Therapy question

can someone pls help me understand this? ive been in therapy for a couple of months, I have really bad OCD. since 2024 I worry about having cheated on my gf with a friend of mine ( who I don't talk to anymore because of this situation). at first I was like nah it never happened, then I grew more confused and then more certain. now most of the time I feel like I really cheated and that there's no other explanation. the only thing that confuses me is that I met this friend in 2022 and until 2024 I don't really remember thinking I had cheated, but I also feel like it can be explained by me not really realising the seriousness of the situation or something like that. this whole thing is kind of complicated so I won't delve too much into the details. my gf knows about everything and she doesn't believe I cheated, she thinks I have really bad OCD and that's that. she decided to stay with me and asked me to not bring it up again ( we talked about it MANY times) and to talk about it in therapy. and like, I am, but I'm really confused cus my therapist calls this whole situation "the cheating doubt" or "possible cheating" even when I said many times that I'm certain something happened. I don't really know what to do. does this mean my therapist thinks it's all a big what if, and that either things could have happened ( cheating or not cheating) and that my certainty is caused by OCD or what??? I don't get it I feel really alone

U+2623

Date posted: 18h

false memory OCD can make you feel 100% certain, this anecdote describes the worst case i've ever heard of in my entire life. if you have no genuine memory, which you wouldn't just forget this. you didn't cheat, you have horrible false memory ocd man, im sorry.

aaanonymous

Date posted: 16h

i didn't explain it in detail but I do have some actual events I fixate on, I really don't deserve any kind pity tbh. when I started talking to this friend I was genuinely confused about how i felt for him, I thought it was OCD, I would flip flop between different interpretations ( sometimes I didn't understand how I felt for him sometimes I thought he was just my friend) and my gf also knew, I talked about it with her and she told me that we could break up if I wanted to and i said I didn't want to, I was really upset. I was very close with my friend and we were really affectionate ( my gf knew and she was okay with it, sometimes we even held hands in front of her) we also made tons of explicit jokes about eachother and my gf knew that as well, sometimes we made those jokes in front of her and she found it silly. I really appreciated and liked him, he was my only friend so I cherished him a lot. a few times I did think it would have been nice for him to be attracted to me, it felt validating and like idk made me feel nice about myself, I did want him to see me as attractive and cool and tried to appear that way ig. and like idk. idk if it was just a normal vanity thing or something else. until 2024 I didn't think anything of this, like again I'm not sure I ever thought I had cheated before 2024, but then I started feeling worried. it was never worrying about having cheated in a psychal way but I was really worried about my intentions when we would make those explicit jokes. at first I couldn't remember anything weird, I re-read all our old messages and I couldn't remember any weird intentions and I thought it was ocd. then I started doubting myself. then I basically started remembering bad intentions ig. my gf knows all of this I confessed compulsively to everything. my friend thinks nothing ever happened between us and it's all ocd. I went to my first therapist in the "I can't remember any bad intentions but I'm really worried I cheated" phase, then I left because she was really bad, but she would tell me I didn't cheat. now I'm with my new therapist who calls it "the cheating doubt", idk. idk I'm really sorry for rambling for so long I'm sorry

SophiaRose805

Date posted: 18h

I think your therapist keeps referring to it as "possible cheating" because they don't want to give you reasurrance either was that it did or didn't happen. OCD hates uncertainty, so you're brain is always looking for a sign that this cheating 100% happened or didn't happen, but the point of OCD therapy is to help you feel comfortable in that uncertainty. If your girlfriend still loves you and believes you have OCD, and you love her and don't want to cheat on her, then you can feel safe in knowing that you will never cheat on her in the future, even if you're unsure of the past

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