Got triggered by someone who tried to help my rocd

TW: intimacy stuff So, I'm on some support discord servers and on one there's one person who's been very helpful and seems mature and good with helping. Today we talked about some of my issues and ended up talking about my intimacy and sexual issues because I was having relationship related scares. I told them how I'm super uncomfortable with porn because I don't like watching people and I've never been intimate and don't do too much exploration because that's just not something I enjoy. For me intimacy is all emotion based so just doing it to do it feels wrong, even when I stuff for myself at the end I just feel sad and disgusted. Basically he tried to help and give advice and told me to try watching different type of porn. I tried to explain I don't like looking at people but he insisted I should at least try. I said OK and left. This really triggered because it made me feel like I was indeed weird for not liking such things or not being wired like everyone else. Now all I can think does me not wanting to watch sex stuff and please myself or sleep with people make me weird? I'm now super upset and spiraling even tho they did genuinely tried to help me. I just feel pathetic and like a weirdo :< (Context I'm demisexual so I'm only interested in intimacy with someone I have an emotional connection, once I like someone I usually get so said more interested in intimacy but when I'm on my own I don't see much joy in it)

[Deleted]

Date posted: 3d

Comment deleted by user

ocdbingus

Date posted: 3d

I don't think I'm asexual because when I like someone or when I'm in a relationship I do crave intimacy and eventually want to do stuff I'm just slow and insecure. Otherwise I just don't find pleasure looking at porn because I have no connection to it and the physical act itself doesn't interest me. If that makes sense. :<

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d

@ocdbingus I deleted after posting because I didn’t realize you defined yourself as demi in the post and I apologize! I don’t think it’s abnormal at all to be uninterested in porn!! Honestly I’m jealous lol

ocdbingus

Date posted: 3d

@NatSwai Yeah it's all good. I don't know if it's something to be jealous of because anytime I talk about it with anyone they always make it a big deal. When I was with my ex he made it a big deal and now too. Everyone I know to some extent or at some point liked it and I never got it and it makes me feel aliened.

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d

@ocdbingus I’m very sorry to hear that and I can definitely see how that would feel. It’s too bad people can’t be empathetic and kind. If you can, find some acceptance and confidence in that preference and own it! Just because society is obsessed with porn doesn’t mean you need to be. If later in life it becomes a tool to open your mind and express your sexuality then that’s okay too 😊

ocdbingus

Date posted: 3d

@NatSwai Thank you!

King Koa

Date posted: 3d

Hi there, fellow demisexual here :) sounds to me like your friend might have interpreted your refusal to view porn as an OCD fear rather than something you just genuinely dislike. With OCD fears or doubts it's helpful to expose yourself to what is giving you anxiety so you can be comfortable with sitting with the feeling but this sounds like something you dont like and that doesn't align with your values. I dont think it would be helpful to view it. I dont think your friend intended on upsetting you but there may have been a misunderstanding on what the fear/doubt is. I dont want to reassure you on whether or not you are a "weirdo" for not liking it bc clearly this is something you're obsessing over. However I will say I dont think anyone should be considered a weirdo for who or what they like. People will always have opinions of you no matter how you frame yourself and it's up to us to be able to tolerate those opinions and move forward being authentically ourselves.

ocdbingus

Date posted: 3d

Yeah thank you. That would make sense that they'd think I meant it in an ocd way because I mention me obsessing over intimacy. It is honestly sometimes hard to tell but yeah ill try to stay calm thank you

King Koa

Date posted: 3d

@ocdbingus Let yourself sit with the anxiety, allow it to peak and fall on its own. Don't distract yourself or force yourself to be calm. Sit with it and maybe even ask yourself why is this bothering you? What is the root fear that is manifesting behind this obsession? Don't go down a spiral but it's okay to be curious on why this is important to you.

ocdbingus

Date posted: 3d

@King Koa Thank you!

ocdsweetie

Date posted: 3d

1. definitely avoid porn. i got sucked into a loophole of it a couple years back as compulsive response to so-ocd. it became a regular thing for me and i decided to quit it before i became addicted and i’ve felt so much better since. not saying that is you, but regardless i would avoid it all together for so many reasons. it’s an abusive and horrible industry, so don’t feel bad if you’re not into watching that sort of content! 2. romance/sex is so deeply engraved into our society that it is the “norm”. but just because you aren’t overly interested in a portion of that (sex) doesn’t make you abnormal. i know what it feels like to be pressured by others and what everyone else does and the most important thing to do is to live life by your own standards and interests! if you feel more comfortable being intimidate with someone whom you have a close bond with, that’s perfectly fine! i am the same way. 3. many people without ocd do not see through the same lense we do. what might be helpful advice to one person, may cause a person with ocd to spiral because our brains think differently. it’s why i’ve had to avoid going to sites like reddit and quora looking for answers because they don’t usually consider the perspective of a person with ocd in mind when they give advice or have discussions. which is nobody’s fault at all! i recommend maybe sticking to this site as majority of us have that sort of perspective and would possibly be able to understand your pov better (: that was a lot, i hope i understood this correctly. all the best to you!

ocdbingus

Date posted: 3d

Thank you! Yeah you did and this is nice to hear. The thing is I was on a server for ocd so they are aware but I think their advice just landed wrong for me and wasn't what I needed to hear at all rn. But yeah I had to delete reddit too because of this and now I'm happy I found this app.

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