- Username
- hestia
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You are worthy and loved. Keep moving forward ❤️
I second this thought! Absolutely ❤️ give yourself a hug
Look in to Eckhart Tolle. He has helped me immensely. I often have the feelings too. Also, try making daily planners. One with a daily quote, things you are grateful for (very specific things), mood upon waking, top 3 priorities.. things like this. You can look back, check off accomplishments.. track the little positives in your life. You will soon learn that you are important. You do have lots to offer. You are divinely Everything you upposed to be and what the world needs.
https://www.google.com/search?q=today%27s+plan+of+action&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwior9Odl5HmAhUIOKwKHdXCDvkQ2-cCegQIABAC&oq=to&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.1.0.35i39l3j0i67l2.123448.125638..126423...1.0..3.404.2171.0j2j3j1j2......0....1.......5..35i362i39j0i3.pXuSwSh_bxo&ei=OvvhXaiqLIjwsAXVhbvIDw&bih=718&biw=412&client=ms-android-rogers-ca&prmd=inv#imgrc=91Vt5LbG5fTIgM&imgdii=j_V7J-GsXQNJfM This one is my favorite. I think it is helping me finally get control. I decorated a cute binder and printed out a bunch.. put cute decals, included a monthly calendar as well... cute tabs.. perfectly customized to my needs.
Thank you all for the encouragement. And I’ll be sure to check out those tracking sheets.
I’m even scared my mind will comb through other memories to get me stuck on. I don’t know how to handle this.
https://www.google.com/search?q=daily+planner&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjhi9D9lpHmAhVIUKwKHdu6Cb0Q2-cCegQIABAC&oq=daily+planner&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3..35i39j0i67j0l3.59706.64415..65512...1.0..2.161.2813.12j13......0....1.......5..0i24j35i362i39.cP9_1VnXmCk&ei=9_rhXaG0IsigsQXb9aboCw&bih=718&biw=412&client=ms-android-rogers-ca&prmd=inv#imgrc=S5Udg1ATonKldM I also quite liked this one too. I hope and pray you find relief. Please consider tracking your days, its hard to commit to.. but I believe it will change your life.
I’m crying so much right now. Thoughts about being stuck with OCD forever. My intrusive thoughts aren’t even causing anxiety, they just make me cry. I can’t seem to recognize if I’m doing compulsions. I feel like I’m doing ERP wrong. My OCD tells me I don’t deserve to be happy or to be surrounded by people I care about. I really want this to be over but I don’t see an end in sight. Please God just make this pain go away. I’m so tired. Sorry for such a depressing post on the holidays but I’m just feeling so alone and I feel so lost.
This post is just serving as a journal entry for me, so don’t feel the need to respond, but if you do, thank you! Today was an incredibly difficult day, I have into compulsions again, I hate when I do, my brain convinces me that it’ll help me but it leaves me feeling like absolute garbage. Today was a bad day, even though my mom didn’t go to work today, which usually makes me happy because them I’m not home alone all day. She was taking care of my step dad, he had really bad heart burn last night and apparently couldn’t breathe, I think it’s called GERD, but he seems better today, but most of her attention was focused on making sure he was okay. I hate how selfish I feel, even though he actually needed help and watched today, I was still wanting to talk with my mom and have her attention. I hate OCD, I used to be able to just hangout in my room all day and not have to constantly be around my mom. But my anxiety has been flaring so much. POCD, Real Event, and False Memory are a horrible combination. I’m still terrified of what I saw weeks ago earlier in November. It’s left me mortified and scarred. No amount of reassurance has been able to help me, not from the suicide hotline, not from my mom, and not from my friends. I feel horrible and don’t know how I’m going to make until the end of the month. I just need to wait until January 1st before my insurance can cover any therapy sessions, so I have to wait. I’m looking into making a session with a general therapist just so I have someone to talk to this month. My past decisions, from when I was younger are haunting me, and again, reassurance has stopped working. I’m at a point where I feel like I’m ready to give up. But I could never put more pain into my moms heart. I wish I had someone in real life to talk to about OCD, someone who actually has it themselves and understands the pain that comes with it. I feel so alone, but I also really feel as if I don’t deserve help. I still want to isolate from the world, or banish myself from society as a whole. And as much as I know how cheesy or ridiculous that sounds, it’s the only thing that seems to make sense to me. I’m tired of compulsions, they don’t reduce my anxiety at all, maybe they did before, but now it just seems like these compulsions are self destructive and it’s my brain wanting to punish or destroy me. I’ve lost all motivation to do anything, I can’t even do chores without feeling incredibly torn down and defeated, I just sit around all day ruminating, or scrolling mindlessly through social media to just distract myself, I do nothing productive. This semester is almost over, so at least that weight will be lifted a little bit. I’m just done. Hopefully tomorrow’s journal entry is a little bit more brighter or hopeful, but I doubt it. I suppose these journal entries mainly serve just to let my thoughts out, and maybe read back on them someday to remember or for whatever reason I’ll need them. I’m gonna go take out my trash bins and then get into bed, everyone is asleep right now and it’s barely about to be 10 here. I feel like such scum and waste of time.
CW: fears of bigotry - I would feel absolutely horrible if I made anyone feel uncomfortable. I have no intention of minimizing the genuine trauma and injustice of oppressive systems. I beg of you not to read this if you might be insulted, and I apologize in advance for any potential harm my honesty might cause. I really hope it doesn’t. Also CW for anxiety about worthlessness/stupidity and lying/exaggerating diagnosis. Hey everyone. I want to start by saying that, if you’re only logging on for a few minutes, you don’t need to prioritize my post. I know many folks on here are in crisis and don’t have much of a support system, and I believe they need and deserve responses before I do. (I have a therapist and supportive family.) But I’ve been afraid to post on here for a few months now, and I’m finally doing it, though I don’t really know why, because it feels futile + wrong. I’m so terrified that I’m a worthless person in every way. I feel like I’m a disgusting bigot. I have horrible racist thoughts and I know I’m not sufficiently disturbed by them. I was diagnosed with OCD, but I feel like I’m just using this as an excuse when I am, in truth, an unforgivable monster. I’ve had therapists tell me that, if I was truly who I think and fear I am, I wouldn’t be so disturbed by my thoughts, but I just don’t believe that’s true, even if I wish it were. I know that these beliefs are evil because of the environment I grew up in, but wanting to be anti-oppressive doesn’t necessarily mean one is; anybody can hold bigoted beliefs, even if they don’t like them, and I feel I must pay attention to them and suffer as a result. I’m currently on leave from college and I know I’m going to have to go back because that’s what my parents want, but I truly feel I am a horrible person and I don’t deserve success or happiness. I feel I should suffer in perpetuity and be isolated from society; otherwise, I may forget how diabolical I truly am. I feel terrified that I’m exaggerating my suffering; that I’m not depressed or anxious enough and that I’m too easily getting through the day, which a good person with these thoughts or a truly mentally ill person never could, but that I’m not even afraid enough of being a liar. I need to be a good person and do the right thing, but I’m being forced into treatment, which I know is a privilege; however, I fear it will desensitize me from my horribleness, thereby making me even worse. I’ve tried so hard to believe I’m not this awful person, because I desperately don’t want to be, but I can’t delude myself when the evidence is overwhelming. I know that if these were just intrusive thoughts, I wouldn’t have the right ones sometimes and the wrong ones in other situations; I wouldn’t be able to so easily move past them, and there wouldn’t be exceptions to my horrible beliefs. I also know that I am a worthless person in other ways. I am so stupid, incompetent, and irresponsible. I don’t even know how to navigate getting around my city despite being 20, I lack common sense and basic knowledge - I am a horrible human being and I feel like I lied to myself for my whole life.
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