- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
You are worthy and loved. Keep moving forward ❤️
I second this thought! Absolutely ❤️ give yourself a hug
Look in to Eckhart Tolle. He has helped me immensely. I often have the feelings too. Also, try making daily planners. One with a daily quote, things you are grateful for (very specific things), mood upon waking, top 3 priorities.. things like this. You can look back, check off accomplishments.. track the little positives in your life. You will soon learn that you are important. You do have lots to offer. You are divinely Everything you upposed to be and what the world needs.
https://www.google.com/search?q=today%27s+plan+of+action&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwior9Odl5HmAhUIOKwKHdXCDvkQ2-cCegQIABAC&oq=to&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.1.0.35i39l3j0i67l2.123448.125638..126423...1.0..3.404.2171.0j2j3j1j2......0....1.......5..35i362i39j0i3.pXuSwSh_bxo&ei=OvvhXaiqLIjwsAXVhbvIDw&bih=718&biw=412&client=ms-android-rogers-ca&prmd=inv#imgrc=91Vt5LbG5fTIgM&imgdii=j_V7J-GsXQNJfM This one is my favorite. I think it is helping me finally get control. I decorated a cute binder and printed out a bunch.. put cute decals, included a monthly calendar as well... cute tabs.. perfectly customized to my needs.
Thank you all for the encouragement. And I’ll be sure to check out those tracking sheets.
I’m even scared my mind will comb through other memories to get me stuck on. I don’t know how to handle this.
https://www.google.com/search?q=daily+planner&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjhi9D9lpHmAhVIUKwKHdu6Cb0Q2-cCegQIABAC&oq=daily+planner&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3..35i39j0i67j0l3.59706.64415..65512...1.0..2.161.2813.12j13......0....1.......5..0i24j35i362i39.cP9_1VnXmCk&ei=9_rhXaG0IsigsQXb9aboCw&bih=718&biw=412&client=ms-android-rogers-ca&prmd=inv#imgrc=S5Udg1ATonKldM I also quite liked this one too. I hope and pray you find relief. Please consider tracking your days, its hard to commit to.. but I believe it will change your life.
I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞
tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.
I had a really hard day yesterday. I had a memory come up, of a thought i had years ago, when my OCD was still fairly fresh. I remember that i was fantasizing, and i had a thought pop in of one of my obsessions, and for a second, i think i may have entertained it- maybe even enjoyed it. I talked about this with my first therapist and was able to move past it, but it has remained one of my stickiest and most horrible thoughts. Yesterday i tried to think through it again, and i definitely had an arousal feeling. I have this terrible fear that i could enjoy my obsessions if i just let go. I don’t want to be the kind of person who enjoys these things. I have a life and a family that i love so much, i’m just so deeply afraid of being irreparably evil. I feel like i’ve done something horrible, and that it’s only a matter of time before people find out. I don’t even necessarily know what the thing is that i’m supposed to have done. My brain offers a myriad of options, of course, but i’m usually able to talk myself through them- or when i’m not, have a family member talk me through them. I’m afraid i’m fooling them all. I just want to be a good person, but i feel like such an imposter. I want to be loved so desperately, but i feel like anyone who can find it in themself to love me must be evil too.
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