another night of anxiety ̗̀(ꀬ-ꀬ )

i am so, so awful at handling my health ocd, it's starting to feel like a big joke with how well i should be able to handle it now after over a year with health ocd at the forefront of my anxiety-riddled mind... and yet, even with time, the nonsense that this disorder brings up every night continues to make me so anxious. i've been really stressed out with my college finals and my relationship, which i know has a negative effect on both how i'm feeling physically AND my ocd. (ಡ᎔ಡ) i finally started to manage my headaches (allergy related, but they were severe and went on for 4 weeks so you may understand what i thought was going on), my anxiety lessens as my symptoms subside, and my heart anxiety comes back immediately. now i'm in bed, after having just submitted my second to last final for this semester, and i'm reading into every single body pain i have as a symptom of [thing i don't want to happen but don't want to type out and continue giving attention to]. as morbid as it sounds, part of me wishes my brain would go back to obsessing over my last main obsession... which is crazy to say, given that it was what caused me to seek a specialist and get diagnosed because of how severely it was impacting my life, but seriously. it feels like it was so much easier to deal with (it wasn't, in reality, but time and new stressors have a way of making the past softer than it was). - ̗̀(ꀬ⏖ꀬ∴) i have work at 8am, so i have to just hope i wake up in the morning and get to go about my day... my final today being all about death and dying (a philosophy class) probably did not help me even a little. life goes on, though, i guess. at least i hope it does. (my magical thinking ocd so wants to freak out, but i am a chill guy. no freaking out for now.) hope you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals are doing okay out there. feel free to use the comments to vent or ramble about life or talk about stuff you wish you could tell a friend about. you've read this far, so you deserve a space to talk too. ( ॑˘ ॑* )

Purple moon

Date posted: 12w

I can relate to most of that! I was crying from a migraine brought on from ocd and a bad episode night and of course I couldn’t sleep. I went on social media and my algorithm is mental health. And here I am still with a migraine and wanting to be sleeping but can’t. This platform seems nice I just started!

cinnanamoroll

Date posted: 12w

@Green thumb this app is really good, i'm glad you're with us! my headaches were migraine-like without the light sensitivity for the most part, so i understand the suffering and also the "i need to sleep but can't so i will be on my phone" of it all lol!

Purple moon

Date posted: 12w

I am a night owl and work midnights Light sensitive and world sensitive. Agoraphobia but still have to make some money and tonight is a night off work so being awake and on my phone is most likely happening. Lol

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

Hi cinnamon are you still able to seek professional help to gain tips and tailored routine to manage week by week? When humans are in stress and fearful on top of all your physical ailments causing a cycle of anxiety because it's mostly caused by also anxiety, the brain, body and heart goes out of sync. It works on a skeleton crew (pun intended) to provide bare maintenance to survive rather than rest nor solve the circumstances. People with OCD or any disorder have to do a few more steps and more emotional lifting than those without a disorder. Yet it is doable and manageable, you survived and even lived before with knowing less than you know now. Sending vibes for you to get proper rest and get through finals smoothly to enjoy your relationship which also includes taking care of your relationship to yourself. You're working hard and doing great. L OCD is being an annoying back seat driver trying to say the GPS is wrong. You are in the main driver seat, you got this. Eventually with practice sitting in with the noise your customer skills can improve towards your OCD "maybe I will or will not make it work, yet let's try and find out together"

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