How do I calm the thought?

It’s a little long so bare with me I have always had a fear of elevators, which I found is more common than I thought. I had been alright and got it out of phobia territory until a very poor therapist got me in a situation that worsened it entirely when I was a kid. (Exposure therapy gone wrong) Since then I have worked my way back to a neutral status towards the machines. However, I have also found I experience a sort of ‘elevator vertigo’ I basically get dizzy if the elevator moves too fast, again, not super uncommon but apparently not everyone experiences this. But this uncomfortable feeling, despite it completely going away once the elevator stops, causes anxiety. Especially if I know I am going to have to travel via the elevator that gives me the ‘elevator vertigo’. This then causes more anxiety which causes the spiral of not being able to stop being anxious about it because I’m mentally counting down the minutes before I experience it again. And this, go figure, worsens the dizziness. I am usually pretty good about giving myself options when something like this causes this much distress. I’ve explained to myself there are stairs that I can take if it’s too much to take an elevator. However, it’s the fifth floor and without too much detail, I am not entirely physically equipped to be 5 flights of stairs on top of my usual commute. (Should mention I’m a college student right about now) So then I worry about overdoing it physically and hurting or distressing myself by not wanting to take an elevator. Which in turn causes a self hatred/diminishing my anxieties and feelings spiral. I’d usually pocket this up as much as possible but it’s woken me up at 4am when I went to sleep around midnight/1am and have to wake up for the class that causes me to use this elevator at 7. So question at hand: how the hell do I calm this cycle down? I know it’s near impossible to shut it off completely but I’m almost annoyed at myself for letting this little thing disrupt my sleep! I was literally dreaming about potential situations depending on my choice of elevator or stairs.

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Sorry to hear about your bad exposure experience as a kid. It sounds like you've done a lot of work to deal with this, which is great. *I'm not a trained therapist so take this with a grain of salt.* Rather than thinking of this as a fear of elevators, or of that "elevator vertigo" feeling, think of it as a fear of anxiety. As in, you are literally afraid of feeling afraid. After all, if the vertigo feeling didn't make you anxious, you'd have nothing to ruminate about. All of the overthinking and ruminating is the brain trying to protect itself from feeling anxious. Through that lens, your goal is not to get rid of the anxiety, but to learn that you can handle it. One way you can do that is through mindfulness practice. Whenever you feel anxious (whether it's elevator-related or not), rather than immediately trying to get rid of the anxiety, try observing it. Notice the physical feelings that come with it. Notice your heart rate, sensations in your chest, clenched muscles, and the "stories" that fly through your mind. The key is to take it all in without judgement; without an agenda to get rid of it. Pretend you're an alien scientist trying to study and understand human emotions and feelings. Notice how the intensity shifts and changes the more you observe it. Rather than "oh no, I'm anxious," respond with something like: "this body is experiencing anxiety." You'll be tempted to latch onto the thoughts and try to "figure things out," but just let the thoughts come and go, like the anxiety itself. With practice, you'll eventually learn to separate the anxiety and the thoughts, and see the anxiety for what it is: nothing but an uncomfortable sensation in the body. You'll learn that the anxiety itself isn't to be feared. Once your fear of anxiety diminishes, it will be much easier not to get caught in the loop of thoughts that are trying to protect you from making the difficult decision between the stairs or elevator. Thoughts are just thoughts. The feelings are what really matter. When you learn to accept the feelings, life will get much easier. Hope this helps!

nEllie_03

Date posted: 22h

@djflorio Thank you for your two cents!! It was actually very grounding to read though and see the other ways of viewing anxiety instead of seeing it as a means of something to avoid/get rid of. I will certainly be trying to be mindful of this in my future!

MCT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

Afraid of vertigo

Over the years I’ve had vertigo a few times. The most recent couple times have been debilitating. Like I can’t even get up and walk, my head is completely spinning, I get hot and nauseous and have even vomited. I pretty much have to put my head down with my eyes closed until it passes, then I have to basically lay down the rest of the day or for a few hours before I’m back to normal. I don’t know why I was having vertigo before, and I haven’t had it in probably a year or so, but I’m always afraid it’s going to happen in certain scenarios. At work with clients or sometimes while I’m driving. My anxiety then kicks in, which makes me feel a little lightheaded or weird, which I’m then monitoring for vertigo, and the cycle continues until I’m out of the situation. I’ve never had vertigo during these times and even if I did, I know I could handle it. But it’s so annoying! I feel like this is somewhat related to my OCD and it’s definitely related to my anxiety. Anyone dealt with anything similar?

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

How do I snap out of it? Any suggestions?

I'm new and I'm really trying to control thoughts of replaying interactions I've had or things I think might happen with the people around me. This is something constant, and it causes me to repeat actions. Then I lose track of time and often end up being late. It has always affected my sleep and becomes a part of my dreams, which are also always vivid. It's always been hard for me to get up. I just constantly keep replaying different outcomes of things that it haven't happened yet going over every possible outcome with no correct answer. I'm scared of what I might say and do when at work because it's been getting worse lately. I've been terrified of socializing, because I feel like I'm going to lose it every time I speak to someone. I work directly with people doing their hair. I don't want my clients or co-workers to catch me in the act of one of my rituals or it to effect the job that I'm doing. It just makes me angry that I haven't been able to control these thoughts and it makes the rituals worse. Then I feel embarrassed after I finally stop repeating whatever it is, I'm doing. I feel like I can't trust anyone, and I’m terrified but I know it's not real. I can't afford to lose it/show it.

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 20w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

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