false or real memories of cheating?

ive been struggling with really bad OCD for years by now. ill be as brief as I can. at the end of 2022 I had a friend who I was really close with, I didn't know exactly how I felt for him ( I talked it out with my gf, she told me we could break up if I wanted to and I told her no), at the time i chalked it up as OCD symptoms making me feel confused about my feelings for him, which was even more confusing since I'm a lesbian lol so I started questioning my sexuality as well. we would make tons of sexual jokes and we were really affectionate and we cherished eachother a lot. after a while it passed and I knew I saw him as just a friend, nothing more. now, in the summer of 2024 I abruptly started wondering if I had cheated on my gf with him, I couldn't remember ANYTHING at all and to make matters worse it wasn't about physically cheating but what my intention was when we would make those sexual jokes. I reread all our old texts and I concluded I never cheated, even tho I still wasn't a 100% sure of my intentions I couldn't remember anything. I told myself I shouldn't have made those jokes because even tho I didnt cheat I didnt find it appropriate that i acted like that considering how confused I was, I told my gf everything and she said it was okay and it wasn't a big deal at all. still, I kept feeling extremely anxious, even if I couldn't find any proof of wrongdoing. with time I still couldn't find any solid proof of cheating, but I started having a weird hunch/intuition that something DID happen, I just forgot about it. at the end of 2025 I started spiraling completely, I felt more and more convinced I had cheated and I had suddenly remembered I had bad intentions in two specific conversations, even if I didn't remember it all before. then I started calming down a bit, and then I got worse again. after a while those two specific conversations ( which I talked about with my gf) didn't make me feel as anxious anymore, and I found another conversation with a much more solid memory of a bad intention surrounding it. so now this is basically where im at. I do feel really convinced I cheated most of the time, but I do find the timeline really confusing. like, I don't think ( even tho I'm not a 100% sure ) I remember feeling guilty or ever thinking I had cheated before 2024, so, if this memory really is true, it would mean that I would have cheated in 2022 and COMPLETELY forget about it/ suppressed it in the span of a couple of months ( since I don't remember feeling guilty of having cheated in 2023) to SUCH A DEGREE where I couldn't even remember it in 2024 when I actively looked for a bad intention, only to remember it at the end of 2025/beginning of 2026. or, it would mean that I just didn't understand I was cheating, I didn't realise I was making a terrible mistake, but like it would mean that I'm a really dumb person and sure ok I don't think I'm that smart but then again why didnt I remember it in 2024 when I first saw that conversation?? I just find it confusing and kind of weird but the memory seems so deeply real to me and I feel like I straight up remember it happening idk. but like I can't really remember feeling guilty at the time, but I do remember a weird sensation, but like it wasn't there at first I had to think about it a bit, and like it's been so long so it's completely plausible that I just don't remember anymore. i find it genuinely possible that I forgot about all of it just to remember it like four years later. I don't know, this is so confusing to me but it also seems like the answer is in front of me and what makes the most logical sense ( considering I have a memory) is that it happened, point blank. my gf thinks it's all OCD and that I didn't cheat, i haven't talked to her about this last situation, she specifically asked me not to and to deal with it with my therapist. I stopped talking to this friend but once I did explain the situation to him and he said it's clearly my OCD. idk