faye1010
- Date posted
- 21w
ROCD
I need some opinions. I have had ROCD (I think) for about 1.5 years now and I have had crazy thoughts since then. Tonight I feel as if, if we were to break up I wld be happy and not care at all anymore
NatSwaiNatSwai
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been here before and it can get better! Just depends on you
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
What other thoughts are you having?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 21w
@Suhonn Feelings that I don't love him anymore or care about him
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 How is it going? You might feel like breaking up is the answer but you might also find that your relief is only temporary once you do break up because you might start obsessing over whether you did the right thing
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Right, we just had a long conversation about things and I'm freaking out that I don't feel any better about my feelings. Is this common with ocd that it won't change overnight
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Yes! Absolutely. Have you talked to a therapist?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I am gonna talk to one on Monday from NOCD
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn It just feels like I don't like him anymore but I just don't feel like that's true but it feels so true
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Trust me I've been there twice. I actually spoke with my therapist the last 2 weeks in a row bc I was struggling and it feels like I've made it out the other side. You should go on YouTube and watch rocd videos by Nathan Peterson, he's really helpful.
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I feel like I wouldn't be this upset if I actually wanted to be done with him
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 That's exactly right. I said the same thing to myself. I know how I felt when I ended relationships and I just wanted to be out of it and move on. You're just stuck in the ocd loop right now
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Then something in me tells me I just feel bad and don't wanna be alone, it's a never ending cycle
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Are you doing any complusions like confessing or avoiding or checking your feelings when you're around him?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Yes all the time
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 That's definitely OCD. I checked my feelings constantly. I had to acknowledge that the complusion was there but act as normal as I could to get through it.
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I also get a feeling of relief when someone tells me it's ocd and other times I don't. IT SO CONFUSING. the worst thing that has ever happened to me
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I just want to feel that love with him again! Like he left this morning to go to work and now I am like itching to see him because I'm scared
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
I am always checking how I feel and it's always negative and it makes me so sad and anxious
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
I totally understand. Reassurance feels good for about a minute but doesn't last long unfortunately. My therapist told me these thoughts are just intrusive thoughts and don't really reflect how I actually feel. When you're in the loop it's hard to tell what is a real thought and what is instrusive. Have you tried writing down how you feel? Sometimes it helps me relieve some pressure
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I am gonna try
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Have you gotten to the spot with your relationship where you feel good with that choice
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Yes. I've been married for 7 years and this never hit me in any relationship until a year ago and it was absolutely the worst I've ever felt. I had a lot of therapy and it subsided after maybe 2 weeks. Then it hit me again about 3 weeks ago but it wasn't as terrible because I recognized it.
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I am trying to stop the ocd by doing the opposite of what it's telling me but it's feeling like I am forcing myself is that normal?
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Yeah, they say you shouldn't fight it, just let it be there, lean into the discomfort and uncertainty. Basically saying "this thought popped into my head, so what? It's just a thought, not a fact"
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I just feel like I am making myself be in this relationship and I hope that's not the case
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Did these thoughts come out of nowhere?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I honestly can't remember I think so
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Like nothing happened but what if I fell out of love I don't want to have tho
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 That's literally the same thoughts I had. It helps if you can pinpoint a trigger, but not necessarily. This didn't help me personally but I know it's helped others, someone said that love is a choice and not a feeling, meaning you choose to stay with that person even though you are having these intrusive thoughts right now because they will pass. OCD goes after what people care about most so the fact that you don't want to have fallen out of love and you can't stop obsessing and making yourself sick is proof that it's not how you truly feel, just what ocd wants you to think.
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Thanks so much for talking with me
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Anytime 😊 I know how terrible this is. Have you had your therapy appointment yet?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Tmr at 9am
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Good luck 🙂
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Yk what I mean with the feeling like I'm forcing myself tho
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Yeah I know what you mean for sure. How did your appointment go?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I had to reschedule because I am not feeling great
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Like I am out trying to enjoy golfing with him but my mind is like you are faking the way you are acting and I feel like I am but don't want to be
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 It's easier said than done, but just acknowledge that the thought that you're forcing it is there and just let it be there in the back of your mind
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Okay I will try
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
I remember getting to the point where everything he did annoyed me and I got so bitchy even though he did nothing wrong
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn That's literally me
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Just know that you're feeling this way because your brain is off the rails right now. I just told myself I had to push through and that it's not how I felt deep down
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I hope it's not how I feel deep down:(
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
How do you feel when he isn't around?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Like about him?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Sometimes it's like "I want to be with him rn, I miss him", sometimes I am having panic attacks because I don't want us to split up. Sometimes I am like ehh whatevr happens happens
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
@faye1010 Do you think you know what triggered this?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn No I don't
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn Is this similar to how you felt?
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
The first time it happened, yeah I wasn't sure where it came from. the only thing I could come up with was that I went through a couple weeks where I just felt burnt out and blah and I started thinking "does this mean I don't care about my marriage anymore?" And it spiraled out of control. It was like a switch flipped
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I can't remember how mine started
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 20w
@Suhonn I just want to feel that way with him again
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 19w
@faye1010 How's it going?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 19w
@Suhonn Still struggling but not as emotional
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 19w
@faye1010 So is it improving a bit?
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 19w
@Suhonn Yes I am just trying to accept the feelings are still but that's not how I feel deep down
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 19w
@Suhonn But still second guessing myself if it's really how I feel or not
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 19w
It's rough arguing with your own brain
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 19w
@Suhonn It is
faye1010faye1010
- Date posted
- 19w
@Suhonn My feelings go back and fourth is that common with ROCD
SuhonnSuhonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 19w
@faye1010 Yeah, I have that issue. As soon as I feel like I'm better it comes around again
Related posts
cmax20
- Date posted
- 24w
ROCD
for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.
mason sweeney
- Date posted
- 20w
ROCD
I just got out of a 4 year relationship that ended around the beginning of February. In the beginning of the 4 year relationship I had intrusive thoughts about the way I was behaving around my partner, this went on for a few months not knowing what it was or that it was ROCD. I remember it was bad and did not want to deal with what I was feeling. I defeated it and was ok for the first 3 years after that. But it just made me feel like I wasn’t being my true, authentic , funny self I wanted to be for my partner. It was horrible. Now I’m in a new relationship that has been awesome as far as the beginning goes but now I’m back to that intrusive thought and ROCD. Irs to the point where I feel like I can’t be myself and I’m not happy or excited about anything anymore I’m constantly stressed out thinking about it.
ale03jandra
- Date posted
- 15w
ROCD Spiral
I’ve been dealing with rocd for about 9 months now. Off and on I’ve been able to manage it. When it first presented in the beginning my boyfriend and I had just celebrated our one year anniversary and about a month later I started getting random thoughts questioning if I really love him or things telling me I’m incapable of love and then my brain trying to get me to break up with him. I started therapy a little after and she explained rocd to me. Fast forward to now I had been doing decently but we’ve been under a lot of stress lately. He has three kids from his previous marriage who started staying with us full time Monday through Thursday. He lost his job so now we both work for mine doing grocery deliveries. But the day before last I was feeling really anxious and it feels like any anxiety opens the door for intrusive thoughts. So I decided to put a post on a different ocd community forum. And a lot of the times one of my thoughts is what if you don’t really have rocd and you actually want to break up with him. In a persons response to that post they basically said what if you don’t have it and you really do want to break up but what if you do have it and you don’t want to break up. I wasn’t prepared for the first part of that sentence and I went into a full blown panic attack after reading that and my boyfriend had to help bring me out of it. We talked and I messaged my therapist after but haven’t gotten a response. And for the rest of the day I felt drained and like the anxiety was still there and the thoughts were still running around my head. And last night he had fallen asleep and I felt like crying and I came into our bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror as I was and the thought that came up was look at you crying here this is your sign that you need to break up with him. But then I challenge my mind and ask why why do I need to do that and I can’t think of a single valid reason to break up with him. I love him I do. When I’m not spiraling we do so well and have amazing communication and he cares for me so much. But now I woke up this morning still really anxious and fighting my thoughts. Another thing too is that we have about a 9 year age gap and that had never ever been an issue in my mind. I love that he’s older than I am. Any guy my age was never something I looked for or wanted. Yesterday during the drained and still attacking thoughts I saw this younger guy at the store and then my mind immediately was like well this would be better for you he’s older and that’s why you should break up. I really really hate this and don’t want to feel like this anymore but I don’t want to leave him. He’s the person I see when I look into the future as my husband. But that’s also another thing I struggle with time and that creates more of an anxiety it’s like can I really do this for 20-30 years. But that’s not even just with my relationship I do that with anything that is long term and then I hyper focus on the time duration of everything and thinking I can’t do something for that long.
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