kennadras

Date posted: 20h

starting medicatation

so one of my biggest struggles lately is that my OCD has gotten significantly worse, and i’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and going through medication management for this as well. my only issue is that i have tried like 6 different anxiety meds or ssri’s now in the past couple of months because everytime i start one, i start having severe panic attacks and have to stop due to spiraling thoughts. it started with paxil(paroxetine) i started that first on the lowest dose, took it around 11pm just to wake up around 5am pupils so big you couldn’t see the color of my eyes, extreme tremors, dizziness so bad i couldn’t stand up and nausea. i went to the hospital because one of my biggest fears is serotonin syndrome, having seizures, all that because a LOT of my OCD is health based. they treated me like i was a crazy person in the ER, just gave me 2 strong Benadryl and hardly checked on me as i sat there shaking, crying, eyes wide open you’d think i saw a ghost. i felt so neglected. every since then when i try new medication, i have what i THINK is just panic attacks from thought spirals but i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not now. i can’t tell if it’s just OCD and my body mimicking those symptoms because of anxiety, or if im having a bad reaction again. it’s made trial and error with medication so exhausting and really really emotional. i haven’t cried this much in a month since i was maybe 17, and im 22 now. i don’t know what to do or how to continue medication management when i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

Are you in OCD therapy with a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy? Meds AND OCD talk therapy with a trained OCD therapist is known to be effective. Meds without OCD/ERP is only marginally effective at best. I base this on personal experience. Perhaps others have had a different outcome. Many psychiatrists aren't trained to treat OCD, which is a peculiar disorder and doesn't respond well to standard therapy. If you need to find a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy, you can contact NOCD. Hope this helps.

kennadras

Date posted: 20h

@Steven55! so i JUST started yesterday and have a second appointment today! it will take time to get adjusted of course, i just dont know what to do in the mean time. i haven’t even been able to leave my house in like a month since my ocd has been so bad. i have meltdowns when i try to leave and so until i can get therapy and medication sorted out idk if ill be able to leave the house at all so its just super frustrating :( i wanna get back to normal day to day life but instead im constantly trapped at home and idk how long it will be before i can figure it all out. i do psychiatry via telehealth as well and also have other people pick up my prescriptions like i literally haven’t left for anything in a month now

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

Great! I know it's difficult now, but believe me when I write that you are on the road to recovery! Just try to be patient. A year from now you'll look back and thank God that you took these steps.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

Is your psychiatrist using ERP therapy?

kennadras

Date posted: 20h

@Steven55! my psychiatrist recommended using therapy on here as she is just for medication management so i started therapy on here yesterday, getting all set up and situated with it so i can start erp

JenJen987

Date posted: 14h

Hmm, I haven’t ever heard of Lamotrigine. I’ll have to do some research. Did Busbar work at all for you? I guess we just have to weigh the risks with the benefits. I feel like absolute garbage right now because of a surgery I have to have which is giving me the most overwhelming anxiety and panic because I’ve never had surgery so I desperately need to try something to get out of this panic.

kennadras

Date posted: 14h

@JenJen987 buspar just takes a while to work. i was using it paired up with the ssris i was trying and then i was told to stop the buspar to see if that was what was making me feel funny (it wasn’t, i still felt funny with just the ssris alone) and i was never told to go back on it after stopping the ssris. i’ve heard great things about it from some people, my mom is on it with her lexapro. i don’t really hear any negative reviews from it. it honestly for me personally just seemed like it wasn’t doing anything but everyone is different!

JenJen987

Date posted: 14h

@kennadras Oh that’s good to hear. I’m going to try it. Thank you for some reassurance on that. I also take fluoxetine. I may eventually try Lexapro instead of the fluoxetine if I don’t feel better because I’ve heard good things about it. Just curious when you go to the hospital does your heart rate and blood pressure shoot up? Mine does dramatically even at just doctor visits or any medical procedure.

kennadras

Date posted: 12h

@JenJen987 yes! one time they admitted me when i was in the ER getting fluids bc they could not get my heart rate to go back down and they were a little worried. they knew j had anxiety but i was just recovering from an infection so they had to make sure the high heart rate and higher white bloodcell count didn’t indicate that i was going into like sepsis or something which only freaked me out more and raised my heart rate more! i was in the hospital for like 48 hours and on ativan to help with the anxiety so they could get my heart rate down to discharge me. i have horrible health OCD and i freak out everytime i go to the doctors, hospital(even if its not for myself), dentist, etc. i had to have my front teeth fixed a few months ago and had to double up on my vistaril for it to try to stay relaxed and i STILL was an anxious mess the whole time. i have a horrible habit of constantly checking my heart rate or other vitals too which is a compulsion that really only makes health anxiety worse. its a habit i need to keep trying to break, i have gotten slightly better at it though! it’s a matter of not feeding into the thought or urge to check and telling myself it’s JUST a thought and not my reality. i get tons of physical symptoms due to the anxiety, lightheadedness, heart rate and blood pressure spikes, numbness in different limbs, hot flashes, pins and needles, tremors, etc. panic attacks literally mimic heart attacks which can make it worse if you ALLOW it to. you have to kinda just tell yourself, you’ve felt this before and you were fine the several times it’s happened before. i try to ignore those physical symptoms if possible. ice packs on my neck or chest also seem to help bring me back to reality and regulate my nervous system a bit. it lowers my heart rate, regulates my breathing, and kinda just snaps me back, not all the time but a lot of the time! it’s prob one of the only things i’ve found that works most of the time that’s not taking my vistaril.

JenJen987

Date posted: 11h

This exactly! I get nausea too where I can’t eat and then get anxiety about that because I start losing weight but I just cannot eat when I feel so bad. It’s just a never ending spiral of negative. Recently my anxiety has been horrible in the morning but by late afternoon I feel somewhat normal and my brain is more “logical”. It’s like a switch flips later in the day and I feel like I can function. I read that it might be due to cortisol in the morning. I have heart related anxiety too. I’m scared when I have to get surgery they are going to say they can’t do the surgery because my heart rate and blood pressure will be so high. Just one of the many negative things I anticipate. Then they might tell me I need to get my heart checked which will send me spiraling further even it’s the anxiety. Ugh. So I totally get what you mean about your hospital visit with an infection. I feel like people without anxiety are just like, “no big deal, do what you gotta do.” I, on the other hand, feel like it’s the end of the world. I want to be able to deal with these normal things in life without becoming paralyzed with anxiety. I’m sure you feel that way too. You mentioned you get anxiety in medical situations even when it’s not for you. This is me 100% too. My husband had to go to the er and they had me leave the room and sit outside because they thought I was going to pass out just by looking at me. I have the heart rate monitor on my Apple Watch, blood pressure monitor and all that too. I was getting better about not checking until this recent health stuff came up and I started feeling really bad again. I like what you said about it being “just a thought and not reality”. I’m going to try to remember that. My saying recently has been “this too shall pass” like the times before. I like the idea of cold packs. Going to try. I did try a cold cloth on my head last time I started going into a panic attack. It worked a bit but an ice pack would probably be better at shocking and resetting the system.

kennadras

Date posted: 11h

@JenJen987 i had actually passed out once and the ER referred me to a cardiologist which has 100% made me spiral bc chances are there’s nothing wrong with my heart, they couldn’t find anything other than tachycardia which happens to so many ppl especially those of us with anxiety but since i have OCD, being referred to the cardiologist has forever given me that “what if” now unfortunately but that’s just something to work on. i know separating the OCD intrusive thoughts from your actual thoughts of your own is rly important for getting better at this stuff because once you recognize something is just an OCD thought, you can make the effort to stop giving attention to it, the more you give attention and energy to it, the more you will spiral. i also have an apple watch and i’ve been checking it less and less lately even though it’s extremely difficult. i tell myself i don’t need to check it and that the urge to check it is just my ocd brain, nothing is wrong. sometimes it works and sometimes i cave, it’s a slow process and that’s okay! as of right now my newest problem is i’ve developed agoraphobia 🥲 i haven’t left my house in a month now. i feel more fine, safe and healthy when im at home, not fully but definitely more safe than when i try to leave the house. i’ve made the effort to TRY a couple of times now and it hust resulted in spiral thoughts leading to panic attacks. but now that im getting established in therapy for my OCD, im learning more and hopefully ill be willing to try to leave again soon even if i don’t go very far. then i can use things i’ve learned in therapy and from others with OCD to combat the OCD thoughts. it’s really starting to take over my life and it’s quite upsetting so im trying to take my life back now. are you in therapy by any chance?

JenJen987

Date posted: 11h

Also my therapist mentioned TMS therapy and ketamine therapy if you are interested in looking those up. Don’t think I could do the ketamine because I would freak out. My mom also found this Stellate Ganglion Block (SGB)therapy but that one sounds rather scary too but sounds like it has good outcomes and they say it’s safe.

kennadras

Date posted: 11h

@JenJen987 oh i see now from this one that you mentioned you ARE in therapy so that answers my one question above lol. i’ve been so interested in TMS therapy but id have to be able to conquer the agoraphobia to do that. all of my therapy and psychiatry right now is via telehealth since i cant leave my house. i also had read about ketamine therapy too but like you said that’s sooo intimidating

JenJen987

Date posted: 9h

@kennadras Oh yeah, I forgot…tms therapy does require a lot of time in office, like every day for 5-6 straight weeks. It must get expensive too if you have a co-pay every time like I do.

kennadras

Date posted: 20h

and now my psychiatrist has prescribed me lamictal(lamotrigine) and i’m too scared to take it bc of the black box warning for stephen johnson’s syndrome. i’ve seen wya to many ppl get it and i feel like i have shit luck so i’m petrified

JenJen987

Date posted: 15h

I feel you. I have health ocd and am terrified of trying new meds. I just got prescribed a few different meds and am overwhelmed with them all and also I know that one of them I won’t be taking, propranolol, because that one really freaks me out. I am going to try the Busbar that I have been prescribed. I get the panic attacks when trying something new. I took a half a Xanax once and gave myself a panic attack🤦🏼‍♀️ I was given Ativan while in the hospital for a panic attack and they didn’t tell me until afterwards and it made me feel better so now that is the only one I am comfortable with. If they would have told me ahead of time I probably would have freaked out at first. I would venture to say that your reactions are from your actual anxiety and not the meds because I do the same thing. Maybe if you start with the lowest dose or cutting it in half so that you can remind yourself that you only took a tiny amount so even if there were minor side effects (which there most likely won’t be) that they will be only minimal with such a small dose. This has helped me.

kennadras

Date posted: 14h

@JenJen987 you’ve been on a lot of similar medications to me. i’ve been on buspirone(buspar) i’m prescribed propranolol to try out to see if it helps me more than my vistaril(hydroxyzine) does but propranolol freaks me out too so i’ve yet to try it. i’ve also been given ativan in the hospital which was SO helpful, i was having panic attack after panic attack in there and i asked them if i was clear to take my hydroxyzine and they told me based off how bad my anxiety was they could give me something stronger and i was like oh okay slay and later on found out it was ativan. i think that was prob the best thing they could’ve done in that moment. ive also done ssris like smallest dose possible on different ones to begin with and still just freak out or have weird symptoms which is probably just my body doing weird things out of anxiety and stress. now with the lamotrigine, it doesn’t even matter to me how low of a dose i take bc if i were to get the SJS from it, it wouldn’t happen until i bump up most likely so im afraid to start it, it work rly well for me, and then get the rash and go through hell for a little bit and have have to stop taking it too. like i’m just horrified. prob one of the meds im most scared of but i know sooo many ppl that love it that benefit so much from it so im so torn

JenJen987

Date posted: 9h

Yes several years ago I was at the hospital seeing my aunt who was in bad health and the doctor was just talking and all of a sudden I started to black out and had to leave the room. My husband carried me to a bench and then I started hyperventilating. That was scary. I’ve been to the cardiologist and had all the tests because my ecg showed an “irregular” rhythm at times but he said that is my normal (probably caused by the tachardia) and was not concerned as all the other tests were good. I totally get what you said about “what ifs” though. Story of my life. I do get the flip flops in my chest when anxious which are scary but I’ve gotten used to that now. It is so hard to ignore the stupid ocd thoughts when they are always right there at the back, or rather front of, your mind. I’ve found some things that help the thoughts…reading books, watching funny movies, etc. Things that really engage the mind. Difficult to do in a panicked state but when it starts to subside and you can concentrate on other things. I haven’t been wearing my Apple Watch at all lately to try and stay away from checking. I let the battery go dead and leave it in the drawer. I have in the past experienced agoraphobia where I didn’t want to leave the house. I’m kindof a home body and feel most comfortable at home anyway. When I’m feeling better I am able to get out though. You will get back there and be able to go out again. It’s only temporary. Keep doing the therapy, soon maybe you can move up to trying an in-office appointment. I literally just started in person therapy again yesterday since all this came up and has been even worse the last couple of weeks. Before that I was just getting my fluoxetine filled with an online doctor. I can say when I went to the in office appointment yesterday I was all amped up at first (heart rate 120 when they took it and high bp) but after I had talked to the psychiatrist for a while I could feel it coming down. She actually recommended NOCD to me which is why I’m here for the first time today😊

Alliesun

Date posted: 8h

I take Anafranil, which isn’t an SSRI. Maybe your issue is with SSRIs?

jounaling1scool

Date posted: 7h

hi can we be friends? i understand this a lot♥

laladracu

Date posted: 23w

Harm ocd

I’ve been through a lot of trauma the past few months and years and had an anxiety breakthrough where I can’t stop having panic and anxiety attacks. I used to be a horror movie addict and one night during an anxiety attack my brain went “Kill your sister” My sister is my whole world. It all went downhill from there. I can’t even be around her when were home alone anymore. Every single day since then my brain is trying to tell me a bunch of different ways to harm her. Its getting to a point where its involving others now. “Kill your sister.” “What if you finally go back to your boyfriends house and kill his family?” “What if you kill mom?” “Kill that lady walking down the aisle at work.” “What if you killed yourself?” “You’re a bad person for thinking all of this.” “You shouldn’t be allowed to sleep, eat or relax. Bad people don’t get to do those things.” “These thoughts are in your head 24/7 because you WANT to do these things!” Its causing me so much anxiety and racing thoughts and I don’t want to become anymore depressed. SSRIs dont work. My doctor wants me to go on antipsychotics but I’m afraid to and I feel like I don’t actually need them and it will cause more damage. My goal is to become the person I was before all of this. Not to change completely. I tried buspirone once and I stopped due to increased health anxiety and often found myself saying “remember when you wanted to kill your sister?” and then brushing it off. It helped in some sort of way. I was only on it for a week. My whole life has changed since then. I dont go to my boyfriends house anymore, I dont see my friends, I can’t play video games anymore. All I do is ruminate and I cant stop. I cant even hold a conversation anymore. The compulsions are horrible. I’m so scared that theres no coming back from this. Its all adding to the anxiety that I don’t want to become severe depression. I just want to be me again. I’m starting off ERP and if it doesn’t work I dont know what to do. Can someone please tell me they have been through similar and have gotten better. I just need to save my life. Its getting to a point where this is convincing me this is all real and its going to happen and that im gonna become a psychopath. Its been going on for 3 months. I used to be so bubbly and happy!! (I am not schizoaffective)

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 18w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

baukje

Date posted: 18w

Obsessing about… medication

I am having an appointment with my psychiatrist this afternoon and I am obsessing about what to do with my medication. I think it’s also very ocd like obsessing. I am currently on 30mg mirtazapine. Ive been on this for years (because of insomnia, anxiety and depression) (15mg) and after we tried to switch to another (amitryptiline) because of nerve pain, I went down the road of insomnia and later on ocd again. So I am back on mirtazapine, and weaning off of the amitryptiline. This is/was a very traumatic experience. Because the switch caused a mental breakdown. Now my psychiatrist has mentioned to up the mirtazapine to 45mg. And my obsessive self has done a lot of research and a lot is saying that the higher the dose, the more you can experience anxiety. And for ocd it’s obviously not the first choice. I am obsessing all morning about it. I am too scared to go up. But I am also too scared to try another and to wean myself of off mirtazapine. I feel stuck at this point. Taking two meds is also not something I want. I could really use some words of encouragement right now I think. 🥹

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