- Date posted
- 10w
what can i do
it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow
it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow
You’re not broken. You haven’t lost the ability to love. You’re just overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty, and it’s okay to sit in that discomfort without trying to solve it. You don’t need to “feel in love” all the time to love someone. Love is deeper than a feeling — and OCD clouds that clarity. You’re not alone in this. You’re strong for facing this head-on. Let yourself feel hollow without reacting to it. Let the wave pass. It will.
@slippery_salad thank you.
@Mariabae That hollow feeling, the fear, the confusion… it’s like a distressed baby crying out for comfort. You don’t need to fix it or silence it right away. Just hold it. Sit with it. Cradle that emotion gently like you would a baby who doesn’t know how to self-soothe yet. You’re not weak for feeling this way. You’re human. The goal isn’t to force the feeling of love or certainty back, but to be present with the discomfort until it softens on its own. That is where real strength lies. Let the fear cry, let the doubt squirm, but stay grounded. You are still loving. You are still whole. And the wave will pass, especially when you stop trying to outrun it and simply let it be held.
@slippery_salad yes i know but it feels like this is actually true, like it has changed me completely and that i dont love him anymore, any work i try to do it feels pointless, like i know deep down that i have no feelings for him and in just not accepting it and i dont know what to do. i feel like im hurting myslef and him with this, that i just put high expectations on this relationship and i don’t even have rocd
@Mariabae I totally get it; it FEELS like it’s all true, like something deep inside you has shifted and there’s no going back. It feels like you’re just avoiding the truth, like you’re forcing something that’s already dead. But that’s exactly how OCD works — it doesn’t just make you think things, it makes you feel them in your body, like a heavy truth you can’t shake. The fact that you’re even this distressed shows how much you care. OCD doesn’t always come with a big label, sometimes it just feels like you’re broken or heartless, when really you’re overwhelmed by fear and doubt. Be kind to yourself. You’re not lying to him or to yourself… you’re just stuck in something that feels like the truth but isn’t. You’re not alone in this. Keep going. You’re stronger than these feelings, even when it really feels like you’re not.
@slippery_salad thank you!!!!
@slippery_salad hi, im responding to this again bc someone responded to one of my posts and they said things i was fearing and i dont know how to handle them , the said “@Mariabae - If it is something that has been just misery for you. It is possible that you actually just don't want to be with him. They can be great to you and you still not fully love them. Maybe write out a list of pro's or con's. He can love you all he wants but if you do not love him it doesn't matter. If the thoughts are what causes you to be sad and depressed, then maybe its OCD. But if you are sad and depressed from being with him and then the OCD takes over. That is different and you most likely forcing something to work that you do not even want. “
@Mariabae Life isn’t black and white. That person assumes OCD is something you can fully understand—but the truth is, you may never fully grasp it. And that’s okay. What matters is learning to sit with the uncertainty and choosing to move forward anyway. That’s how you grow beyond ROCD.
So make a decision
it feels like the fear i once knew it wasnt real now it is, it feels like i dont like him anymore and that i have changed. i am numb.
It hurts so much to write that. Lately, every time I talk to my boyfriend — whether it’s through text or in person — I feel this deep irritation, like everything he says or does annoys me. Sometimes, it even feels like disgust, and it’s terrifying. I don’t feel love. I don’t feel excitement. I don’t even feel sadness about not feeling anything… just numb. I look at him and I don’t feel like I used to. I don’t know what happened to me. I used to be so sure I loved him, and now I feel like a completely different person — cold, distant, empty. My brain keeps telling me: “You don’t love him anymore. You never did. You’re only staying out of habit.” My mom told me that if I don’t like him anymore, then I’m hurting both him and myself by staying in this. And hearing that broke me. Because that’s exactly what I fear — that I’m faking everything, and I just don’t want to admit the truth. I feel so lost. And I don’t know how to separate my thoughts from reality anymore. All I know is that I want to feel something again — anything. Because right now, all I feel is guilt, fear, and confusion. i used to know these thoughts are just thoughts and that if i didn’t have them i would be so happy but now, i cant think aboyr that bc the thoughts feel too real.
My boyfriend just poured his heart out to me. He told me how much pain he’s in — how disconnected he feels from me, how hurt he is that we’re not intimate, that I don’t react to his love, that we don’t feel like a couple anymore. He said things that should’ve broken my heart… but I felt nothing. Nothing. And now I’m terrified. Not just scared — destroyed by the thought that maybe I really don’t love him, and I’ve just been lying to myself this entire time. I keep thinking: “If I loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?” “Why didn’t I cry? Why didn’t I reach for him? Why didn’t I say ‘I’m sorry’?” “What kind of person listens to someone they care about and feels absolutely nothing?” I feel like I’ve been fighting this for so long — like I’ve spent months, maybe even years, battling the same thoughts over and over again: “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “You want to want him — but you don’t.” And what makes it worse is that everyone around me says the same thing: “Maybe you’re forcing it.” “You can’t control how you feel.” “If you’re this confused, that means something.” But what no one seems to understand is that I’ve tried so hard. I didn’t want this. I didn’t choose to become cold. I didn’t choose to stop feeling things. I didn’t want to lose my ability to love — or to connect — or to just exist next to him without questioning every single breath I take. I feel like I’ve become someone else. Someone who doesn’t react. Someone who doesn’t smile when he’s kind. Someone who doesn’t feel warmth when he says “I love you.” But this isn’t who I was. There was a time when I loved hearing his voice. When I looked forward to seeing him. When I felt. And now… nothing. Just this endless cycle of doubt, guilt, numbness, fear, and the horrible thought: “If it feels this real, maybe it is.” I don’t know what this is anymore. I feel like I’m hurting him. And I feel like I’m losing myself, too. And the most terrifying part? I don’t feel anything about that either. But if I truly didn’t care — why does this hurt so much? If anyone else has ever felt like this… please, please tell me I’m not alone. I don’t want this to be the truth. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this.
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