ERP desensitization and confusion

Hi. So I've been restructuring my views on taboo,intrusive sexual thoughts for a while now and it's ended up with me being desensitized to them via ERP and CBT. The issue now is that.., I feel desensitized. I don't feel as much anxiety as I did, which I feel like is the only thing stopping me from acting on the thoughts besides my values. I don't feel as disturbed, I don't feel as distressed with groinal reponses, I don't feel as distressed experiencing unwanted arousal which makes this feel so insanely real. I've moved from focusing on thoughts to focusing on what's happening emotionally, all day, every day, trying to "catch myself" feeling something wrong and then wondering what that means about me, whether it does or doesn't, what to do etc. I also started engaging in this ritual where I bring up a wanted thought or image then go to the unwanted image and check for either a change in reaction or a new reaction appearing, or vice versa: automatically neutralizing a bad thought with a good thought, experiencing arousal as a result of the good thought, but then wondering if it wasn't because of the bad one all along. It's tremendously confusing and concerning - I sometimes experience this very odd feeling of chest tightness or warmth that feels like anxiety but also sexual for some reason, but it's definitely still anxiety. However what's more concerning is I feel much more comfortable with such a taboo topic than I did as a result of "not reacting" as I was told to do. Like ERP somehow normalized these thoughts and made me actually fine with them even though I really don't want that to be the case. Ideas?

🍒Kk123🍒

Date posted: Yesterday

Okay this is VERRRRY normal what you’re experiencing is called a back door spike! I experienced this and I understand where you are, even today I got a distressing thought but wasn’t anxious. Also use this as an example when a loved one passes away at the beginning it’s VERY emotional but as time passes you cry less and think of it less, not because you don’t miss that person but because your mind literally heals over time and gets “used” to the fact they aren’t here. It’s the same for OCD… when you keep getting the same thought over and over and over again your mind becomes less anxious not because you are going to do it but because it has literally had a fire alarm go off in your brain for no fire. Also when your doing ERP your making your brain get used to the thoughts as simply thoughts and not ACTUAL events! So this is great, however the things you are doing now are NOT great and will cause other issues in your OCD journey!

PureOIsHellO...

Date posted: Yesterday

Sure, I guess if it started as OCD it's still probably OCD Feels so strange though, like sometimes I get a GR out of nowhere and I don't even know what led up to it so I start checking what caused it and worrying Or sometimes I panic even at regular thoughts, not because I don't want them, but because I'm afraid of what's gonna pop up next and how I'll react, so I get even more confusion on top of that Really strange stuff, still causes me to outright avoid sexuality but I'm trying to not do that

hbocd

Date posted: 16w

ERP Therapy

I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.

Andrew Escobar

Date posted: 12w

Desensitization?

Is anyone else sort of desensitized by their intrusive thoughts? I still get slight discomfort, and I don't like them, but I think I've been becoming numb to them in a way? It might just be a mental drain. I've been having an anxiety spike due to them for a month now.

Anonymous

Date posted: 8w

Need help right now

So been trying to do erp with my therapist for a while now, and tis really hard and feels like it's not working. Il get this weird sensation or feeling that makes me feel"gay" or as if I'm attracted to someone, and I know my therapist keeps telling me" you don't have to put meaning into the thoughts or feelings" but that seems impossible to do because and I'm sorry to say, it makes me feel that specific way. And I'll use the Erp quotes, "maybe maybe not" or"the more I struggle, the worse it gets" or"these feelings and thoughts are here, but I'm choosing to let them be" and I'll do nothing and try to let it be here but it's so distracting and feels very real, and it's like this sensation, small or big and it last all day, and even just sitting with it isn't working. And my therapist will tell me"you don't have to believe in it" and I'm sorry I feel like if it were that easy, OCD would have never been a problem in the first place, or live with uncertainty, however it doesn't feel like uncertainty, but feels very truthful or valid. Idk what I'm doing wrong tho

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ERP desensitization and confusion

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