Tried to ERP but couldn't take it.

TW: POCD mentions I joined a discord server for a game I've been playing, and a few people who were 16-17 were in the chat. Everything was going ok enough, I was panicking, but managing to push through and talk well enough. But then they started making like, sexual jokes, like, nobody was actually being legitimately NSFW but, ya know. Just jokes about fan service in anime and stuff. I tried to just endure it and not immediately run away, tried to play along and be funny, but I couldn't take it, I just left the server and also left every single other discord server I was in.

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey, are you in therapy? I hope you've been able to get ERP help from an OCD specialized therapist. I read your post about what had happened with your best friend. I don't know the whole story but you mentioned one thing that I relate to a lot which is accidentally making contact with someone in a not okay place. I think it was an accident but my intrusive thoughts say otherwise and it's left me depressed and mentally impaired for a really long time. It would really help to do ERP with someone that can guide you if you haven't. I also strongly relate to the porn addiction stuff and growing up with all of that trauma.

LiteralPileO...

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm not in therapy, no, I'm absolutely terrified to even try. I live in a situation that, while I would love to change it, would probably get me reported if I ended up yapping too much. My problem is just... So many false memories, real events, intrusive thoughts, I struggle to really understand what's real and what's not anymore. Let's use my friend as an example, she adores me, her family likes me (from the few times I've interacted with them, especially her mom.), and for the most part, everything seems fine. But then I remember creepy comments that I've made, among other things, which weren't meant with bad intentions, I just suck ass at flirting and don't really know how to do it right. I've gotten better over time. But then my brain starts whirring. We're my intentions bad? Did I mean to be as creepy as I was? Does she secretly have problems with it, but just won't say anything? This applies to pretty much every point of my life. Wish that was an exaggeration. From like, 11 to 20, I've been questioning every little interaction I've ever had. It's tiring. Especially since I'm not exactly a "great" person. I'm just trying to figure out how actually bad I am.

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