I can’t stop ruminating after conflict

I can catch myself ruminating but it’s always too late. Before I know it I’m already emotionally invested in the thought and fired up. Example if I have an argument with a coworker or small dispute I can potentially go on to ruminate over it for days. I’ll be able to catch myself doing so but I’ll always go back to ruminating. While all this is going on my mind is constantly coming up with new and old scenarios. Future scenarios of conflicts that may never ever happen, or at least not in the way I can predict. Or it’ll keep replaying the past trying to think of what I could have said. Please someone tell you overcame this? There has to be someone out there who’s broke this cycle and went on to live a normal life? There has to be someone right….

marcellololo

Date posted: 2d

Yeah, you gotta let the anxiety that comes with the ruminating just go it's course. When you catch the ruminating loop, acknowledge that you're ruminating and move on. You will be hit with more anxiety. Ignore. That's just your brain trying to protect you because you wired it to believe that making sure on things will make things better, so then it starts doing that with EVERYTHING. Meditate. Meditation helps with staying focus and present. You seem to stay in the past and future. Be present for once. Look around and tell yourself the sights and smells of where you're and also the time of day. The brain needs and wants to be told what to do and if you don't then it will just do things randomly or continue to do what you let it get away with ( ruminating, what ifs) When you do a lot of " what if" thinking that's a sure sign that your brain is trying to not be "bored". So, start telling yourself, okay today is gonna be a good day and we're going to be present today. Also, if you find yourself going to the past, make sure it's a positive memory or logical memory that you can benefit in the present. Remember to not worry about things you cannot control and stop trying to control everything.

Cherno

Date posted: 2d

@marcellololo Thank you so much I really appreciate you. You’re the only one who replied to this post. I have no issues catching the rumination, it’s what happens after that always messes with me.

marcellololo

Date posted: 2d

@Cherno We're all human, so don't beat yourself up. Treat yourself with respect and kindness. It sounds really corny but it's true and I hate that it's true lmao! Yeah, sounds like you can catch the ruminating. One time I was ruminating and then went into future what if scenarios. My brother noticed I was in my head as I wasn't very present. We were in the library studying and he took a book and dropped it on the table and it made the loudest sound possible lmao. It scared the hell out of me and everyone around. ( Big university library) And yelled " Shut the fuck up!" At me with a smile and it brought me back to reality. That day I learned that it's ALL me and I have a choice to dwell or be present. Just took some practice.

Cherno

Date posted: 2d

@marcellololo But how does one even be present? I noticed when I’m conversation with friendly coworkers or I’m chilling with my little brother I’m not focused or watching for thoughts. I’m just engaged in the convo.

marcellololo

Date posted: 2d

@Cherno If you're engaged in the conversation than you're present . Because that is happening and you're engaged. Being present is being in the present and not having most of your focus in the past or future. That's why I said to name things around you. It's 3pm, sunny, a Tuesday, the 2nd. I'm currently typing. Yada yAda yada. Just be.

Cherno

Date posted: 2d

@marcellololo Usually right after I’d do something like that my mind goes back to checking to see if the thoughts are there or another rumination pattern begins .

marcellololo

Date posted: Yesterday

@Cherno Yes, I know 100%. You see your brain is trying to protect you believe it or not, but in reality it's not. Because you keep engaging it when it starts to ruminate and thus it reinforces it because you're engaging the extra chatter. This is why I recommend meditating. You have to just stop ruminating by self-discipline and train your brain so to speak. It's actually easy, just takes patience and practice. When you notice the ruminating pattern you just have to tell yourself you're ruminating again and to stop. Take a few nice relaxing deep breaths too. This tells the brain everything is okay, especially your amygdala (spelling maybe be wrong) . It's a primitive part of the brain that involves fight or flight. Research it. Anyways my friend, at the end of the day, just be nice to yourself and remember to laugh and no one is perfect. Thinking about things is okay but when it falls into the ruminating loop, that's when you step in and stop it in it's tracks. Be ready for anxiety but soldier through it. Then the brain will keep being up other things. Which is why you keep falling for ruminating. The brain is like going down a checklist to make sure everything is good. Again just keep practicing and eventually you'll train your brain. It's easy, just discipline and practice. If I can do it then you can definitely do it.

Cherno

Date posted: Yesterday

@marcellololo Thank you so much Marcello may God bless you

marcellololo

Date posted: Yesterday

@Cherno No problem at all my friend.

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