Why is it this way

I feel like my life isn't my own anymore. I live by OCD's rules. I can't ever switch it off. I spend most of my day mentally reviewing and constantly checking myself. I have to do things in a certain way or i dont feel safe. All this time that i've lost and for what? Idk how I let thoughts have so much power over my life and yet here I am. Every day. I can't even get away from it in sleep because i have dreams about it and I wake up anxious if i manage to get any sleep at all. I'm so over it all.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm really sorry you’re feeling this way. What you’re describing—the relentless reviewing, the checking, the rituals just to feel safe, even the invasion of your dreams—is exactly how OCD traps people. It makes you feel like you're not the one steering your life anymore, like your days are dictated by this constant, invisible threat. This exhaustion you’re feeling is completely valid. Living inside the mind of OCD is like being stuck in a loop you didn’t ask to be in. It’s not your fault. OCD is incredibly good at convincing you that the only way to be safe, to be good, to be certain, is to listen to it. But that’s a lie. It’s a thief—of time, energy, peace—and you’re allowed to be angry about that. You said, “I don't know how I let thoughts have so much power over my life.” The truth is, you didn’t “let” it happen. OCD is sticky—it latches on to what you care about most and warps it into fear. It exploits your values, not your weaknesses. That means your suffering is not a reflection of who you are, but of what you care about. It’s okay to be over it. It means you’re ready for something different—even if you're not sure how to get there. That frustration, that grief over lost time, that weariness—that can be the start of something powerful.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: Yesterday

It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden right now, and I want you to know that your feelings are valid. OCD can make it feel like you’ve lost control, but recovery is possible, and you don’t have to face this alone. Help is here at NOCD and we can assist you in finding outside help if needed too. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/my-ocd-journey/i-didnt-know-my-own-strength https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/will-ocd-make-you-have-nightmares/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-somatic-ocd/

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

I have some days that are like this too. Things just go by and I'm heavily focused on my thoughts and it can take me out of the present quite a lot.

moon0270

Date posted: Yesterday

yeah that's exactly how I feel. today especially for some reason. i felt like i wasn't present today at all. maybe it's DPDR, but yeah. it just sucks so much. sorry that you experience it too!

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

@moon0270 What's DPDR if you don't mind me asking? Thanks, I'm just trying to figure out what triggers these thoughts and whatever is in my circles that I just don't like. I've been trying to snap out of the loops of all that and just push myself to do things I want to do deep down but get afraid to do or don't have the motivation to do to try and combat it.

moon0270

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 dpdr is depersonalization/derealization. i hope that you get to do all the things you want to do, despite OCD being scary!

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

@moon0270 Same to you! I'm sorry that you have to experience that. It sounds really challenging, but I know that you won't be stuck with it forever. I hope this week goes well for you!

anxiousashhh

Date posted: 21w

idk

I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 17w

OMG how you control your mental compulsions?!?!?!

I cannot for the life of me stop ruminating or checking how I feel about thoughts or focusing on thoughts or creating more thoughts. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I want to scream. I try not to ruminate about the thoughts, but trying not to just makes me think about them more. I try not to check, but somehow, I still check. I want to let a thought sit in the background, but the more I try not to focus on it, the more I end up focusing on it. I don’t want the thought to expand because that feels like engaging with it, but I can’t just stop it from expanding. It feels impossible. People keep saying I’m in control of my compulsions, and maybe that’s true for the physical ones. But when it comes to the mental compulsions, I swear I have no control. It feels like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to have, like there’s some tool they’re using that I don’t have. Controlling mental compulsions has never felt possible for me. I’m starting to fear them. And every time someone says I’m in control and can just choose not to do them, I end up beating myself up even more when they happen. Or when I *choose* I guess. I don’t know anymore. If this is my fault, if I’m responsible for this, then what does that make me? I feel like a monster. I am at my wits’ end. How am I supposed to control mental compulsions when it feels like they control me? I freak out when they happen. They don’t bring me relief, they just make me panic. I want it to stop so bad.

frannyb

Date posted: 17w

I can't do this anymore

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Why is it this way

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community