- Username
- AshleyLM
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes!! Therapy, medicine, patience xx
You are dealing with OCD so already you are strong enough to face anything else and that includes treatment. December 2016/early 2017 I suffered a severe post partum spike and I was diagnosed with OCD. There was a point I didn’t know if I’d survive but I began therapy and it was hard, but I kept going, it’s all I could do. Slowly it began helping as I practiced the tools I was learning. After several months I was functioning again. After a year in recovery I hit another spike around 5 weeks ago. It knocked me off my feet with a new theme and I reached out to an OCD specialist and started therapy. After a couple of sessions I again managed to start to feel a little better then bam a gap in therapy and new content and I felt back to square one, I was petrified I’d have to live with my fear and how that made me feel forever, ocd makes it feel real and it can feel absolutely gripping. I’m also suffering with depression and think I hit my bottom around a week ago and I do understand how hard it can be to go through treatment, I have my next session weds and although I’ve been emailing my therapist and she’s replied I still worry about what she’ll say or having to face it all and talk about it and being triggered. Treatment is to help you rebuild what ocd has broken, I’ve used the analogy of being a house before. So if I’m a house, then ocd is the storm and the tools and help to rebuild are treatment. The storm has knocked my house down before and it was hard work rebuilding it but I did because I need my home. So I’ve rebuilt and now another storm has knocked it down and I’m going to rebuild it again with the same tools and I know another storm could happen again but I also know I’ve already rebuilt my house once before so I know I can do it again I just might need more time or more help this time and that’s ok. I hope you find treatment soon, I know how hard it is facing this. Sorry I’ve rambled on.
I made it out the other side of ERP therapy. Its definitely a challenge. Self care, good sleep, and positivity are all so important. Your attitude towards your recovery determines so much. Teach your brain there’s nothing to fear here
Tulip13 - Mine has waned over the years only to be hit with spikes similar to yours. They come out of left field and knock you down so hard. I like your house analogy. Thank you for your response.
Tabbykitty- That is amazing, I admire you. How long ago and have you relapsed at all?
AshleyM, it took most of this year, but I think in retrospect I recovered quite quickly. I think this is because my main theme, ROCD, became non existent due to my breakup (not ROCD related - it just stopped working on both sides) and when my new theme arrived, I started ERP right away and didn’t have much time to turn it into a habit. I haven’t relapsed, but I know when I get into my next relationship I will probably experience ROCD again. However, I also know I have the tools to beat it. If I’d known what I know now while in that relationship, I would have beaten it, I think.
That’s fantastic. Yeah when I feel a new obsession/compulsion coming on, I typically try to cut it off right away because I know it’s going to be so much harder to cut it off the longer you do it. Unfortunately, I have been in a downward spiral and haven’t stuck to this, so I am inundated with obsessions and compulsions - both old and new. Funny, I used to think (after dealing with this for over 15 years) that there couldn’t possibly be any new obsessions or compulsions that pop up and whadya know a new one comes along. Can’t let your guard down with this disorder at all.
What did you do to cut off the new obsession?
I mean I won’t do the compulsion even if I want to, that usually cuts it off, after a few days.
I mainly have “Pure O”. What’s the best way to stop ruminating?
You’ve got me there. I’m the worst at ruminating.
I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better, if I’m ever going to feel good, if I’m ever going to be able to carry on with this 10 years down the road. It’s torture with no exit, for me recently. Every time I bring up my OCD around family, they get annoyed. I can’t go to friends because it has only been of temporary relief. I am literally tearing up as I write this. I’m afraid I’m so close to convincing myself of the horrible lies my OCD has been telling me. I just can’t, I don’t know if there’s anyone or thing that can make me feel better. It’s been like lifting gigantic boulder up a steep mountain the entire day—and I could be crushed by it if not careful. If there is a god, why must he put me through this? I have already been through some many enough hard times in life, this OCD has only magnified any insecurities, anxieties, feeling of loneliness, self hate, and negative emotions.
I feel like my body and mind are just so tired of being stuck in these same mental loops of torment with OCD and don’t know how to do anything else. I feel exhausted from not being able to cure myself out of these thoughts and self-destructive habits and that I’m not going to make it out of them because I’ve been tied down to this illness for so long. I wish things could have been different growing up and I took care of myself better so I wouldn’t have gotten so negative and loved myself more so these thoughts wouldn’t be so potent. I’ve had OCD most of my life, and I just don’t get how other people can live their lives normally and not suffer so heavily. I get really mad knowing I’m stuck in this vicious cycle and other people can enjoy life so easily. And now the summer is coming and it’s when I get the most depressed and feel so helpless from sadness, and my OCD has only just gotten worse. I feel like I just don’t have the energy to take care of myself anymore, and hate how anxious I am about actually telling people what’s going on with me in fear of judgment and not accepting me, so I just go along with self-sabotaging habits. I’m also afraid that nobody is going to want to help me. This only makes things worse, and it’s really hard for me to be happy. I just don’t know how to cope anymore. It makes it so hard to function as a human since I’ve been struggling for so long. I feel so disconnected from God because of this illness, and it only makes me more upset with myself for lack of effort and feel depressed. Please if someone is struggling with something similar or has advice, reach out ❤️
I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond