ROCD tips on self sabotage

Hi again! I’ve been dating my bf for almost a year. I find myself constantly thinking about if he’s the right person for me. I feel like I nitpick things in my head and highly examine things he does. I do this with every relationship I’ve had and I don’t know what to do anymore. It goes well and then I think about everything that’s wrong with it. Then I feel like I self sabotage in not wanting the relationship. I feel like I’m never going to be 100% about someone due to my intrusive thoughts and it scares me. I’m not able to be fully open with a partner unless I’m 100%. I’m constantly wondering if we’re meant to be or I should move on. With every relationship. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to settle down :( I also worry that if I marry someone, something will drastically change that ends in divorce. It scares me Please any tips will help! Or even shared similar stories to know I’m not alone

Stephenwdavis

Date posted: 5w

I have never dated ever cause I am like this as well. However, some whom I deeply respect told me a little while ago that marriage and dating is a sacrifice and about settling. Personally I feel I can never settle in my career or in my physique cause I have goals and can’t date till they are met and I meet the perfect person. But I realize and have to work on the fact I’m never going to be perfect and there is never going to be a perfect person. We all have flaws and struggles the thing I need to do is sacrifice myself and desires for someone else and be with someone willing to do the same. How can I date if I can’t settle with my own career and trajectory? I believe we must just be willing to make sacrifices. Additionally there will always be someone more attractive, smarter with all the 8billion ppl in this world. My partner must be willing to sacrifice for my many flaws and I must do the same. I must not wait for the perfect girl or wait to be the perfect person because the time will never come. U just have to meet them in the middle. And be with someone you can relate to emotionally, physically and spiritually. (Talking to myself mostly haha)

Prickly.Pear

Date posted: 5w

@Stephenwdavis That’s a great way of putting it! I also stress about it not working out in the end. Marrying someone and putting the sacrifice and effort into a relationship that doesn’t work. I want to get married once but I am scared to do it! You’re right though, relationships are sacrifice. No one is perfect, including myself. I need to continue to be aware of it. I also have to be willing to potentially be hurt and not have it work out the way I want. Thank you for your response!!

Sweet Potato

Date posted: 5w

I feel like it can be easy to question things but harder to communicate how you feel to the people you love. I’m married and can still have intrusive thoughts like that sometimes. I’ve learned the best thing you can do is remind yourself that if someone is willing to fight for you and your relationship despite all your flaws that is what makes it better than what’s out there. Communicate with your partner that you have ROCD and give them an idea of what you go through so they can show up for you while still reassuring them. I hope this helps any.

Prickly.Pear

Date posted: 5w

@Sweet Potato That’s true! I heavily struggle with communicating and is a constant battle to work on. I like how you put that! Thank you for your response!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond