dark thoughts

I am so tired, guilty, and scared of my thoughts. They are very dark and evil, and I can’t stand thinking about them anymore. It’s always the same dark thoughts every day, wishing death and bad things on my loved ones and even other people. I keep thinking about it daily, and it causes me so much stress. I love my family, and I don’t want them to die. I would be willing to sacrifice my life just for them to live. I always tell myself that I should be the one to die first, not my parents, because I’m a horrible person. I don’t know what would happen to me if they were gone. I badly want to stop having these dark and evil thoughts, but I can’t ignore them. Sometimes I try arguing with them, but it’s still hard to stop. How can I stop them? They’re so repetitive, and it feels like I’m going crazy while thinking about them. I feel like God won’t forgive me for having these kinds of thoughts. I can’t forgive myself, and I really hate myself. I hate myself so much because why would I think about such evil things? Why did it have to get to the point where I’m wishing death and horrible things on the people I love? I feel disgusting, and I don’t think I can love myself anymore because of these thoughts. My brain keeps telling me that I like the thoughts, that I really mean them. But what if I really do mean them? What if I actually want it? What if I think these things on purpose? I can’t do this anymore. I just want to die if I have to spend the rest of my life with these dark, evil thoughts especially toward my loved ones. I’m not suicidal, but I think dying is the only way to stop having these thoughts. I can’t look at myself the same way again. I don’t think I deserve anything good in life.

yoooff

Date posted: 3d ago

Who said to you all that . .. it's the OCD thoughts not your real self... You are genuinely a very good person we and your loved ones knows.... Let them pass those thoughts feelings... They means nothing.... Stay with us please... Don't think like that

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

Please remember that a thought is a thought is a thought. It's not a threat or an action, just a thought. The goal is to become indifferent to them, which dimishes them. As My therapist taught me, it's not the content, but how we react to it, that's important. Are you in therapy?

darlyn

Date posted: 3d ago

No, I can't afford therapy and my family didn't know that I have ocd. I'm also a minor and we are financially unstable. I don't wanna be a burden.

yoooff

Date posted: 3d ago

@darlyn So Start therapy on your own... And we are here if you need support.... Just ignoring them works .... You are stronger than than those thoughts... You are not your thoughts.... You will get through it soon ... Stay with us hold on

Resilient_Wa...

Date posted: 3d ago

@darlyn dear, it's common for people to have thoughts.You being so worried about them indicate that "YOU R A GOOD PERSON!" Facts can't be denied.I have suffered from OCD since 8 years what I can say for sure is that just thinking doesn't mean action!

jam1993

Date posted: 2d ago

Hang in there! You CAN do this! I was walking through what you are walking through. It started with harming myself, then my son.. I was so distressed that I switched my thinking, like you, because I was so disgusted with myself, and I also thought God wouldn’t love me or forgive me. It made me feel so low. I struggle with it, but I just started therapy, and something you need to know is your thoughts are just that.. they are only thoughts. They come and they go. I have just been diagnosed with OCD, and I was scared that “I didn’t have it” and “what if I really want this?” You are not alone. It is probably the hardest season of my life, but I’m trying to let the thoughts pass and focus on the present. Keep yourself busy, read a book, or try some calming exercises. Those were hard for me at first, because I felt guilty being calm, but give yourself some grace and kindness.. this is hard, this feels scary, but remember you are not your thoughts. I understand completely how you feel, so much, that I cried on Mother’s Day thinking I didn’t deserve anything. I’m still here, fighting the battle, and it can be done.. just be patient with yourself. You are doing the best you can. You cannot control the thoughts that are coming in. I wanted to share my part to let you know that what your feelings are so very valid, you’re not alone, I have those thoughts too, and it will pass in time. You are here on purpose, and you are doing your very best.

darlyn

Date posted: 3d ago

but what should i do to stop having those dark thoughts? i can't just ignore them. i really wanna stop having those thoughts 😓

yoooff

Date posted: 3d ago

Yes we don't understand that many people have many thoughts that can be so negative or dark... But the more we push the thoughts away the more powerful they become... It's because it's based on fear not reality at all.... I know how hard it is to tolerate them but we have to face them in order to defeat them... Don't fear them ... Just observe... You should a see a therapist... And we are all here for you any time.... Stay with us please.. thoughts aren't threats and feelings aren't facts... We r not our thoughts.... You are genuinely a good person

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

@darlyn ERP therapy is a life saver 🫶 It will get you recovered from OCD. You don’t have to do it with a therapist. A lot of people manage to do it on their own with research. You can do ERP in the comfort of your own room. That’s what I do :)

darlyn

Date posted: 3d ago

Thank you so much 💗

darlyn

Date posted: 2d ago

Thank you so much! This really means a lot to me. I'm sorry you're going through this too. Honestly, I'm doing my best to ignore the thoughts and just let them pass. I keep reminding myself that they’re just intrusive thoughts. It's really hard, and I feel so guilty for trying to ignore the dark ones. Sitting with the discomfort is difficult, but I'm starting to realize that thoughts are just thoughts. I'm still scared, but I'm trying.

Jesuslover28

Date posted: 23w ago

Idk what to do

I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....

BeeCee87

Date posted: 23w ago

Intrusive thoughts Help.

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 19w ago

Self pleasure and intrusive thoughts :/

I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh

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dark thoughts

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