If I passed away right now today, I can safely confirm that no one would mourn me. No one will miss or care about me. And thats okay. Ive done too many horrible things. And if any of those horrible things were to be exposed I would be ridiculed, defiled and shamed. I have done too much evil in my 24 years of living to ever consider myself any form of good. So whoever values me, dont. Im too evil of a man.
Please try to refrain from posting this again and again. Try to be positive with yourself. Just try to list any positive things that are happening and things you're grateful for, man. Don't keep holding onto what happened in the past when you didn't know better and made mistakes. You've learned now. You can let go. You done all there is that can be done. Be kind to yourself. Be patient.
@BigGyro09 thank you, this is getting quite frustrating now as they’ve been told multiple times to stop posting bc it’s become a compulsion for them.
@notsohappynow I can definitely sympathize with them because of how awful it is to deal with this every single day, but yes it can be harmful to keep posting like this because it keeps you in a loop of worrying and feeling terrible about yourself.
@BigGyro09 absolutely, as someone who has also watched and seen things like this and was literally cancelled due to my ocd- i can empathize beyond belief. it is, however, very dangerous to keep posting about it not only triggering others but themself.
Reasons2live.org 🌹 REASON #1 Somebody loves you! REASON #2 You have no right to take your own life. REASON #3 You CAN make it! REASON #4 You know where your troubles are coming from and you can fight back. REASON #5 God has an answer for all your problems. REASON #6 You can help others. REASON #7 You can have a new start.
🙏”Merciful Father, …I firmly intend to fight discouragement, do little things with great love, and be merciful to my neighbor in deed, word, and prayer. 👋👄🙏 I aim to keep before my eyes 👀 my poverty, weakness, brokenness, 💔and sin,😢🙏trusting that my littleness🌸 and contrite😭💔heart will attract 🥰Your merciful love…” ♥️✝️🩵 “Eternal Father, I offer You … our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins, and those of the whole world… for the sake of His sorrowful Passion, ♥️✝️🩵 have Mercy on us, and on the whole world!” Jesus ♥️I trust in You! Amen 🙏 Blessed Mother Mary, we feel like poor, horrible, banished children of our Heavenly Father… please pray for us with a mother’s tender, compassionate♥️ heart. 🥰🌹🙏
Jesus has forgiven me for all my past present and future sins because of the blood He sacrificed. He can do it for you too. No matter what you’ve done, how bad. In the eyes of God, if you have broken one law you are guilty of breaking them all. We are all lawbreakers and sinners. Jesus is your only hope, just like He is mine. Pray that God will forgive you of your sins and that you accept the gift of salvation through the blood of Jesus and believe in Him and you will be forgiven and wiped clean forever! Praise the Lord!
Ill edit the post in... What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... im so triggered...
Throughout my teenage years, i did some horrible things that I absolutely regret now... either involuntarily or voluntarily, I hurt people... and I will regret my actions till the end of time. While I aspire to be a naval medical officer, and currently a nationally licensed EMT, this does not atone for my mistakes, nor does it remove accountability for what ive done... for anyone that I have hurt... no matter how big or small... im sorry... for everything... and I will be better as an adult in the future, and raise my future family to be better than I could ever be ... (edited)
With all the unintentional and intentional harm ive done, I keep thinking about the girl I like... she told me recently she felt scared for me because of my mental health decline, and I cant even tell her anything about my real events or my intrusive thoughts, because she would likely call me a disgusting freak, a perverted weirdo, or both... I genuinely hate living right now... I can't stand myself... When I was in high school (16 or 17), I hung out with the popular kids of school... they send me this popular girl at our school's explicit photo on snap because I was curious to see it... after I turned 18, I suddenly remembered my friends sent the photo and asked them to delete it off of the chat, as I didn't want to be in possession of any form of illegal material... Fast forward to when I was 19... my friend had broken up with his ex and wanted to send us explicit pics of her... curious at the time, I asked to see it and he sent the group (including me) some pictures... Now that Im 24, I remember him sending these pics and asked him to take down the pics in our snapchat convo... I didnt want any pics of their ex because this was harmful content... I genuinely feel so guilty and awful about this... I unintentionally hurt people... and I cant sleep at night knowing I did... You said you made mistakes when you were a teen... these were my mistakes... I genuinely feel horrible and I cant sleep at night knowing the guilt of my actions are still there... I genuinely feel awful... I hope all you dont hate me after reading this... i hope you dont block me... you've been so genuinely kind and encouraging to me... and I dont want to lose someone who cares about me on here...
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
