I failed (negative self-talk tw)

God damnit I can't escape my OCD triggers. They're seeping into all my comfort zones. God damnit. i guess it's kind of exposure therapy in a way? but fuck I can't stand getting unexpected pits of fear and dread and doubt in my stomach. I can't even get away from these things or tell people what triggers me because it's all so general. It's impossible. Everything is a trigger. Everything! God damnit I hate this! I hate my stupid brain! I'm failing the NOCD community. I told ppl and myself that I'd do ERP but I haven't figured it out yet and I've been too scared to get it wrong and too overwhelmed to do the research on how to solo it that I've just avoided doing it at all. It's like I don't even care about getting better. I'm just ruining myself by my own laziness and carelessness.

JustAJesusLover

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6w

Hey there. You are being hard on yourself and I notice that you are struggling. Here is a list (since lists help me get less overwhelmed) on what you should do (in my opinion). 1. Stop using distractions (when you feel anxiety, don’t resort to posting, scrolling, messaging, playing online games, etc.) 2. If you have the financials, look into a therapist at NOCD. 3. Use RPMs. (RPMs are response prevention messages. Tell yourself: I know doing (insert compulsion) will not make my anxiety better. Maybe I’m (insert worry here), maybe I’m not. I know doing (compulsion) will not help me win the war against OCD. Let me know if you want to know more. 4. Eventually, work up to ERP. Exposures!!!!! The key to ERP is to find something that will give you some anxiety, but not too much. Another way of doing ERP is by going about your day to day life and when you feel anxiety to stop what you are doing and sit with it until the anxiety goes down. Use RPMs while sitting with the anxiety. Embrace the uncomfortablility, and resist the compulsions!! If you give me a few examples of some things you are struggling with, I can recommend some ERPs or RPMs. Otherwise, I hope this message helps!! Stay strong! ♥️♥️♥️

NotAgain

Date posted: 6w

What do I do when I'm sitting with the anxiety and it refuses to go away for longer than an hour?

NotAgain

Date posted: 6w

I forgot to mention my triggers. Sorry. Triggers include conflict or witnessing conflict, criticism (not necessarily of myself but often social or moral), debate, commentary, politics, the news, judgement, seeing children or animals (POCD/harm OCD), being reminded of the past and my bad actions (real event and moral scrupulousity), guilt, feeling like I'm not working hard enough on or toward something or for someone, finding a hair in my food or touching clumps of hair (contamination), finding/smelling mold some thing. That's all I can think of for very general triggers.

SAGUI

Date posted: 6w

Negative self talk isn’t good for your brain bro. Don’t take your anger and sadness out on yourself.

NotAgain

Date posted: 6w

I usually know this but occasionally I slip when I get frustrated. I'm sorry. I try to stop the habit

SAGUI

Date posted: 6w

@SAGUI You’re fine. It happens to all of us. It’s ok to get your sadness and anger out. Just don’t do it to yourself. You’re trying and that’s what matters.

NotAgain

Date posted: 6w

@SAGUI I guess so yeah. It's just hard seeing all these people trying to help me and give me tips only for me to still mess up but I just need to accept that it's going to take time and I can't "do it right" overnight

classicmotu

Date posted: 6w

Your OCD is telling you that you are failing and that you aren't worth it and are lazy and careless. You also can't do ERP "wrong", but you can't learn from mistakes unless you try. Have you considered that you your OCD is keeping you from practicing ERP? Here's why: you might be worried that it won't work for you and then what will you have left to try? Your OCD is trying to "protect" you from trying because where will you be if this doesn't work? The uncertainty is keeping you from trying. Maybe it will work for you right away, maybe it won't. Maybe it will take years of practice and you will have set backs, or maybe you won't. Via The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, I 've learned that we aren't that special and you aren't the only one going through this and you won't be the last. It won't work and you can't refine ERP if you don't try. Don't let the uncertainty scare you because you and I just aren't that special.

NotAgain

Date posted: 6w

I never thought I was special or that I was the only one going through this. I just struggle because "the subtle art of not.guving a fuck" is very difficult. I've been trying ERP on my own and it hasn't been doing well and if course I felt guilty about not trying hard enough or whatever bull crap my OCD tries to tell me. To be clear I'm not mad at you if I sound that way.

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