- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Personally, she should understand that you are soing the best you can as well as seeking help to better yourself for her yourself and your future kids. If she’s already showing signs that shes not supportive of it and its bothering her as well as making you feel like your incapable of having a family then I just think its very unfair to you. Yes, you do have to acknowledge how she is feeling but she should also consider how you feel as well you constantly have to battle these things every single day of your life and you do the best you can yet she picks at your flaws but expects you not to pick at hers or express opinion on things shes pro for no you need to talk to her and you both have to express exactly how you feel and work on your relationship from there.
- Date posted
- 5y
I definitely think that she should be more understanding, and I agree that she should trust modern medicine. I grew up with a father with pretty severe OCD and it was difficult, I understand where she's coming from to a certain extent. If my dad had seeked help we would have had a much more stable household. I'm not trying to beat you up, but getting help is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future family.
- Date posted
- 5y
I do understand where she is coming from, but forcing you into getting better isn't really the way to go, and making you feel guilty for not being better isn't going to help you one bit to get there. Also, I think that personally if my partner didn't believe in vaccines and modern medicine to a point that they would stop our kid from using it, I would definitely have to talk to them about it before considering having a kid with them. Just explain that just like your OCD may have an impact on the kid, her mindset towards modern medicine may have an impact on the kid as well. It doesnt have to be accusatory, but an open conversation where your feelings are communicated. You have the right to do so. Ultimately, I hope you are able to feel better for you ❤ and I hope your partner is willing to realize that doing so is possible but will take some time and understanding :) If she is not, then you will find someone someday who is, because you deserve to have somebody who is!
- Date posted
- 5y
I have been in both healthy and unhealthy relationships. In the healthy ones, communication of feelings can still be difficult, but in the end it is helpful and yields good results. If you communicate your feelings and your partner makes you feel bad for that then the relationship probably is simply not for you (I say simply although I know it's not that simple). Always remember to be true to yourself:)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Hello. I am on my first relationship, (and I want it to be my only!) I've been at it for nearly 2 years, and it first starting happening a few months in. When the relationship started, it felt perfect to me. We are both extremely different people, we have different taste, different humor (but we both made each other laugh!) and just a different way of talking about things, (I tend to be more analytical, while she isn't as much). But I considered these differences to be fine, I never felt like it was an issue because our core values are very similar and I consider her a very intelligent girl. We just enjoyed time together, and each other, I thought she was cute as hell, and even if she didn't talk in depth about a lot of stuff, that didn't matter, I enjoyed the quiet times with her just as much as the talkative times. When the OCD kicked in, that's when I started to question everything, I questioned if I even loved her in the first place, if our relationship was just a sham, if I even found her attractive in the first place, her intelligence, her point of view, even dumb petty stuff like "oh she likes THAT movie???". After my first major breakdown, I confessed a lot to her. At this point, I didn't even know what was going on until I started to look into it. And that's where I found ROCD. On one hand, it was satisfying to see something I could point to as "the problem", on the other hand, I think it gave me bad motivation, it reassured me that this was something that I could just try and ignore. After I cooled down from this, I once again had a long period of bliss. I had a good schedule with her. >Go to work >Hang out with her (spend the night at her place sometimes) >go home and hang out with friends I enjoyed my time with her, taking part in her interests, and her taking part in mine. She wasn't always 100% into the things that I was, and that was always a bit disappointing to me, but in the same way you'd be disappointed if your friend didn't like the thing you liked. (now I over analyze these moments and question if I did always care more about this or not) This moment of bliss would end after another huge trigger. A part of the OCD I have yet to mention is my tendency to be worried that "getting along with other people that I find attractive" is the equivalent of either cheating on my partner, or backstabbing them. There was someone at work that I found attractive and I had a moment where it felt like I may have developed a thing for them, I still don't know if it's true because I generally found them to be annoying at times. I made a joke during work, that felt like I was propping myself up to them, I still don't know my motivation behind this joke, because it feels like it could have been something that I would have joked about to anyone, but I'm still not even sure about it. Either way I basically had a panic attack and later confessed to my partner. I don't know if I should have done it, or not, because I'm to this day confused about my emotions during that situation. Regardless. She was hurt, but she forgave me. It felt like I couldn't look her in the eye and feel like a sincere person to her. After this major moment, I felt like I never recovered. I started to avoid talking to this person at work, or really many women at work at all because of the fear that I'd fall for them. When an attractive women shows up I try and end the conversation quickly, this has only created a fear for taking to people, and it's extremely stressful. I got by though. And I would continue to love my partner. Until another major breakdown. This one created a new type of numbness to my partner, that felt completely different, and it's way more convincing. I mentioned in the past that my partner and I are very different, and that we even have different ways of talking about interests. My partner very much enjoys things for what they are, there's not much analysis, and that's fine. Me (and my friends) are very analytical. Last month I was showing her a game I like, and I started to question if she was even tracking what was going on, or even understood it, I was obsessing over the idea that she didn't even care about it (even tho I know she has always taken interest in what I like). This way of thought broke my brain and it made me feel completely incompatible with her. I question my behavior when I was showing her stuff in the past, I remember moments in which I questioned if she was actually paying attention even during moments when the OCD was low. I question if she has the ability to even watch something and understand what's going on. All terrible thoughts, and all thoughts that I never want to have. I'm scared to talk to my friends half the time because the thoughts of them being more "intelligent and analytical" pulsate through my brain. My friends and I are extremely cynical, about things like the film industry and sometimes if I'm going in on something it feels like I'm shitting on her by proxy just because she doesn't care about it as much as I do. I've isolated myself from friends and I think that did worsen my condition, because when it's just only me and my partner hanging out, I feel like it started attacking her more. This is the part where it just doesn't feel like ROCD anymore. I used to not give a single shit about these things, I was able to make blanket statements like "I think TikTok sucks and it's users are annoying" knowing full well my partner uses TikTok every day. There was a separation between me making broad statements and then not necessarily being indictive of my partner SPECIFICALLY. Now it doesn't feel like I have much anxiety anymore, because it just feels like I've accepted that my partner is who she is and I "don't know if I love her" when in the past, I've accepted my partner for who she is, and I loved her anyway. I feel like I'm just not as connected to her as I once was. I used to enjoy everything with her, now my brain overanalyzes everything she does and says. I can't just relax. I feel like I've lost any amount of structure and this turned into a ramble. But I guess that's where I'm at now. I've been attempting getting proper health insurance so I can talk to someone and not break the bank. I think about the times when none of these ridiculous nitpicks didn't matter to me, and I cry about the idea of leaving her. Thank you for reading.
- Date posted
- 21w
Specifically how can my fiance best support me without offering reassurance? I'm trying to encourage myself to grow and keep trying ERP, but I'm not sure how I can include my partner in a healthy way. I plan on talking to my therapist about it soon, but I wanted to hear thoughts from people who have been dealing with it themselves.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi everyone, I’m Cayla. I’m a mom that’s lived with OCD since childhood, but my breaking point came more recently after having my son. I was consumed by terrifying thoughts—What if I hurt him? What if I did something awful without realizing it? I was so afraid of my own mind that I couldn’t be alone with him. The shame and exhaustion were unbearable, and I convinced myself I was broken. In 2024, I finally sought help. ERP therapy at NOCD was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it saved my life. Even now, I have tough days, but I know I don’t have to be ruled by OCD. When my 12 year old daughter began showing signs of OCD, I felt overwhelmed with guilt. I never wanted her to go through what I had, but I knew what to do. I told her that I have OCD too and made sure she knew it wasn’t her fault—and that she wasn’t alone. One of the hardest parts of this journey was trusting someone else with my daughter’s OCD. I knew how vulnerable it feels to share intrusive thoughts, and I wanted her to feel safe. Her NOCD therapist was able to establish trust and genuine empathy from the start, and that relationship gave her the confidence to face ERP head-on. Seeing her build that trust made me certain she was in the right hands. ERP has helped both of us reclaim our lives, and it is beautiful to see my daughter managing her condition and making visible progress. Parenting with OCD while raising a child with OCD isn’t talked about enough, but I know so many parents are struggling with these same challenges. If you have questions about managing OCD while parenting, helping your child through ERP, or breaking cycles of guilt, drop them below—I’d love to share what I’ve learned. I’ll be answering all of the questions I receive in real-time today 4-5pm ET.
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