Please just save me

Maybe it was the adult that pleasured your mind, maybe it was the thoughts. Who knows?

It can be draining. What if you aren’t one at all?

I think you can’t control your ”liking” in those sensitive moments and maybe your thoughts are so vivid.

I’d take caution when opening up to people about this. Those that don’t understand OCD and how serious it is may have a difficult time being empathetic. If you do decide to share your experience with anyone, I’d first teach them about OCD and how it can skew one’s view towards themself. With that said, you’re not alone. Remember, the fact that you’re stressing about this and were willing to be vulnerable about it is in itself indicative that you really do care. It’s important to always remember that we aren’t what our OCD tells us we are.

That being said, we’re all here to support each other, so you taking the time to share this was courageous. I’m not trying to invalidate how hard this must feel for you. Trust me, I’ve gone through similar experiences too. Believing that I WANT to hurt others or that I’m an awful, bad person for having these thoughts. Even believing that I like the very thoughts that I fear. I’m still struggling to manage this. Remember, the reason why this feels real is because our brain is feeling threatened in the moment. Our brain tries to put meaning on the thoughts in an effort to protect us from what it is we fear. While it has good intentions, our brains are just extra sensitive to what we perceive as a threat. Unfortunately, this makes things harder for us to process.

I don’t know if this might help you but it is a well studied phenomenon that the brain’s fear and threat circuits overlap with the arousal circuits. so if you feel that those bad thoughts feel good, you can’t control that. even if you logically know they are bad.