How long have you experienced SOOCD? (Also TMI)

I just want to know how long other ppl have been dealing with SOOCD. Prior to having SOOCD I have had other themes throughout my life but I didn’t know it was OCD bc after a month/months it would go away. These small episodes would always pop up when my home/personal life was terrible. However SOOCD has stuck the longest. It’s been 6 years and it’s really bothering me that it’s been haunting me for this long. Past therapists would always tell me I had GAD and I’ve barely started proper treatment so that’s prob why it’s stuck around for so long. I have also dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression issues as well. What’s bothering me is that I can go into “remission” but still be plagued with numbness, lack of attraction/emotions, no libido and still deal with the groinal response, checking compulsion, and get triggered from time to time. I’ve also dealt with horrible depression from 15-19 (21 now) so maybe that’s why i’m so numb. I was feeling better but felt numb like I was a rock or just a floating leaf. For the past couple years I haven’t been tormented by SOOCD but those small things always would bother me. ESPECIALLY the lack of attraction and numbness. TMI!!!!!!! but I have not had any sort of sexual desires for years and had trouble being intimate in my past relationship esp because of the constant checking. I would want to do those things so badly but my body wouldn’t react and ofc that fed my OCD. No matter what OCD tells me I know prior to ocd I was a very healthy growing girl and I would always day dream about men, read fan fiction, fantasize, yk all that. TMI AGAIN!!! But I have/haven’t had a desire to do anything like that even TMI mast*bation and when I do it’s like “well…alright i’m done.” Sorry if that was too much. I was feeling a LOT better a couple months ago, I felt motivated to get my life back after many years and OCD was kind of leaving me alone (still dealing with the occasional groinal response, occasional triggers, and checking (only when triggered)). The numbness and all that still bugged me but I ended up developing a crush (on my now bf). But as soon as I start to feel real genuine attraction and happiness OCD starts to poke at my brain. It didn’t start with SOOCD thoughts at first, it was mostly just fear about WHAT IF my numbness and loss of attraction ruin the relationship or my feelings for him. I was finding him cute without even checking but when he confessed to me it gave me anxiety and I started checking my feelings and attraction. I would be scared of being affectionate bc again I was afraid I would feel nothing. But when I redirected myself and focused on him I would feel normal again and enjoy everything. I haven’t felt that middle school giddiness and excitement over a boy in so long. I couldn’t wait to talk to him. I loved waking up and having him call me or call before bed bc he always calmed me. The attraction and excitement just made all the worries go away. There’s one date we where I wasn’t doing my checking compulsion and I felt so amazing and free. Holding his hand and being with him felt so good and sweet. Ofc the checking compulsion and anxiety ruined a lot of things at first but once I redirected myself MY GOD I felt like a normal human again and I felt like I could finally start enjoying my life. I was in such a good headspace but then the rumination started bugging me again, which triggered the anxiety, which triggered the groinal response for some reason, and then I started checking again and getting triggered by ppl on social media, and then now I’m here in another SOOCD spiral. I think my SOOCD is mixing with real event OCD and it’s all just so exhausting. I can’t even fully enjoy being with him in person now it’s a constant battle w my brain. If you check my posts you can see how i’ve been just going insaaaaane lately. I don’t even feel like I know myself anymore. I have my small moments of peace but then it all comes back to get me. I’m even getting triggered rn by a movie that my mom insists on watching but yeah that’s all. Just needed to get that out.

What is happ...

Date posted: 20d

First time I experienced this was 14 years ago, think it lasted just under a year… This time it’s hit me with full force (false attraction, loss of attraction, groinals, I could t play sport anymore or listen to music and watch television which I love to do all those things the absolute works. I’m also married and have two children with my wife which makes it difficult) since February. Keep going though, you’ve got this.

bethsx

Date posted: 20d

I went through this for the first time ever in 2019, I think I struggled with it for at least 6 months quite badly, until it started to suddenly fade into the background, since that I’ve been in a couple relationships and during these times it wasn’t always there but it was there on some days and it was something that could come up but I could brush it off. I met my ex in 2020 and had a little flare up again for about a month and then it kinda just left again but not completely I felt like majority of days I was fine and knew what I wanted and who I was and then during my periods I would have a little flare up and then it would pass again. Met my current boyfriend 2 years ago and ever since I met him I felt like my HOCD had actually disappeared and that I was genuinely over it. I barely ever had a thought. I’d say maybe a couple times in the space of they 2 years but I genuinely didn’t bother me and I was so certain of my sexuality until about a couple months ago I went through a lot of stress and I felt it creeping back up on me and now I’m in one of the worst flare ups I ever been in. I totally relate with everything your saying. Keep trying your best, we’ve got this.

carrotroot12

Date posted: 5w

No sexual drive or attraction/ rant

After I started experiencing SOOCD for the past 5 years, I have had absolutely no sexual drive and no (barely anything) attraction to men. I’ve also sort of been emotionally numb for a very long time and I think it’s due to the years of anxiety and horrible depression. Ive been living like a rock, im just floating through life. I have no interests, no hobbies, zero motivation, no goals, and i feel like im going to be stuck like this forever. TMI !!!!!! I think the last time I felt actual genuine arousal/excitement was when I reconnected with my ex a couple years back and that was literally just for a day because SOOCD shut that down quickly. Since my SOOCD started when i was young i never fully felt aroused when I was being intimate. I wanted to do it and I wanted to feel things so badly but I couldn’t/i couldn’t get fully turned on. A month ago I was starting to feel happier, the intrusive thoughts/compulsions were very rare, and I was rarely experiencing the grounds response or or triggered (even though i still had no libido or attraction). I was doing pretty good and I recently got into a new relationship and my boyfriend literally woke up the attraction, I slowly felt myself becoming less numb. Just hanging out with him I started thinking “wow he’s so cute” “i want him to kiss me” “i wish he would hold my hand” “his smile is nice why is he so fine”. I felt something so sweet and It made me so so happy. We had such sweet dates and I was starting to feel like I was getting myself back. I still didn’t have a sexual drive (it was waking up slowlllyyy) and my flare up was starting to get worse so I couldn’t fully enjoy being intimate. My flare up has gotten pretty bad again lately i’m questioning all the things I felt with him and all the attraction and feelings are being clouded by intense anxiety, doubt, and worry. It triggers the SOOCD thoughts so bad and in the shower i was worrying that my anxiety, checking (of arousal, attraction, emotions, etc), other compulsions, and numbness are going to ruin my relationship. It just makes me worry that i’ll never get those feelings back. TMI!!!!! i just want to feel h*ny again man and I want to feel those feelings I felt for my man 😭 Literally 6 years of numbness, depression, anxiety and I finally felt somewhat normal 😭 he was waking things up and my intrusive thoughts messed it all up again. Anyways, I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if ERP helped at all. I have a therapist now (thank you nocd) and I’m finally going to do ERP, try to fix my depression, and stuff like that. I’m trying to take the advice of someone who commented on one of my posts. They say that i need to continue my life no matter what ocd tells me. It’s getting harder again but I just hope the work im about to put in will allow me to finally enjoy my life.

carrotroot12

Date posted: 5w

Feel like i’m going insane

Since my ocd started when I was 15 and I did get into a long term relationship during it, my ocd has me obsessing over it. simply bc ofc when you have soocd sometimes (depends on the person) your attraction to ppl isn’t that strong or basically non existent. We ended up becoming friends and developing a relationship and I do remember thinking he was cute and had a little crush for a while I felt like a normal teenager again. We had small hangouts and I felt free because I actually felt normal and I wasn’t questioning anything when we would be together. Eventually we started dating but ofc OCD, anxiety, and depression ruled my life during that time so I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the relationship. But there definitely were times where I did (he also was a horrible boyfriend in the end). But I keep over analyzing and thinking maybe I was forcing myself in that relationship. Bc of SOOCD I didn’t enjoy being intimate because I felt numb and was always constantly checking feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction etc. I even had ROCD moment because I was finding a certain guy attractive and I had a small crush on him and I was worried I was losing feelings for my ex (again he was an rlly bad boyfriend). But i also know that I did like him but i keep on thinking “what if i didn’t” “what if the reason you couldn’t full enjoy the relationship was bc you are just in denial” “you’ve been in denial all your life” “there’s too much proof.” When we broke up i was literally devastated I WAS BALLING FOR HOURS. Now that i’m in a relationship with someone who made me feel genuine feelings and attraction after a LONG ASS TIME of pure numbness my mind can’t stop questioning. I still deal with numbness and basically no libido or attraction and this flare up is making it worse. I was doing so good all the worries were gone (again regardless of the numbness, barely any attraction, and no libido) I slowly felt myself coming back. It felt so sweet with my man even when the flare up was barely starting, when i was with him I went back to feeling calm (even when i was constantly checking if i was triggered). When the anxiety and intrusive thoughts are at bay (like a couple days ago) and I see him in person I feel slightly normal again. I feel the sweet feelings I felt for him in the beginning (getting harder now bc of compulsions). But when i’m home i go back to over analyzing EVERYTHING which makes me feel more numb. I just hate this I HATE THIS. I just want to sleep all day so I don’t have to deal with this. I want my brain to just stfu. I want to enjoy my life for once. i’ve been suffering from this since i was 15/16 now im in my 20s how much more of this shit do i have to take.

unkindledhis...

Date posted: 24d

SO-OCD and ROCD Struggles

It’s been pretty hard lately with my SOOCD and ROCD. While some may struggle with other manifestations, I on the other hand have to deal with the chronic anxiety that OCD brings. The thoughts feel like they’re in the back of my mind saying things about me and my relationship. They’re always there whispering and it’s gotten quite frustrating cause I can’t really enjoy the things I want to do. There are good times but damn is it annoying having to deal with the nausea the anxiety causes, the groinals and the false attraction that SOOCD brings. I’m thankful for my girlfriend that she tries to understand me and she really is my lifesaver. I know that my SOOCD and ROCD targets my love for her that’s why it gets stronger whenever I spend time with her. Fuck you OCD cause you ain’t ruining my love tor her. I try to be strong but damn is it hard. I’m finding myself back at square one where all symptoms are back and bad again. I’ve been doing compulsions, some occasional searching but more on constant rumination, repeating the same phrases and yeah admittedly compulsively looking here in this app to see if I relate to anyone. It sucks and I hate this. I hope you guys have tips on how to manage SOOCD and ROCD while in a relationship. I’ve had these themes for almost 2 years.

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How long have you experienced SOOCD? (Also TMI)

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