Nervous to start ERP

So, I was stuck in a pretty intense spiral from the beginning of November until almost the end of December, and I’m finally starting to feel a little bit better. I’m starting ERP this week, and I’m just really nervous and anxious about it because of it possibly reigniting the spiral. Part of me doesn’t want to do it since the spiral is slowing down and seems manageable, but the other part of me knows if I put it off then the spiral could come back even worse. I’m just scared and exhausted. Even just making my trigger and response list made me pretty anxious. I almost feel like I’m more scared of getting re-triggered than I am about the thoughts themselves.

Yup.just.me

Date posted: 3d

I relate to the fear of getting re-triggered being scarier than the actual triggers so much! It’s like this fear of getting a panic attack that paralyzes me at times. But i will say, ERP has helped me with that a lot, especially in showing me that yea maybe i will get trigger again by something random. I cant control everything, and that is a real possibility, but bc of exposure therapy i can focus of the fact that i got through it before and im still standing. Makes it less scary. So you got this, it’s so worth it, and i believe in you 🫶🏼

hlex99

Date posted: 3d

@Yup.just.me I honestly think that fear is what kept my spiral alive so long this time. I was feeling better at the end of November, but the fear of fear took over and put me back at square one. I really hope ERP helps with that as well. I’m glad that it’s helping you and has helped so many others. I think it’s just something that I have to start to be able to get my nerves about the process to calm down. Thank you very much♥️

oatmilklatte

Date posted: 3d

I started ERP with my therapist last week. I totally understand. It’s such a hard type of therapy because it doesn’t “feel” good. It actually feels horrible and it feels so backwards, even though it’s not. Let’s say you have a fear of public speaking. The only way to get over that fear is by actually speaking publicly. Sure, you’re going to feel terrified, feel physical symptoms, and it’ll probably suck the first few times you do it. But after a while, your brain learns that it is not danger and you can handle it. I just keep trying to tell myself that something doesn’t have to feel good to be good for me. You’ve got this! Just go slow and steady.

oatmilklatte

Date posted: 3d

@oatmilklatte Also, with that analogy I forgot to add: if you don’t have to public speak anytime soon, your fear isn’t going to be as consuming. It’s the same with OCD. Like you said, it comes and goes, and just because your recent spiral ended doesn’t mean it won’t come back (unfortunately.)

hlex99

Date posted: 3d

@oatmilklatte Right, I just worry because it’s mainly a fear of death and existentialism, so I can’t exactly “do” the fear to prove I’ll be okay, I think it’s more so having to accept the thoughts and accept the lack of being able to control what happens. I’m just scared of my brain trying to defy me and make me spiral more rather than come to acceptance with the thoughts😅but I know it’s necessary to try for the sake of the long run!

oatmilklatte

Date posted: 2d

@hlex99 I completely understand! I am struggling with harm & health ocd right now and I think a lot of it boils down to a fear of death. I have no idea what type of exposures we will do for that. I too am scared of what my brain can do when triggered. 🫩

hlex99

Date posted: 2d

@oatmilklatte Exactly😭 like pls don’t have me sky dive or something😅

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