Infuriating ROCD

In a span of less than a flipping week, I've gone from crying because I didn't want to leave my boyfriend to go on my 2-week trip abroad to see family to feeling nothing for him at all and feeling the need to break up. I cannot feel anything. I feel numb on the inside, but function okay on the surface. I feel numb to nearly everything with a few moments of emotional clarity during which I do appreciate him and enjoy my time. But most of the time it feels like I don't feel anything for him, feels like I don't want to talk to him, feels like we've grown apart (we were literally sleeping in the same bed for the first time ever last week??). I've been crying to him on our nightly calls for a while now, but since this trip started it's been mostly me complaining about this issue and crying my eyes out. He just wants to help me out in some way, but I've even been getting frustrated with him because he sounds so nonchalant about it (he isn't, I'm just really annoyed by anything small lately). I'm trying to summon things that should make me anxious, such as thinking about what it would be like if I broke up with him, but it won't elicit any response other than crying out of frustration. I can't even think of past happy memories or imagine our future, because my brain is so fried from all the anxiety and stress I've felt the past couple months. I'm just so emotionally numb and exhausted, it doesn't feel like I'm living my life. When I'm not feeling like we need to break up, I feel like I need to be in his arms. It's just going from one extreme to the other. I hate this so much. I know there are techniques to help with this (hell I even recommended some to someone else on here suffering from this). But I'm just afraid I don't know the truth about my feelings, despite me literally not feeling ANYTHING remotely deep. It also doesn't help that I've been PMSing and starting my menstrual phase like tomorrow. It's always so much worse around this time.