Just need to vent a bit

Sometimes I start to feel okay, like the fear isn’t really that important and I know it’s not helping me any to panic and spiral, but other times it just randomly hits me so hard again and makes me panic horribly. Every time I start to feel better and see the light at the end, I get pulled right back into the darkness. I finally started getting over being so scared of dying in my sleep and all the sudden a couple days ago it just came right back. I was talking about it to my sister in law and she started talking about it from a religious perspective, which kinda made me more anxious. I’m just so tired of my brain going back and forth between acceptance and re-igniting the spiral out of the blue. I just want to be able to enjoy things without overthinking my existence and mortality with every decision I make. I want to be able to sleep without panicking about if I don’t wake up, because in reality I know there’s nothing I can do about it anyways, but my brain won’t let go and accept that I can’t control it. I’m so tired. I just want to be able to accept God’s grace and not worry about things I can’t control.

Thornhill

Date posted: 3d

I want to reread this tomorrow when I'm more awake and respond. Give yourself grace please, it's a tough road! Success is not linear.

Thornhill

Date posted: 3d

OCD ebs and flows. It is something we manage. Do you do erp or have you had any therapy for it? I remember the feeling of having good days then drowning in the darkness. The darkness gets less drowny and panicky with the right tools. I had to work a lot with remembering the discomfort wasn't dangerous and that when you start coming away from the fear, sometimes it fights pretty hard at the beginning, like you are starving OCD. It's a bully! Don't give it your life! It's a bit like quitting an addiction. Your mind and body can have a pretty big reaction to you suddenly not giving in to compulsions and rumination. I have a rumination article to link here for you to see if it helps you. It's hard but worth the work! The more you put in to your recovery, the more you get your life back. Sometimes stressful events get me back into my panic of what I call my baseline worry. What I gravitate towards panicking about. When that flares up, I know I'm usually tired or stressed which causes what I call a flare up! I wonder if this is what you are experiencing? We never fully get over OCD but it's manageable and we won't win all of the days. Spotting the bully is the important part. 'oh I see you OCD, messing with death fears sgain' 'i must really love living in f you make me worried about death and I must have a great life ner ner.' silly OCD. People mean well when they try and help but sometimes they don't get it and their attempt to support us makes things messier. Take all what those around you say with a pinch of salt when it comes to help. People don't often get it! They try though! It's exhausting. You are correct.

hlex99

Date posted: 3d

@Thornhill I started therapy, but then I found out NOCD wasn’t telling the truth about accepting my insurance, so I had to cancel my sessions before we got to start the ERP :/ I do feel like it’s worse when I’m super tired, and weirdly gets worse when I’m on my period too. I just worked my last night shift, so I’m hoping I can now work on a consistent sleep schedule in hopes that it helps. I have mostly stopped trying to talk about it to people outside of this community, because they don’t fully understand and give advice that can be more triggering. I was just kinda in my feelings last night, and it came out to my sister in law. I’m struggling to find the fine line of ignoring the thoughts in a healthy way and just straight up avoiding them therefore reinforcing the fear. So, I think talking about it to her was my attempt at an exposure to make sure I’m not just avoiding it, but I’m not sure I made the right decision with that attempt.

Thornhill

Date posted: 3d

@hlex99 Maybe you did maybe you didnt. Sitting with uncertainty is part of it! Yes sleep!!!! I will post something today that you might like that i made for myself. I often find that if I am dehydrated, on my period, sleep deprived, any of those, I have a rise in things.

Thornhill

Date posted: 3d

I CRIED SOOOO MUCH when I first learned this technique because I found it so hard like my body wanted to do the opposite of what it required. BUT now I envision myself as a drone looking at my thoughts

Thornhill

Date posted: 3d

https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-paying-attention/

Thornhill

Date posted: 3d

Thornhill

Date posted: 3d

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