Have Faith and Stand Firm

wow, thank you for sharing... I started therapy several weeks ago and it's getting intense but I'm staying the course.

I had pocd in 2012, it was the worst time of my life. I had a 2.5 yr old at the time and I was pregnant. I didn’t know it was pocd. I was suicidal, the compulsions were crazy. I gave birth 9 months later and it got really bad. I had groinal responses. I had post-natal depression, I wouldn’t bath for a week, I would lay in bed all day crying, I moved into my parents house as I couldn’t look after the kids. I believed I was what my pocd told me. I went to the gp exactly 13 months after the onset of symptoms. I thought the gp would think it was a safeguarding concern and get my children taken off me. She didn’t seem bothered by my confessions and put me on sertraline/zoloft. I had some cbt therapy (about 10 sessions) and I started to feel better slowly slowly. I’d still have the obsessions but the anxiety lessened.

I then came off the Zoloft 6 months later as I felt great but the anxiety returned and since 2013 I’ve not come off the Zoloft. It’s not worth weaning off it. I take 100mg and I’m not stopping it. It gave me my life back. In the midst of anxiety I used to vomit 4 times a day, I didn’t care about my personal hygiene. I struggled to hug my kids but luckily my family supported me all the way, so the kids were never neglected. My mum quit work to look after me. I thought I was possessed when I didn’t know it was ocd. I don’t like thinking of it as I don’t want to trigger it. It was the darkest period of my life. Feeling the need to kill myself and leaving behind 2 little innocent kids whom I loved so much. My mind would give me intrusive thoughts, images, Feelings etc. I’d spend all day doing compulsions in my head checking if it was real. Luckily my daughter was only 3 and baby was a few months old so they didn’t really notice my condition. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through that. My advice is to get help asap, if you can’t afford it, try a charity or some other organisation. It makes you believe you are something you are not/ never were. I did read somewhere that let’s say for a second you are what your ocd tells you, but you still have the choice not to act on it. Obviously ocd will say “ what if I do ?” It doesn’t matter what your ocd tells you, the choice is always yours. If you were what your ocd tells you then you would enjoy it and not be anxious.obviously your ocd will now ask you if you enjoy it. It doesn’t matter what logic you use, the ocd always has a better response so that’s why they say don’t engage with the thoughts as you will never ever win.

"When we learn to let go of that control and accept the possibility, not the probability, it does get easier." - simply incredible! Control is such an illusion with OCD. Congratulations on this huge milestone!

Did you have pocd? And if so do you have any erp therapy or advice to give