ROCD

@Suhonn Feelings that I don't love him anymore or care about him

@faye1010 How is it going? You might feel like breaking up is the answer but you might also find that your relief is only temporary once you do break up because you might start obsessing over whether you did the right thing

@Suhonn Right, we just had a long conversation about things and I'm freaking out that I don't feel any better about my feelings. Is this common with ocd that it won't change overnight

@faye1010 Yes! Absolutely. Have you talked to a therapist?

@Suhonn I am gonna talk to one on Monday from NOCD

@Suhonn It just feels like I don't like him anymore but I just don't feel like that's true but it feels so true

@faye1010 Trust me I've been there twice. I actually spoke with my therapist the last 2 weeks in a row bc I was struggling and it feels like I've made it out the other side. You should go on YouTube and watch rocd videos by Nathan Peterson, he's really helpful.

@Suhonn I feel like I wouldn't be this upset if I actually wanted to be done with him

@faye1010 That's exactly right. I said the same thing to myself. I know how I felt when I ended relationships and I just wanted to be out of it and move on. You're just stuck in the ocd loop right now

@Suhonn Then something in me tells me I just feel bad and don't wanna be alone, it's a never ending cycle

@Suhonn Yes all the time

@faye1010 That's definitely OCD. I checked my feelings constantly. I had to acknowledge that the complusion was there but act as normal as I could to get through it.

@Suhonn I also get a feeling of relief when someone tells me it's ocd and other times I don't. IT SO CONFUSING. the worst thing that has ever happened to me

@Suhonn I just want to feel that love with him again! Like he left this morning to go to work and now I am like itching to see him because I'm scared

@Suhonn I am gonna try

@Suhonn Have you gotten to the spot with your relationship where you feel good with that choice

@faye1010 Yes. I've been married for 7 years and this never hit me in any relationship until a year ago and it was absolutely the worst I've ever felt. I had a lot of therapy and it subsided after maybe 2 weeks. Then it hit me again about 3 weeks ago but it wasn't as terrible because I recognized it.

@Suhonn I am trying to stop the ocd by doing the opposite of what it's telling me but it's feeling like I am forcing myself is that normal?

@faye1010 Yeah, they say you shouldn't fight it, just let it be there, lean into the discomfort and uncertainty. Basically saying "this thought popped into my head, so what? It's just a thought, not a fact"

@Suhonn I just feel like I am making myself be in this relationship and I hope that's not the case

@Suhonn I honestly can't remember I think so

@Suhonn Like nothing happened but what if I fell out of love I don't want to have tho

@faye1010 That's literally the same thoughts I had. It helps if you can pinpoint a trigger, but not necessarily. This didn't help me personally but I know it's helped others, someone said that love is a choice and not a feeling, meaning you choose to stay with that person even though you are having these intrusive thoughts right now because they will pass. OCD goes after what people care about most so the fact that you don't want to have fallen out of love and you can't stop obsessing and making yourself sick is proof that it's not how you truly feel, just what ocd wants you to think.

@Suhonn Thanks so much for talking with me

@faye1010 Anytime 😊 I know how terrible this is. Have you had your therapy appointment yet?

@Suhonn Tmr at 9am

@faye1010 Good luck 🙂

@Suhonn Yk what I mean with the feeling like I'm forcing myself tho

@faye1010 Yeah I know what you mean for sure. How did your appointment go?

@Suhonn I had to reschedule because I am not feeling great

@Suhonn Like I am out trying to enjoy golfing with him but my mind is like you are faking the way you are acting and I feel like I am but don't want to be

@faye1010 It's easier said than done, but just acknowledge that the thought that you're forcing it is there and just let it be there in the back of your mind

@Suhonn Okay I will try

@Suhonn That's literally me

@Suhonn I hope it's not how I feel deep down:(

@Suhonn Like about him?

@Suhonn Sometimes it's like "I want to be with him rn, I miss him", sometimes I am having panic attacks because I don't want us to split up. Sometimes I am like ehh whatevr happens happens

@faye1010 Do you think you know what triggered this?

@Suhonn No I don't

@Suhonn Is this similar to how you felt?

@Suhonn I can't remember how mine started

@Suhonn I just want to feel that way with him again

@faye1010 How's it going?

@Suhonn Still struggling but not as emotional

@faye1010 So is it improving a bit?

@Suhonn Yes I am just trying to accept the feelings are still but that's not how I feel deep down

@Suhonn But still second guessing myself if it's really how I feel or not

@Suhonn It is

@Suhonn My feelings go back and fourth is that common with ROCD

@faye1010 Yeah, I have that issue. As soon as I feel like I'm better it comes around again