My harm OCD story

@komorebi11 Those are amazing ideas! ❤️ I really reallyyy love the one about posting to give updates 👏 It’s amazing to see people’s progress when they do that :)

@Givenup Okay 😊

@dwestiny 1. I was 19 when I was sent those photos and vids... he was 19 as well when he sent them... 2. While he has reassured me for 3 days straight that she was over 18 when he filmed those photos and vids, my anxiety still hasn't been relieved... 3. Im scared because I dont want to be in possession of anything illegal, nor do i want to harm anyone... thats the last thing I want to do...

@Givenup Can you let me know when you’ve edited it in, im not getting your replies in my notifications:(

@dwestiny I have responded. Please refresh the page to see the edit.

@Givenup Okay i understand! What i don’t understand is, i thought you said the girl was 17? And that he was 18? Sorry, i’m trying to help i just don’t know about which age is correct! I can tell you don’t want to harm anyone. If you no longer have the photos then you no longer possess anything explicit (or illegal) Which is just the truth

@dwestiny 1. He claimed that when he was with her in the beginning, there was a one month age difference between them, so they were doing explicit stuff for a month when she was 17 and he was 18... a month after she turned 18, he told me yesterday that they started to get more explicit during this time, which is when he filmed the videos and took the pictures. A year after they broke up is when he sent the pics and vids to the friend group, during which he was 19. 2. Im getting anxious because Im scared about whether or not he filmed those vids and took those photos when she was 17 and he was 18... he keeps telling me that it was "one month after she turned 18" that he took and filmed those vids and photos, but I honestly dont know... I've asked him for three solid days and he keeps saying "yeah" everytime i ask if she was 18 when they were taken... On the second day of me asking, he got frustrated and said "dude, this is the 10th time your asking me and yes she was (18+)"

@Givenup Ok!

@dwestiny Can you see the response now...?

@Givenup Yes! Sorry i was speaking with my friends will read it now :)

@Givenup Ahh okay i understand. First, it was clearly not your intention to get pics of soneone who was 17 and im sure you didn’t purposefully seek that out. You were a curious teen and yes, it was a mistake, but, here you are, Worrying about it. I promise you, you need to realise nobody else is worrying as much as u are which says alot. I can tell you have a good heart. You got this bro!

@dwestiny 1. My friend says he filmed the videos and took the photos "a month after she turned 18..." and keeps insisting such... he told me that he was 18 and she was 17 when their relationship began... he keeps insisting that she was 18 when he filmed and took the pics and vids... ive been asking him for three days straight about this and he says that she was 18 every time... he even got frustrated at one point and said "dude, this is the 10th time you've asked me and Yes she was 18+..." 2. I'm worrying because I dont want to be attracted to kids or harm kids in any way... I hope he isnt lying when he says she was 18... but ive been asking him for three days straight and he keeps saying she was 18+...

@Givenup i know you don’t, why would he lie? Plus, if she was 17 that’s not your fault at all. It’s not like you specifically asked for pictures of minors, he would’ve been the one sending them.

@dwestiny He once physically prevented one of my middle school bullies from swatting me, but didnt say anything about it to me till years later... im getting scared because what if he's trying to "protect" me in his own way, you know...? Im just seriously triggered about it... it genuinely scares me because I forgot about the fact he sent it to me until 3 days ago... im 24 right now...

@Givenup Protect you from what? I understand the rest, also, sorry if i don’t reply ots currently 1am and i gotta sleep

@dwestiny Idk... I told him about my anxiety and getting worried about him lying or not... so maybe its to "protect" me from getting triggered and having a panic attack...? I dont know...

@dwestiny Its okay... i hope you can respond later...

@Givenup Oh i see, why did you bully try swatting you? For no reason or?

@dwestiny Idek... but my friend stopped him... but he didnt tell me until years later... so im scared that he may be lying to me to "protect" me from my anxiety or stuff like that...

@Ellie<3 I called him for the 4th day in a row a couple minutes ago... he got frustrated and said "you cant keep apologizing and then asking me over and over..." and told me "i hope you realize this has been excessive..." he did say and confirm for the last time that "she was 18 in those videos..."

@Givenup Please careful with repeatedly calling your friend for reassurance as he wants you to stop and further attempts to talk about that topic could result in the loss of your friendship :( It’s happened to me with my ex-friend in the past. But on the bright side this can be a learning lesson. Reassurance is like a drug: We see how we can ask someone the same question 4 days in a row and we’re not satisfied. With OCD, compulsions can be compared to drinking for an alcoholic. We need to remove the drinks (compulsions)

@Love1another<3 Im sorry, @Love1another<3... I just feel so guilty and anxious and triggered all at the same time... I just want to be a good person... but all ive done througjout my teenage years is be the opposite of that...

@Givenup No need to be sorry to me! :) I’m not hurt by anything at all. I’m just trying to look out for you and your friendships because OCD likes to destroy them. In the OCD community, many of us understand the disorder. We understand the desire for the compulsion of reassurance. Therefore, we have more patience and self-compassion for others struggling with it. But people outside the OCD community often don’t get it. Sometimes, all some ppl will see is their friend harassing them everyday with questions they’ve already answered, ya know? People without OCD don’t get us as much. So we have to proceed with a little extra caution if we want to keep our friendships and relationships. And you will start to see yourself as the good person that you are once you work on your OCD :) Have you ever done ERP treatment before consistently (a few months)? I remember you said you are an adult and going untreated for that long must have taken a huge toll on you. You need to start self-ERP this week at the very least. ASAP ❤️‍🩹 I agree with another commenter here that you can post daily updates of your ERP journey and you can ask people in the comments to hold you accountable to sticking to it :)

@Ellie<3 I just confirmed that she was indeed a month apart from him in terms of birthdays... so he was telling the truth about that, so im hoping this implies he was telling the truth about the rest as wellzzz

@Ellie<3 1. He told me she was 18 for three days straight everytime i asked him, and he even said this on the second day "Dude this is the 10th time you've asked me and yes she was..." 2. He sent the videos to us when we were all 19, so im hoping he's telling the truth based on that...