Potential breakup

Just looking for a bit of support 🥲 I’ve had ROCD/SOOCD since the start of my relationship 3 years ago, and we’ve gone through many cycles of arguing, me freaking out and breaking up, and then making back up right away. Despite some success in recent months, we had a big argument yesterday and it led me to feel like we needed to break up for good. I said that I don’t think I can handle the uncertainty of not knowing if I’m truly lesbian, not knowing if this is the right relationship for me, or if I should just be single for a while because this is my first relationship and I’m still so young (24). I also feel so guilty for sticking with the relationship this long while he’s been so certain about me and I’ve been so deeply uncertain about him, even though he’s extremely patient with me and assures me that whatever happens, he understands and won’t hold it against me. But I don’t want it to be three more years down the line and I end it when I could’ve ended it years ago. I’m having such a hard time because I don’t know if I’m making the wrong decision. I truly don’t want to take such an amazing person for granted, don’t know if I love him in that way, or don’t know if I do and the OCD is just this bad. I do feel that there are true needs not being met outside of the OCD, but I still find myself wanting to be with him or trying to convince myself that my OCD or attachment issues are sabotaging my relationship. So much confusion and hurt 😭 we’re taking a break for a few days but I also have to decide if I’m keeping my flight to see him for his graduation on Wednesday, or if I cancel it to not make things worse. I HATE THIS 😭😭😭

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I totally hear and feel you on the indecision. When I'm feeling this i try to go into my heart or gut to see if there's a decision there?? Possibly? Maybe? Very hard sometimes esp with big things like relationships for me. I'm dealing with indecision right now in mine as well with new info i just received. Sending support and a 🫂

sarah_Denn

Date posted: Yesterday

I completely understand and relate to this. My boyfriend is also very patient and certain about me, but I’ve been afraid because I’m so young too, and I don’t know if I should have dated more before being with him. However, and hopefully you relate to this, I know no matter how many relationships I’ll have, I’ll always think “maybe I want something different”, “maybe I haven’t explored my options enough”, “maybe I’ll regret this”, “maybe I’m settling”, “maybe all these thoughts just mean the relationship isn’t right”, etc… I’ve had OCD spirals thinking “maybe these fears will go down if I leave”, but i remind myself that that’s not logical because ocd is a mental habit. A bad habit won’t stop if you only change the situation. You have to change the metal habit. My ROCD has gotten a lot better, and I try to recognize that no matter what decision I make, there’s always uncertainty. So with ocd, If you stay, you’ll feel regret. If you leave, you’ll feel regret. The ocd won’t go away if you leave. That’s why It’s important to improve the ocd regardless of what decision you make. As for the lesbian fears, I also understand. I accepted that I’m attracted to women, but I know I’m attracted to my bf too (unless my ocd is fixating on his features), so fearing that I missed out on dating women is the same as fearing that I missed out on other men. No matter what, you’ll never be certain. I’m not going to give you advice on your relationship, but I don’t think you should cancel your flight over ocd fears if going to his graduation is important to him. If you don’t mind me asking, what are the needs not being met outside of the ocd?

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