Not Looking for Reassurance

Sorry about how long this is!! Hello to the person reading this!! I'm new to this site and I just finished my profile! In my bio it describes my situation and why I joined. If anyone has time to check out my profile and read what I wrote I would really appreciate it! In my bio I said "disorders/conditions" referring to the things I might have that are undiagnosed, but I do not in any way mean disorder or condition in a negative way I just don't know another word or phrase to use and if you have some please tell me so I can fix it ASAP. I'm asking you to go to my profile because what I want to talk about it is a LOT of reading, and it would be easier for me and from how I think about people reading these posts hopefully easy for you as a reader! If you think it would be easier for me to just post it also let me know. If after reading it, you have anything to say about my situation or something I said feel free to comment on this post and let me know! I'm open to anything you would like for me to know about how you feel about something I said, any advice, any constructive criticism so I can fix certain words or phrases, if you think I should get rid of something or add something, any feedback about the things I mentioned, any resources you recommend for me to check out to educate myself more on something I said that you disagree with or just something you think might help, if you think something I said was just plain wrong please tell me why and if you're able to give me something to switch it to so it is more accurate or something I can read with correct information on that subject so I can edit it and correct myself, and just anything you recommend for me to do, read, fix, change, consider, anything! I tried my hardest to make sure what I said wouldn't be taken the wrong way because of the way I worded it but if anyone thinks something I said could be said in a better way or shouldn't be said at all tell me so I can fix or remove it. Again, I am open to constructive criticism on anything you think needs it! I am not in any way trying to be rude or offensive to anyone and if anything I said rubbed you the wrong way or if you could understand what I meant but others might take it the wrong way please tell me how you feel and if you want to give me suggestions to fix the statement I will take all of them into consideration and if anybody wants me to leave the platform because you think it may not be right for me, let me know you feel that way so I can educate and improve myself so I can find somewhere that would suit my situation better. If you need any extra info or context, I'll provide it to help you better understand. I included some things about my family history so if that is unnecessary let me know and I'll remove it. If you notice something that just doesn't have anything to do with what I'm trying to say, and it's just not needed in my bio to help explain my situation tell me! I will do my best to make sure if someone comments that I will respond but I'm doing schoolwork so it won't be immediately, but I will try to respond to everyone when I can. I joined this website for support from people who might understand what I'm going through and might have some advice that helped them. I mentioned in my bio I am not diagnosed with OCD so I understand if you don't think I should be talking about my situation on here. I came here because I think I might have OCD, but I am not diagnosed in any way, and I am not trying to diagnose myself. If anyone thinks anything negatively about something I said, please comment on this post what it was that made you feel that way and something I could do to fix the thing I said that you did not like but if you do comment because you have negative thoughts, PLEASE TELL ME but also please try to keep it remotely respectful. I don't want anyone to feel like I am trying to be rude, mean, disrespectful or anything like that so if you do feel like that tell me what I said that needs fixed!!!! I want everyone to be comfortable so if something makes you uncomfortable, please let me know! Sorry about this long message I just want to make sure you guys know to come to me about anything you think of what I said or something I should do or something to make by bio more positive. I am so grateful for anyone that reads this and my bio even if you don't have anything to say about anything I said. I am just grateful that you even read this message. I hope all of you have a wonderful rest of your days/nights! I hope you are able to find the support you need to cope with your struggles because you matter, and you deserve the love, support, and kindness people may not have given you in the past. I hope you all know how amazing you are. I want you all to know proud I am of you for waking up today. I am so proud of you for making it through everything you've been through prior today because you are alive today and right now and that is one of the best things anyone could do. I don't want to sound like I'm trying too hard, but I feel like some people really need to hear it even from a stranger. I hope you all know that even though I don't personally know you I am proud of you for being alive today. You are doing amazing in your journey with your mental health. Sorry if I said too much. Btw I added a trigger warning because some stuff I wrote about in my bio could be triggering if it has any specific tags as to what it is a warning for on this message it probably won't line up with what I said in my bio. Anyways I hope if you read all of this you check out my profile and give me some feedback!

Lately I’ve seen way too many comments under posts about OCD, especially the harm, POCD, and relationship themes that are incredibly misinformed and honestly harmful. People saying things like “these thoughts are unnatural,”or “you need to go get real help” and encouraging confession ***compulsions*** when they clearly have no understanding of how OCD actually works. Let me be clear: OCD involves distressing and unwanted thoughts, images, or urges. That doesn’t make someone dangerous. It makes them someone with a mental illness who is terrified of their own brain. Saying these people are “unnatural” or implying they’re broken only reinforces shame, and shame is the opposite of what helps anyone heal. If you’re commenting under OCD-related posts on an OCD ***app*** without understanding what intrusive thoughts are, or what compulsions can look like, or **how OCD can attach itself to the things we fear most** then please, stop. You are not helping. You’re reinforcing stigma and pushing people further into silence. OCD is already isolating. We don’t need more people moralizing or projecting trauma theory onto something they haven’t experienced or don’t understand. If you really care, go learn. Read about intrusive thoughts. Learn about ERP therapy. Or maybe just listen. Because some of us are barely hanging on, and comments like those don’t just miss the point, they can do real damage. I’m sorry if I come off too angry, it just really upsets me to see people speak on something they clearly don’t understand. End of rant. Thank you for reading 🤍

Unfortunately, I have been a Care/Case Manager. Although I struggle in school and was directed to become a Social Worker I selected something else. I did that because I did not have faith in SWs. Why, because everyone I had shadowed or worked with did not genuinely care about their work or actually the quality of their help, referrals or resources they'd provided. I have cared about all my past roles and work. Because my work ethics are purposeful. So I don't understand those who do things for ONLY A CHECK or to say I DID IT with no motivation in quality or outcome? That use to bother me. So I never wanted SW. I'm far from a perfect person in career, home and life itself. Don't get me wrong, helping others help themselves is very hard work. I remember when my BFF wanted to go to college for nursing. She was so upset because she thought the work were going to be a step-by-step hand held guide. I said no. She said, you are pretty much reading and studying all this massive information and then tested in it! How do you know you are studying the correct details or information need for the test!? I said, you don't, you just have to makes sure you know and understand and can explain the list from your syllabus. " She said I'm paying to teach myself!? Yes, pretty much. Why do you think I had to have Tudors and I was always on campus still at midnight... She is a LSW now and grumbles like the rest of them. She feels it's all Mental Health and Addiction and does not get any purposeful fullment out of her work. That was what bothered me most about SWs. They loose the inspirational, motivated light in their eyes, their spirit to want to help, to encourage, to be involved to solve and resolve. Of course you don't always have all the answer, everyone can not always be help at each encounter and "the struggle must be a real to you as it is to those who really need your help." My point to ALL OF THIS. I have completed fallen through the cracks. And once again, dependant ONLY on me and my ability. I said to several CMs, SWs and Organization "need help," "211," "United Way," and "findhelp.com or org:" I suppose I have to literally be deaf, intellectually 75+% disable, mentally incapable of making decisions for myself. A certifiable suicide attempts, with active ideation, a master plan to do harm to self and others strategically planned. Also, histories of drug and alcohol abuse with a criminal historical background. In addition to absolute homeless, actively in critical mental and behavioral crisis to pass requirements to get help? You know what is most ironic about it ALL; ever program mission or vision has TO REDUCE HOMELESSNES, SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND MENTAL HEALTH??? Huh? I pretty much have to be all of thee above and actively shooting up, selling myself with abusive marks and malnutritional signs and symptoms to get help. Neurodivergent behavioral does not qualify. I literally overheard a volunteer say to her peers that her son has been diagnosed with ADHD they prescribed him Adderall and all is well now. She walked passed me as if my struggle is not real. Wow. I'm tired. Who was to go through this just to be needy and put out on the street. I don't like asking for help nor holding my hand out. I don't even like expressing "how does that make you feel..." It's obsolete and irrelevant to them genuinely. I can talk to myself ALL DAY LONG, I can ask myself while looking in a mirror and say, "Hey, how does that make you feel." Your feelings do not pay the bills, don't find you the appropriate network or connections for skills and work, and don't prevent homeless. Yes, I do believe in therapy and science, but I do not believe in the genuineness of all HC providers. Especially when you cannot help yourself in that moment and you actually need them. You should hear the statement that comes out of others mouth behind it all. Life is not funny... even when you must have a reason to laugh. While in college, a Preceptor said to us, "OH! Suicide patients burns me. I think they all show get on one island and off each other since they never complain the task." The blew my head off? Then later in life, my experience with it. Helped my understand in another prospective. But I'd never feel that way. Even though I now understand that statement I don't carry that harsh passion behind it. Some people are completed but it does not mean throw them away. It only means YOU can deal or function with it. So it's not them, it's you. Mental health and behavioral HC providers, this take a special individual, with a special kind and caring understanding heart and soul. Because you must not just genuinely care for others but also know how to balance caring for self as well as them. This is a critical balance. That is hard for most. Only the strong will survive some say, most will not sacrifice self. But pretend to GAF. I don't expect that you must sacrifice self, even in a selfless, sometimes unrewarding role. Sometimes, no thank yous, no great job, no recognition of your hard devoted effort. Sometimes not even they appreciation from that person you assisted in helping to land safely in thier crisis. Sometimes, the only reward is, today I did manage to save a life, help a desperate person, find a safe place for someone or got them the help that they needed that comes from only you. Sometimes, if I can just reach out and hold a person hand and genuinely say I'll do what I can ... and mean it. Follow up is very, very important. After, informing everyone I have received my notice to vacate, with no boxes, no movers, no help. It's been very quiet for 8 days now. Last four months, they all wanted life stories, events, all sorts of documentation. Once received, now what? I don't trust anyone but me... I must tell this story because it is significant here. I was a a telehealth group like NOCD during Covid. A guy was telling his story and saying to us that he was unable to trust himself. Those words impacted me so emotionally, I was sad, scared, empathetic toward him and I cried. Didn't expect myself to feel that way. I realized that I would absolutely be lost if I did not trust me. Have the most wonderful rest of you day. And give yourself some grace and smile. Excuse my grammar errors, I do not feel like correcting nothing.