OCD and Ghosting

I started talking to this girl a few weeks ago. At first, everything seemed great, she asked questions, planned a date, even rescheduled when she couldn’t make the first one. Then, out of nowhere, she ghosted me for about eight days. When she came back, she apologized and said she’d been going through a tough time and was scared of going back in the dating world but really liked me and didn’t want me to think I did anything wrong. We started texting again, and it felt like we were back on track. But over the past few days, she’s been inconsistent with long gaps between responses. So last night I basically asked her if she was actually interested in talking or not, to which there wasn’t a quick response so I followed up calling myself dramatic and apologizing. When I woke up there still wasn’t a response and I went into an OCD episode where I thought I had messed everything up and felt the need to overly explain myself with a few more texts even mentioning the OCD because I know how double, triple or however many texts come off. My OCD spiraled, and I ended up sending multiple texts trying to explain myself and apologize, which I now regret. I didn’t say anything mean, the gist was trying to explain myself and apologizing. She hasn’t responded to those messages yet, and I’ve managed to calm my nerves a bit but has anybody had their OCD act up in similar ways? I feel really bad for sending multiple texts but in an OCD episode it felt like I had to in order to calm myself; which I know is irrational. Has anyone been through something similar or have strategies for handling this kind of relationship anxiety and overthinking?

julianofnorwich

Date posted: 11w

This sounds very much like me and texting g my friends . Sometimes when I can't handle the temptations to text someone I write their number on a notebook, and then delete it from my phone. That way if I actually have to text them I have to go find that notebook and enter their number. This way it kinda slows me down from texting too much because I have time to think "wait what am I doing right now?"

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 11w

Writing compulsive messages is totally something I've done yes. Unfortunately the only way of dealing with this is to accept the uncertainty of not knowing. Maybe set some boundaries for yourself. Something like "I will not text until X amount of time" or "I will not check my phone for X amount of time". Overthinking is often a compulsion in OCD. When you notice you are compulsively ruminating it helps to say out loud "I notice I am ruminating. This is an OCD compulsion. I will stop the compulsion now" and the you move on with whatevers you do and try not to do the compulsion. At first this feels silly and like it will never work but it does if you stay consistent. You need to give your brain permission to calm down basically

julianofnorwich

Date posted: 11w

This is very helpful thanks

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w

Hi sometimes I still do this when my guard is down because I feel safe or very tired to regulate my emotions. It helps me offset some of the stress to write it separately somewhere else what i want to say to them in the moment to acknowledge and pinpoint what I'm worried about without getting reassurance nor spilling over with over explanations for others to absorb my left over anxiety. Then I rewrite and read it out loud with "I'm scared I might" scenarios. My OCD stems from PTSD (actually being rejected or my character being scrutinized) and anxious attachment (wanting constant catering in the guise of consistency to reassure so I don't have to absorb love, but someone loves for me). I'm a lot better now and more self compassionate which helps lessen the need and intensity of over sharing in a way i would feel anxious about with uncertainty. I still over share yet in more acceptable and autonomy moments like helping someone or someone asking me to expand on it.

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