Relationship OCD

Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(

alexotto

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Hey! Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Can I ask is there a root to being scared that you aren’t enough for him or that he will leave you? Or has something happened before with another boyfriend or with him?

naiad

Date posted: 24w

@alexotto yes actually. I feel both of my major relationships (3yrs and 1yr) started cracking when my ROCD just got too loud. It’s almost an infinite loop- I get anxious about the relationship, I ask for reassurance, but that often makes my partner worried something is truly wrong. I can pick up on the small emotional change and then just rinse and repeat:(

alexotto

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

That’s it! That’s perfect! I love hearing that and you have your answer. Write down that fact so when things start to implode you can hold that close to your heart.

alexotto

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

You seem like you got something beautiful and special with him. I’m happy for you, walk tall and proud and something that helped me with ROCD was being the best I could to them, and loving them with everything, and not out of compulsion so he doesn’t leave. Because at the end of the day, if you know you loved someone with everything, you can’t deny so if they do run the panic stops. I learned that through many trials and destroyed relationships! Keep fighting, and if you need to talk more keep texting I’ll respond and be there. ROCD blows.

Gmoki

Date posted: 24w

I know this exact feeling and I’m here for you❤️

alexotto

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Ahhhh I see, so you are dating people that change slightly without communicating it to you. That’s very harmful for OCD. You need someone who is very clear for you first off. I’m a strong believer of you should be able to lean on your partner. What anxiousness or thoughts do you need reassurance on usually?

naiad

Date posted: 24w

@alexotto I just get convinced that the entire relationship is imploding when in reality it’s completely intact.

alexotto

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

What triggers you to think it’s imploding?

naiad

Date posted: 24w

@alexotto Today my boyfriend simply didn’t want to hang out. Then it’s just been all intrusive thoughts that I must’ve done something to cause this or that it means he doesn’t love me anymore. But he just wants some alone time. We do hang out pretty much every day.

alexotto

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Let’s say hypothetically he didn’t love you anymore and those fears were true? What would that lead to, what are you scared about beyond that?

naiad

Date posted: 24w

@alexotto It would mean we break up, but I’ve been through heartbreak before and I know I can survive and still be happy. Which is ultimately the fear. Thanks for walking me through this, it’s been really helpful. I just love him so much and I value our relationship endlessly. Outside of the OCD fear I truly just don’t want to spend my days without him because he makes me smile, and laugh, and feel beautiful.

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