its so hard to not know if you live your boyfriend or not. this feeling and thought takes the life out if me im so scared. everything feels fake. like all of the sufren its not rocd but real. im trying to not talk to chat ght rn.
I understand, it’s really debilitating not having certainty. I know it’s hard and I’ve been there, but you have to tell yourself you’ll never really figure it out. Maybe you do like him, maybe you don’t. As soon as you start to accept the uncertainty, OCD loses its power and you get your life back. Easier said than done of course, but I know you’re strong enough. It takes a lot of strength and willpower to fight all the compulsions, but it can be done. You got this!
I've never had ROCD but I can tell it's really affecting you and I'm sorry
The reason this anxiety is so prominent is because you’ve put your relationship on such a high pedestal in your sense of reality. But the truth is, relationships come and go and the thing that matters is that you conduct yourself with compassion and honesty. It’s normal to feel uncertainty about a relationship in the way you describe, and it’s not something you have to fix. Practice sitting with that uncertainty and accepting it, and knowing that no matter what the universe throws at you you’ll be okay. I’m sure there have been many times when your ocd flare ups felt like the most important danger in the world, and now you look back on them and they seem silly and forgettable. This is just like that. You sit with it, you let it pass, and you’ll realize it’s actually okay. And, the relationship doesn’t go anywhere- you can come back to that question when you’re feeling grounded, and figure it out in the future when you’re levelheaded, but in this moment let your priority be to be at peace with the ambiguity before you try to “solve” the relationship. Good luck ❤️
It sounds like you're really struggling with uncertainty and fear about your relationship, and that can feel overwhelming. These kinds of thoughts and feelings are common for people dealing with OCD, and it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. If you’re struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/relationship-doubts-sign-of-relationship-ocd-symptom/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-micro-cheating/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/why-am-i-scared-to-be-happy-in-a-relationship
My rocd is making me disconected from my boyfriend thinking he is cringe and that i dont know him or i dont like him for real, making me question the times i was happy thinking i was pretending and i was just thinking i am happy and in love but i wasnt… when i think abt my boyfriend i cant feel happiness… im scared. Yesterday we talked he said he is happy when we talked he sais how happy he is and that if i dont feel the same i should not panic (hw knows about my thoughts) i am so sad, i dont want to be like this forever, im scared
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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