I’m so scared. My OCD is getting worse and worse and I’m just contributing to it by doing compulsions at every turn. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to dig myself out of this hole. I’m terrified of living, but I’m not ready to die. But, I’m even more terrified to push through with treatment. I don’t believe I’m strong enough, at least not right now. And never mind how bad my depression plays into all of this. I’ve expended every resource of support: therapy, medication, family, friends, pastor. I know it’s down to me, but I can’t do this. I feel so sick and that my mind won’t be able to handle it. I keep reading how people with OCD get to the point where they’ve had enough or hit “rock bottom” so to speak and push through. I think I hit “rock bottom” but I feel weaker then ever. Anyone been here and gone through treatment and made it out the other end? How on earth did you do it?

Yes!! Therapy, medicine, patience xx

You are dealing with OCD so already you are strong enough to face anything else and that includes treatment. December 2016/early 2017 I suffered a severe post partum spike and I was diagnosed with OCD. There was a point I didn’t know if I’d survive but I began therapy and it was hard, but I kept going, it’s all I could do. Slowly it began helping as I practiced the tools I was learning. After several months I was functioning again. After a year in recovery I hit another spike around 5 weeks ago. It knocked me off my feet with a new theme and I reached out to an OCD specialist and started therapy. After a couple of sessions I again managed to start to feel a little better then bam a gap in therapy and new content and I felt back to square one, I was petrified I’d have to live with my fear and how that made me feel forever, ocd makes it feel real and it can feel absolutely gripping. I’m also suffering with depression and think I hit my bottom around a week ago and I do understand how hard it can be to go through treatment, I have my next session weds and although I’ve been emailing my therapist and she’s replied I still worry about what she’ll say or having to face it all and talk about it and being triggered. Treatment is to help you rebuild what ocd has broken, I’ve used the analogy of being a house before. So if I’m a house, then ocd is the storm and the tools and help to rebuild are treatment. The storm has knocked my house down before and it was hard work rebuilding it but I did because I need my home. So I’ve rebuilt and now another storm has knocked it down and I’m going to rebuild it again with the same tools and I know another storm could happen again but I also know I’ve already rebuilt my house once before so I know I can do it again I just might need more time or more help this time and that’s ok. I hope you find treatment soon, I know how hard it is facing this. Sorry I’ve rambled on.

I made it out the other side of ERP therapy. Its definitely a challenge. Self care, good sleep, and positivity are all so important. Your attitude towards your recovery determines so much. Teach your brain there’s nothing to fear here

Tulip13 - Mine has waned over the years only to be hit with spikes similar to yours. They come out of left field and knock you down so hard. I like your house analogy. Thank you for your response.

Tabbykitty- That is amazing, I admire you. How long ago and have you relapsed at all?

AshleyM, it took most of this year, but I think in retrospect I recovered quite quickly. I think this is because my main theme, ROCD, became non existent due to my breakup (not ROCD related - it just stopped working on both sides) and when my new theme arrived, I started ERP right away and didn’t have much time to turn it into a habit. I haven’t relapsed, but I know when I get into my next relationship I will probably experience ROCD again. However, I also know I have the tools to beat it. If I’d known what I know now while in that relationship, I would have beaten it, I think.

That’s fantastic. Yeah when I feel a new obsession/compulsion coming on, I typically try to cut it off right away because I know it’s going to be so much harder to cut it off the longer you do it. Unfortunately, I have been in a downward spiral and haven’t stuck to this, so I am inundated with obsessions and compulsions - both old and new. Funny, I used to think (after dealing with this for over 15 years) that there couldn’t possibly be any new obsessions or compulsions that pop up and whadya know a new one comes along. Can’t let your guard down with this disorder at all.

What did you do to cut off the new obsession?

I mean I won’t do the compulsion even if I want to, that usually cuts it off, after a few days.

I mainly have “Pure O”. What’s the best way to stop ruminating?

You’ve got me there. I’m the worst at ruminating.