae I hear you. Sorry if I triggered you with my response. I appreciate you holding your ground though - that already seems like a good sign that you're going to overcome it! Best of luck.

OCDWarr1or

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12w

@Mariabae It sounds like you are very sure you have ROCD, which I know you have questioned. If you know this, the best you can do is response prevention. It's going to be very hard, but you can do it. And you will come out of d this.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

@HopeForToday i am sure and i am not at the same time, because my therapist told me ocd is not characterized as what i am going through…

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

please read please

I am so tired of this. I feel ashamed of myself. I waited until it was late to post this because I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend is at my house right now. We saw each other today—he brought me a bouquet of flowers, we went out, and then came back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking that he was annoying me or that I couldn’t stand him, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt irritated and distant the entire time. And when we got home, it got even worse. We ended up arguing because of how distant I was, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that I don’t love him, that I don’t like him, that I’m a liar, and that I’m just pretending when I’m with him. I kept thinking that I’m only with him because I’m used to him and that I just don’t want to accept the truth that I don’t love him. When he hugged me, I couldn’t be present. When we kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. He kissed me, and I couldn’t even focus or try to connect with what was happening—I just wanted to cry. I feel like a liar who refuses to accept the truth. I started going to therapy, but I’ve only had one session. My psychologist told me to write in a journal, to reflect on what role fear plays in my life and why I feel so unsettled. I wrote, “The possibility that my thoughts might be true.” But now I just think I’m lying—to myself, to my boyfriend, even to my psychologist—because I want to believe I love him, but my mind tells me I don’t feel anything. I couldn’t even sit comfortably with him, I couldn’t enjoy being in his arms—I just felt sad. I’m so scared that this is real. It feels real. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m lying to everyone. Like I’m in denial. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 21w

i feel so bad

I feel so lost. My boyfriend tries so hard to help me, but nothing seems to work. Every time he reassures me, my mind finds another doubt. He asks me, “So you’ve been questioning if you love me for almost 2 years?” and instead of feeling comforted, my mind jumps to “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him.” I keep telling him every thought that comes to my mind, hoping for relief, but it never lasts. I feel anxious, disconnected, and stuck in this endless cycle. He tells me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t care so much about these thoughts. But still, my brain won’t stop questioning everything. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Why does it feel like I’m forcing something? Why do I feel like I can’t just know how I feel? I want to feel okay. I want to be present with him without analyzing every moment. But no matter what I do, my mind keeps telling me “What if you don’t love him?” I feel like I’m stuck between wanting clarity and being terrified of what that clarity might mean. It feels so real, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do.

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

respond please

i went to therapy today and i told her about the lack of feeling i gave with my boyfriend, when we do anything, and all the anger i feel for no reason and she somehow told me im not sure i didnt understand it that , it dosent make sense that i want to love him but i dont feel love and i feel disgust when we kiss and thinngs and that i cant accept the truth????? like she is telling me i have lots of fear in me and im telling her im scared that i dont love him but this relationship is making me feel sad and uneassy when i want to be happy and calm bur i kept telling her all of this is bc of the thoughts and she told me that the thoughts are suppose to ease ar least when i am with him… i didnt tell my bf i wrnt to therapy bc he thinks they only want money, and that they can help me but i hav to help myself, and last time i went to therapy i wasnt feeling better and he is wondering how i wasnt feeling any better and that its strange to him to do “steps “ like this bc they only want money. And i left more confused and sad because she confirmed my fears somehow? i dont understand. im just scared i dont actually love him and that i only put high expectations on this relationship and i cant accept the truth. She told me , after i told her i always told people that these thoughts are not true bc they felt out of place, that we can say one thing and feel one thing and i felt like she was telling me again that these thoughts are real. I know im sad and miserable but i dont want to be like this, im scared that i iust matured and i simply dont love him

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

im scared

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community