Mariabae

Date posted: 10w

i need someone to respond rocd

Today, my boyfriend — who usually doesn’t post much — made a really sweet TikTok with me. He used a trend where he called me his princess and posted it on Close Friends. It was thoughtful and loving… but I felt nothing. And that terrified me. Last night, I looked at him while we were lying in bed and had a thought: “I lost feelings. I don’t like him anymore.” It hit me like a wave, and since then I’ve been so scared that this is all the proof I need that I don’t love him. The worst part? I’m not feeling any positive emotions at all. No joy. No spark. No connection. I’ve been trying so hard for so long to feel something — anything — and I just can’t. I’m scared that the numbness means the love is gone. I’m scared I never truly loved him. I’m scared I’ve just been coping all this time, forcing it. I feel like the relationship is fake, like I’m fake, and everything is falling apart. And still… he keeps showing up for me. He’s loving, kind, and consistent. He tells me how much he loves me. But I can’t feel the warmth anymore, and I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m miserable, I feel like a shell, and I’m terrified that this is my truth — that I don’t love him and I’m just in denial. I need help. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living in this constant fear, panic, and emotional numbness. I don’t know what to trust anymore — the thoughts, the feelings, or the memories that feel blurry. Has anyone felt this too?

Lola3

Date posted: 10w

I have a question. Lets say that your thoughts are actually true...that you never loved him or dont love him anymore. If this were the case though, why are you so afraid to lose him? Its because you love him. There are people ive liked before and kept overthinking if I actually did, but I was never afraid to lose them because I didnt really like them. The fact the thought of not loving him and losing him is so upsetting and distressing its impacting your daily life probably means you love him. However you cant seek reasurance everytime you start to overthink. The reality is that maybe you dont love him, maybe you do, but you have to sit with the anxiety and let it pass. Belive me I dont have ROCD but I know how it feels to doubt yourself and how you feel about something you used to be sure about, but its going to sort itself out. Things will sort out in whatever way they are meant to and that might not always be fun but in the end it will be good :)

Bea.Mo

Date posted: 10w

@Lola3 I was just coming to the comments to say the same thing! …well, you put it much more eloquently so same message different wording lol

Mariabae

Date posted: 10w

@Lola3 thank you so much.

Mariabae

Date posted: 10w

@Lola3 but its really hard to me to not feel any positive emotions towords him… for no reason, i miss feeling. Im so scared you know? im just thinking and thinking rhinking that im in denial… i wish at least feeling something when we kiss or when he does something nice, but i feel lost

Lola3

Date posted: 10w

@Mariabae I understand that. Its difficult for to not feel love and warmth for him when you want to...or feel like you used to but cant now and question if you ever did to begin with. Ive never been inlove before or even had a partner so this is hard for me to answer. I guess the closest ive felt to that isnt about romance but the anxiety manifests similar and for me thats to do with politics. I am someone who is very passionate about it and I feel strongly about it but after suffering with OCD I feel really dissconnected. I question everything about what I once thought or felt. Its like I want to feel passionate, angry, empathy when I see certain things about politcs and I want to so so so badly and I just cant. I know its not the same thing but its the same feeling. Truthfully Im scared too. Im terrified. Im so scared that things wont get normal again. All I can do is hope and put the work in. Im gonna ask you something and I hope it helps by the end. When you felt that love and warmth for him...why? What about him do you remember loving? Feeling entranced by or interested in or connected to. Do you have any memories of thinking "I love this boy" ?

Mariabae

Date posted: 10w

@Lola3 yes i have memories but they are foggy, i know that i had a feeling that he is special and he is kind and loving but everything is blurred.

Lola3

Date posted: 10w

@Mariabae Hold onto that then. Even if you dont feel it cherish it. Tell me, what about him did you feel the most love for? Not why he should be lovable but what you loved.

Mariabae

Date posted: 10w

@Lola3 i loved how he acted, how loving he was he was (and is) not like the rest, also he made me laugh and made me a better person

Lola3

Date posted: 10w

@Mariabae I think he sounds great from the way you describe him. However what I have learnt about love is alot of times people love what their partner gives them but not who their partner is. Which is normal but I think what could help and im no therapist, but focus on the things about him that you love, not why hes a good partner. Its good that he makes you a better person, makes you laugh, feel loved, but spend time focusing on the traits of him that you love. Find the parts of him that you feel the most admiration. I hope it all works out for you :)

Mariabae

Date posted: 10w

@Lola3 thats the thing. when i think about that my head is empty, that makes me so scared. i feel like a liar, like um forcing myslef to stay just because i put high expectations on the relationship… when i think of what i like about him ny head is empty…. and one of my fears is that i only liked the ideea of an relationship, but i never liked him for him. im so scared

Lola3

Date posted: 9w

@Mariabae Im sorry this is so distressing for you. I think you should have an honest conversation about how you feel and want to move foward. Even taking some time to get distance from him and just process how you feel abit better. I want to let you know that even if worst comes to worse and you realize you simply dont love him how you want to that it will be okay. That just because hes nice and you feel obligated to love the idea of him doesnt mean you have to. We are in this world and we seek connection and love and sometimes we just dont feel it and we want to, but we dont and thats okay. If you love him and hes the one for you even if you break up he will come back to you and if hes not then you get to meet someone new and form new connections and find your love. OCD sucks...I know, but you can have OCD and these doubts and know that they are that, but you can also have very valid worries and feelings and the 2 can coexist. I really hope you do whats best for you, not what you feel obligated to do or feel but what truly nourishes your soul :)

Mariabae

Date posted: 9w

@Lola3 but i dont like my thoughts:(

Lola3

Date posted: 9w

@Mariabae I know girl, but I hate to tell you that your never going to like them. With OCD it will always be there plauging you, and I know how hard that is belive me. However if we want to feel better in the future and manage it, not fix it, then you need to take steps to go foward and do whats best for you in the long run. If you do that then I promise you this hurt will only last a small amount and you wont have to feel it as heavy in the future. I really hope this helps and your able to feel better, how you want to feel :)

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

please someone respond

I’m in such a dark place right now. No matter what I do with my boyfriend — kissing, hugging, cuddling, talking — I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. And every time, my brain says: “That’s it. It’s the truth. You don’t love him anymore.” I keep thinking I’m forcing myself to act like I still like him just because I can’t accept the truth — that maybe I fell out of love and don’t want to admit it. When he calls me beautiful, when he’s kind to me, when he holds me… I feel numb. And that numbness makes me feel like a stranger in my own life. Like I’m faking everything. Like I’m lying to him and to myself. It feels too real. I used to have moments — even during intrusive thoughts — where I would relax in his arms and feel safe and reminded that this is ROCD. But now… even those moments feel gone. Like the thoughts aren’t lies anymore — they feel like the truth. And I don’t know what to do with that. My therapist made things worse. She told me things that made me believe I’ve mentally “decided” I have to be with him, and that I’m wrong for thinking it’s bad to walk away. Now I feel like I’ve built my entire relationship on an idea that I should stay, not that I want to. I feel like I’ve changed. I remember moments of deep love, warmth, and closeness… but now I can’t feel them anymore. And all I hear in my head is “you’re different now. It’s over.” I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I’m not even crying anymore — I’m just… empty. What if this is the truth I’ve been avoiding all along? What if I just can’t accept that I stopped loving him? What if this relationship is no longer right, and I’m just pretending? This is the worst it’s ever been. I’ve never felt this far gone before.

Mariabae

Date posted: 11w

i cant do it

I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.

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