Fear of fame because of ocd

It’s always been a dream of mine to become a successful author, which includes being somewhat famous. Ever since my ocd got bad 2 years ago, I’ve had a fear of becoming famous because I get the intrusive fear of getting canceled for false memories that absolutely go against my morals (like whenever a false memory scenario plays in my head while I’m on any social media post, it tries to convince me I said something inappropriate or derogatory towards someone even when there is zero proof of this ever happening) or getting canceled for dumb mistakes/opinions I had in the past. I deleted my Twitter account last month and sometimes my ocd tries to convince me that I did something bad while I was on there even though the concrete proof says otherwise (I also get paranoid that ppl who blocked me on there would try canceling me years later despite barely making my own posts and mainly sharing tweets that are interesting). I have this fear because I use my pen name for social medias and even though it has a very common last name, I fear ppl would hunt me down and attempt to destroy my life forever. It also doesn’t really help that my generation (online at least) tends to see things in a very black and white manner so that’s why social media ocd is the main ocd I struggle with. If anyone has struggled with this kind of ocd too, I would like to hear how you cope with it because I do not want my ocd to get in the way of my dreams :,)

Anonymouscri...

Date posted: 9w

My biggest fear is being famous because I know there's people out there that would jump at the opportunity to cancel me, like even one video of me getting traction one day would send me spiraling I would hate that

tryingtoheal7

Date posted: 14d

This is so me.I love people open to people I want to be around but I’m very shy and I grew up being bullies.I blame myself for abuse I experienced as a child and I can’t remember it well sometimes and I know at some point I would need to address that during a big career like that and I’ve ruminated so much the memory is even more blurry sometimes.I ruminate on every social interaction I have so I can’t imagine what it would be like if I was famous and meeting people.I obsess over social media and I would most likely have to use it.I used to be very toxic and a pathological liar. I’m very open to everyone I’m friends with and my partner knows all of this about me.My partner has published a poetry book and wants to pursue something in Music and I hope I’ve always came off as encouraging to them even if I was scared of people partly in the spotlight of things.

Givenup

Date posted: 15w

UPDATE

UPDATE: ive reduced my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation...

Givenup

Date posted: 14w

One more...

UPDATE: ive TRIED to reduce my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... I assumed that the women who werent verified on there were 18+ on an explicit chat discord server i was on were adults because of the fact it was an 18+ explicit server, so i assumed everyone was an adult on there... for me, I fear the future everyday... as well as despise my past... I dont belong in this world... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Ive also been to literotica, a website dedicated to adult explicit literature... they also have a chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... This is why I dont want to be famous or widely recognized... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation... (edited)

notsohappynow

Date posted: 10w

cancel culture

has anyone ever been cancelled or struggles w cancel culture ocd? can you share your thoughts on it? i was cancelled a long time ago online and its sort of shaken my confidence and seriously triggered my real events ocd and given me lapses in my memory as a result. i don’t trust people anymore bc of how much i lost and was accused of for things that were either out of my control, or misinterpreted against my intentions. would love to hear some thoughts from yall whether similar experiences or even similar fears. thanks :)

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Fear of fame because of ocd

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