I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I love my dog. He just turned seven months old yesterday. But sometimes, I get so frustrated. I came home from work and I just wanted to sit down and relax and watch my favorite TV show. But then he started jumping on me, barking, and getting into things he shouldn’t be. On top of that, I was feeling lightheaded because I haven’t been taken Zoloft lately, which is completely my fault and irresponsible of me. My dog got into a laundry basket and tipped it over, spilling all the clothes on the floor and grabbing a pair of socks. I just lost it, at that point. I chased him and yelled at him and as I went to grab the socks from him, I thought about hitting him. I don’t think I did, but I don’t know. Either way, I’m truly disgusted with myself. I hate that that was my first automatic thought. What is wrong with me? I put him in his kennel for time out and I completely just lost it. I started crying and hyperventilating. I feel horrible for feeling sorry for myself when I’m not the one hurting here. I’m truly a disgusting manipulative POS that deserves to be locked away forever

Amilton

Date posted: 11w

I suggest you read on “impulsive thoughts” not intrusive ones caused by OCD. Specially the ones triggered by anger. Your reaction is completely normal and actually shows self control in my opinion. OCD will make you overthink and blow the smallest things out of proportion. It will take any normal life event and make it into something catastrophic. Try to practice not giving into the intrusive thoughts. Label them “OCD” and try to move on. Good luck 🍀

Imnew@this

Date posted: 11w

@Amilton Do the impulsive thoughts mean that I actually thought them and that’s who I truly am? A violent monster?

Amilton

Date posted: 11w

@Imnew@this Absolutely not. They are completely normal and not a definition of your character. Humans experience emotions and react in different ways. When you get angry at someone and you feel like yelling at them or even maybe punching them in the face if they get you angry enough those are usually impulsive thoughts, do these thoughts mean you’re a bad and violent person ? No. How you react to them is what matters. After feeling like yelling or punching someone in the face if you choose not to do it and just walk away that’s what matters, that’s what shows maturity and emotional intelligence. And hell there might situations where you might actually have to yell or punch someone in the face 🤣🤷🏽‍♂️. Not encouraging violence, just saying it is all completely normal and try to make you loosen up a bit. Good luck 🍀

OutstandingC...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

You did the right thing by putting him in the kennel and taking time for yourself. We all lose it sometimes and need a moment to calm down. It’s going to be okay ❤️ Is there anything you can do for yourself tonight to help unwind?

Imnew@this

Date posted: 11w

I managed to just take a second and refocus. I just let him out and I’m hugging him and apologizing and giving him treats. I still feel awful tho

dolphin49

Date posted: 11w

Are you're not perfect, you think anyone is? 😂 fuck even i mess up i yell at my dog sometimes because i get triggers and ocd spirals from it.

averydayimsh...

Date posted: 16w

it’s getting worse for me

i’ve already posted about this before but i keep thinking about it. i was sitting next to a dog and it was laying on its back laying face away from me. i kept getting intrusive thoughts about touching the dog inappropriately. and i was petting the dog to prove to myself that i wouldn’t. i remember i was leaning on the dog. then he kicked me with his back legs three times. i also was rotating my shoulder cause it pops and cracks when i do and i was trying to relieve it. i think i touched the dog and on purpose too, because thoughts were going through my head. after the dog kicked me i sat there for a second just pure panic and i ran to the bathroom, just crying non stop. i dont think i deserve to cry tho. i think my life is a over. the more i try to remember the more scary thoughts of what could’ve happened pop up. i’m just in denial and i want to be sent to a mental hospital.

Imnew@this

Date posted: 15w

I feel like a monster

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I honestly feel so overwhelmed by my thoughts—so overwhelmed that I honestly don’t care anymore. I feel like I’m accepting the fact that I’m a monster and have always been a monster. I broke down last night because of these thoughts but I wouldn’t tell anyone if they asked. It wouldn’t make sense to them. This morning, I was watching a body cam video and the person that was arrested was traumadumping about their past SA. I felt like I liked the thoughts and images I got from it. And instead of being disgusted, I let it happen. What does this mean? Does this mean that I’m a monster? Am I a just a monster in disguise?

anonymousgg

Date posted: 14w

Do I deserve to be forgiven? TW animal a***

When I was a child 7-10, I had this wonderful dog. I loved him so much. However sometimes, I would hit him out of either anger or because I liked the way he would lick my hand to say 'sorry'. At age 13, my OCD sparked up badly. I had no idea what it was, but I would bully him. Badly. He was never hurt, but he was agitated. Then I found some kittens and saved them just after turning 14. I let them stay in my room with me for a few weeks to help them. One very early morning, however, they raged me so bad that I began hitting them nonstop. They didn't cry, nor do run away. Hell, all of my pets were never ever scared of me. They loved me for some reason. For so long I've been doing my best to help animals and adore my pets, and I've sworn to never EVER hurt an animal again. I love them so much. I remember though I would never hit them so hard to make them cry out, because I've been inflicting the way I hit them onto my arms and thighs to see how bad it hurt, and gladly, it didn't really hurt. Stung a bit, at most, but doesn't make what I did anymore okay. Do I deserve my babies anymore? Do I deserve to even live? I feel so ashamed and I don't want to use my OCD as an excuse, nor say that maybe I was traumatised because of it because people have been through worse than me, so I don't want to compare. Any small comment will do, thank you for reading

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I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore

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