so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

Anonymousjared

Date posted: 3d

Yeah you’re def not alone

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 3d

@Anonymousjared Thank you

unkindledhis...

Date posted: 3d

going through the same thing with my gf. you guys can do it!

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 3d

@unkindledhishiron Thank you, I hope you two get through it as well!

avf2000

Date posted: 3d

I know exactly how you feel. I identify as bisexual, too. My main subtype is rOCD but I had SOOCD when I was younger. In high school I broke up with my boyfriend 13 times in 8 months. I told him that I was a lesbian or that I needed to explore my sexuality but I kept crawling back to him. I came out as bisexual in 2015 and continued to question my sexuality constantly for 6 more years. I felt like I was lying to people. I was scared that if I got into a relationship with a man, I would realize I'm a lesbian. Or if I dated a woman, I would realize that I'm just straight and I lied to everyone. It wasn't until I kissed a girl and felt good that I was able to feel certain about my sexuality. Ever since that kiss, I don't have any doubts about my sexuality. I lean towards dating men as well. I have come to accept that I am still bi even if I want a boyfriend. you are definitely not alone.

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 3d

@avf2000 Thank you so much. One of my biggest fears is that I just think I want a boyfriend because of comphet, that has messed with me and made me doubt myself so much. It’s kinda like I wish I would have had more experience with both genders to confirm that it does in fact not feel much different from being with a man I’m attracted to. Does that make sense?

avf2000

Date posted: 2d

@anonymouscookie in my experience, being with different genders Does feel different. I like different genders in different ways. Thinking that being with everyone feels the same can actually be a bit harmful in a sense that if you feel something with one gender but not the other, then you feel invalid. At least, that was the trap I fell into. Sexuality is tricky.

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 2d

@avf2000 That’s a fair point, thank you. I think my problem at least right now isn’t feeling invalidated in my bisexuality but more fearing that it could cause a problem in my relationship. But I see where you’re coming from

anonymous00001

Date posted: 2d

Hi! I’m also a bisexual with OCD. Like you, I always sort of “knew”. My fiancé is a man and also identifies as bisexual. In a lot of ways, uncertainty is sort of a hallmark of bisexuality, because the possibilities are quite literally endless. But, choosing a “side” by dating one gender currently, or by committing yourself to one person, by nature eliminates an entirely different way of life for you. And that is so terrifying! It makes sense that it’s scary and I think many many bisexual people deal with that whether or not they have OCD. Something that has helped me is being really honest about the curiosity I have about what it would be like to date a woman long term, because that is literally just part of my sexuality. I have had to sort of grieve that possibility, just like anyone has to make sacrifices to do one thing instead of something else. The reason it feels so bad and scary is when we assign meaning or judgement to these feelings. It’s very natural. If you don’t already know Hayley Jakobson on instagram, I highly recommend following her. She’s an author and a bisexual woman with OCD, who is dating a trans man. She struggles with worries that she would rather be with a cis man or a cis woman or a trans woman, etc. and the way she writes about the bisexual experience really resonates with me. You are NOT alone! Also, I saw your comment about comphet. I don’t want to trigger you, but as humans, we are definitely influenced by our environment. However, I really think that if looking at your experience through the lens of comphet isn’t empowering and gives you anxiety, it’s not helpful. We aren’t living in a vacuum. Even if a tiny part of your desire or attraction comes from something external, it doesn’t make it any less “real”. I think comphet has been taken to a degree that can be harmful, and that it’s best applied when it empowers a person to sort of release something, NOT when it’s making someone question their experience to the point of self distrust. ❤️

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 2d

@anonymous00001 Thank you so much for your reply, it really helped. I do still struggle to see being bi just as something I am instead of a threat to my relationship, with the ocd added it makes it all a bit muddier. And thank you for saying what you said about comphet. I do think I was influenced by it as most of us probably are but reading about it I spiraled a lot and made me doubt my sense of self in a way that I freaked out thinking “wait so all the feelings I’ve had for men weren’t real?” It felt really invalidating instead of empowering. Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️

Ellie.

Date posted: 23w

I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

vizzy15

Date posted: 20w

So-ocd

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.

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