Acted on impulse, scared

I’m so so so anxious right now, I got triggered really badly. My partner made a joke saying he’s glad all his coworkers are old and married because he “won’t develop feelings for any of them.” This sent me into a major spiral and I almost threw up and starting sobbing from the anxiety. It triggered me badly and everything was fine before that. I’m so anxious that I cheated on my partner. I’ve had an ROCD obsession with another person for a few months now, and I’ve told my partner EVERYTHING. I told him how I have a crush on this person, how guilty I feel about messaging a group server that this person is a part of (despite being very careful to never ever message them privately or even reply to their messages in the group server and instead message other people), how I have fantasized and daydreamed about this person. My partner was fine with it, and he said fantasizing is normal and that he has had crushes too. He said he has had a work crush and fantasized about her and that it was all fine and that fantasizing is fun as long as it stays a fantasy. I kept telling him that I am terrified that I’m having some sort of one-sided emotional affair by fantasizing about this person, and my partner kept telling me, “Okay so what? Now what? Let’s say your worst fears are true, now what? I’m not leaving you and you’re not leaving me so why worry about it?” I also feel like fantasizing about this person turned into a compulsion because I would spend months agonizing over the ROCD guilt, ruminating, throwing up, thinking, and then I’d try to fantasize in order to soothe the anxiety and “prove to myself” that it was nothing. I have talked to my therapist about this extensively and he told me that I should not confess as it’s a compulsion. He said if it were something wrong, my body would just “know” and I’d intuitively confess instead of ruminating over and over on whether it’s worth confessing or not. My partner told me he doesn’t want any more confessions and that he doesn’t need to know what goes on in my head. I’ve told him a lot already, about the crush, my fears, the daydreaming, and he said it was all fine. I know for a fact that I have never ever ever crossed a line with this person, I have been extremely careful to rarely ever interact with him. I’ve been careful to ensure that we’re not even FRIENDS at all, just barely acquaintances. Literally every single interaction has been just small talk the handful of times that I’ve seen him show up to a group event. He is also moving away and I’m never gonna see him again. I have been extremely obsessive and careful about not ever EVER speaking to him unless spoken to, never giving him attention, obsessively monitoring the frequency with which i pay attention, etc. But I’m so terrified that I’ve already done something wrong by having these thoughts and feelings. I feel like the feelings lasted this long BECAUSE of the OCD and guilt and anxiety. Because I became anxious and started ruminating on the feelings and the morality for months and months. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I feel like I’ve irreparably ruined my relationship. Did i catch feelings? Is there a difference between feelings and a crush? Is this a form of cheating? We are going on a trip in literally 12 hours and I’m so incredibly stressed I can’t take this. Do i confess?

Ocd sucks. I’m at a stay away multiple days long event for school rn and ran into someone I used to talk with. We had a will they won’t they kind of thing for years and knew each other all growing up. I knew when we were really young that he had a crush on me for a while. And then when we got older there were times I had a crush on him but I don’t think he liked me anymore at that point. I never fully knew where he stood because he often was in a relationship or living somewhere else. Because we never dated or kissed or anything, only hung out on ambiguous date-like occasions, there has always been that what if sitting there for me and I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since before I met my current partner years ago. Well they happen to be at this place I’m staying at, where we are in the same places everyday, and I ran into them, said hi and caught up for a bit. It has totally triggered my ROCD in a way I’ve never experienced. I feel guilt and shame and keep having intrusive thoughts that are so extreme and catastrophic like what if I leave my partner of 8 years for him, what if I find him more attractive than my partner, what if I cross a line while I’m interacting with him this week, what if I’m a terrible girlfriend to my partner and a fraud??

Hi so I have many themes of ocd and recently I found this guy attractive at work (which is fine no issue in that) however of corse my ocd gives me so many thoughts of how I’m acting around him and I even move away when he comes close because I’m scared I might touch him or he might touch me and it means I’ve cheated on my bf etc. however on my break I had the erge to talk to him more because I found him attractive so I spoke to him more. Only about his car etc but I felt more drawn to talk to him. I’m now scared I’ve cheated and this has left me bed bound for a while. Some people have said it’s cheating but those are strangers without ocd. I’m just so scared. I’m a loyal person but this one situation really scared me I need opinions if this is ocd or not