Struggling with so many things again.

So I have ROCD really bad and sometimes I’ll remember random memories from my past of random things and extremely weird things that I did and I know that I did but then my brain will tell me that I did them during my relationship with my fiancé and I’m terrified about if I did or not, and I can’t remember because it was almost 2 years ago when we first started dating, but I’m terrified about if I did it or not or if like I was close to it, my OCD tends to get really really bad around my cycle and I’m on day two of my cycle and so my OCD and anxiety have really been ramped up the past couple of weeks and it’s like every day It’s a new worry or a new fear and I have to try to see if it happened or you know if I accidentally did something and I didn’t realize it was wrong or disrespectful to my relationship. I’m just honestly terrified and worrying about so many different worries or intrusive thoughts about if I did something or not and It’s like I can never have a moment of peace and I only feel better when my fiancé is around me, but my head will try to convince me that I am an awful person and that I did the worst case scenario about anything that I think of or remember in the moment. I have the compulsion to basically go tell my fiancé everything and get reassurance and at the time when I get reassurance, I didn’t know it was bad because you do feel better in the moment but it’s like I have gotten reassurance from my fiancé so many times and the same exact worries come back every single time and it’s just they get worse and worse and worse. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get better from this or not, and I don’t wanna be in my 40s still worrying about these things. It’s just I don’t really have a great memory sometimes and I’m worried about if I did the worst case scenario and I blocked it out or I just don’t remember because it’s so long ago and I’m genuinely terrified about if I could’ve done something that would be considered cheating or being disrespectful of my relationship. Does anyone else deal with this :(

ocdbelowzero

Date posted: 2d

I understand you, very much. This is coming from a Christian man who values his relationship above everything. I still struggle with this quite a lot, and I understand you, truly. I don’t want to reassure, but know that the more you care about something, the more ocd will attack it. Meaning, you care about your relationship so much, ocd will manipulate you in any way it can. I know how the guilt and the thoughts are brutal. I know.

.Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

I can’t explain how much I relate to everything you have just said. I’ve suffered with Rocd in this way most of my relationship - I’ve been with my girlfriend for coming up to 11 years. I still have intrusive thoughts now and honestly some days it’s harder than others. I also confess a lot to my partner and rely a lot on her for reassurance. I can also relate to around my cycle my intrusive thoughts get way worse and harder to deal with. I’m currently in therapy doing ERP. Are you in therapy?

🖤🎸💀

Date posted: 2d

@.Anonymous Hello I’m so sorry you struggle with this as well! I’m currently not in therapy, but I’ve been trying to do some ERP exercises, but it’s really really difficult to do because I know when you do ERP you kind of have to tell yourself “Maybe, maybe not” but sometimes even saying that it really bothers me to even say that to myself because I don’t even want to imagine the possibility of it being true. My brain is just being overcrowded with so many worries about so many different things like worrying. If I did this in my relationship worrying if I did that in my relationship and so on.

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