Help attraction please answer

@Cupake21211 Ok thanks and yes I have a type but my ocd tries to convince me that my attraction is just made up lol

@Cupake21211 Yes that’s so true it feels like I’m not attracted to men at all anymore

@Cupake21211 Same I always had a massive crush on Harry Potter and even made up scenarios with him

@Cupake21211 Same I got it when I was 14

@Vtina I swear and I had gay lesbian friends in my teens and no hate to them it’s just maybe unknowingly maybe it started a fear as they would talk about it or I didn’t really know to much before that and just in middle school as well during that time Covid was going around and when I was a kid I didn’t know gay until 4 th grade then I learned about lesbian but that never triggered any hocd at that age it never triggered any ocd as I never really had ocd major before Covid I realized I did have small OCDs like once in awhile moving my head of eyes but it was completely only for a bit then it would go aaay I remember someone I knew before said why are you moving your eyes or something like that but I was a super happy kid yes I was builled where early on but that never really affected me to much so going from a happy kid to depression to anxiety to ocd was not easy and I have a bit of people pleasing as when I was a kid and still people say I’m like a good kid and I love that but after all of this I was trying to maintain that that I was struggling

@Vtina That’s around when I got it to now I’m 18

@Cupake21211 Same I never really thought about it in that way- I knew what it was but never really thought about It. And I had ocd themes before I had contamination ocd but that’s not similar to hocd at all lol. And I used to be super happy too but now ocd and especially hocd drained all my love and life from me and my parents see me as the angry daughter when in reality I’m just really really struggling

@Cupake21211 So I did a recital really important I was finally relaxed before that I felt straight and when I started relaxing I felt lesbian again so it would come and go but in middle school and 9 to grade the hocd was very strong

@Vtina Yeah and what’s sad is I was going through a rebellious teenage phase you could say before and before that I was a nice daughter and now I was not even being the best person then I naturally with the age stopped being rebellious and I even felt my ocd got actually much better even if I still had ocds however I had a big argument with my parents about something and I then just screamed hard and then I went outside I was frustrated and then it got triggered like I do podcasts so I thought after screaming for a bit my voice got damaged even if it didn’t and I struggled with my voice I stopped talking that much for a bit now my ocd is not that strong about my voice now it’s about my lips not being straight like I’m not insecure about my lips but I’m scared my lower lip is not symmetrical or not as perfect like I have a lip deformity when I actually don’t and for a bit I secretly was angry at my parents are amazing parents but it was like i was angry and could not get over it and then I suppressed it now I talked openly with my mom I love telling my mom everything now I don’t tell everything but I still tell her most things anc yeah now I’m not angry anymore but during that time it was hard because I never held on to an argument or any grudge in my life with my parents especially that long and expect that everything in my life went well during that time I do dance so I did a dance recital and all of that and it went very well so I was really happy during that time o got famous in my city with my group people I know there and I performed very well

@Cupake21211 I have/ had a massive crush on a guy and am 100 percent sure that I’m attracted to him but kind of got bored of it ig and now hocd is telling me that it’s bc I’m gay and in general that I’ll never have a crush on a guy again and will never be attracted to a guy again and it scares me

@Vtina I agree it tries to make you annoyed of the person as well I wish that on this app we are aloud to text each other on here so we can connect more

@Cupake21211 Yes and same

@Cupake21211 This is so true and also I’m the youngest so everyone (especially my siblings and friends) assume that I have it so easy and throughout the day I’m happy with my friends trying not to get the intrusive thoughts to me but when I get home I cry and everyone always assumes my life is so easy and it kills me

@Vtina I’m the oldest but like I only have a few years gap with my sibling so we are like practically friends

@Cupake21211 For me it’s unfortunately an every day thing😭 like I’m just ruminating constantly

@Vtina Yeah mine is like I would be feeling straight then something would trigger like if I accidentally saw a girls breast of normally came I would get reminded recently as well I’m just more aware of my hocd so I guess it’s more prominent then before but at least I’m not pushing it away and am aware and real about it my brain was like trying to make me accept I was lesbian and I’m glad I didn’t because I know that’s not my actual desire

@Cupake21211 It got triggered from a girl then it went away and came back 10 times worse than before and now I’ve been ruminating for moths

@Vtina One time someone called me gay as a joke in middle school and I got so offended

@Cupake21211 I’ve weirdly also started comparing my body and especially what I was wearing with hocd but idk why

@Vtina Oh I get what you mean yeah like before o had maybe a small not an ocd tho but to not stress about it I started a coping mechanism like I said before where I would compare with my mom like my mom has baby face like I do I do as well so now she is older and she was jokingly saying that your getting prettier like she was just like hyping me up but now I’m an adult to feel better but I am pretty I know it it’s just if someone says something I have to keep like telling myself all the time like they were normally saying not that I’m ugly just some weight loss that’s the annoying part but like I am a dancer as well and I got famous from that and I did good so that made me very happy and what’s weird is I don’t really need to be insecure people would be shocked I was but I feel everyone has insecurities however it doesn’t matter if your practically perfect everyone does

@Cupake21211 Mainly mine didn’t originate from hocd but because of everyone saying I lost weight

@Cupake21211 Same like I was so happy and I’m grieving my old self kind of

@Cupake21211 Same I got it from my mom too HAHAHHA

@Cupake21211 Same I’ve always been a frightful child

@Cupake21211 Same

@Cupake21211 Same I’m just scared all the time and it’s exhausting lol

@Cupake21211 Yessss. Same its also so confusing bc I’ve never had a bf before (I’m in 10th grade)

@Cupake21211 That’s so true it’s like I’ve lost my identity and its marking me soso sad

@Cupake21211 Hi sorry I’ve not replied to the other messages I’m doing okay I guess it just feels real but I know it’s not true and I’m really sad about losing my attraction towards men. How are you?