constant shame

is there any way to get over a lingering sense of shame? like i think ive been doing okay and haven’t really spiralled all this year but the shame and guilt is still all there and i feel like ive just stuffed it up in a box and dumped it in a closet somewhere. i know it would be a trap to re open this box and ruminate but ignoring it also makes me feel like im some heartless creep who feels no remorse because i do. ive felt so awful about it i was bedridden vomiting and shaking and crying for days on end. sometimes i wish i could permanently shut down some of my neurons and not do the overthinking i do but if i do that i feel like ill be terrible and horrid and not even aware of it and thats not something i want for myself.

Penguin23

Date posted: Yesterday

I totally get it. The amount of shame I feel every day is unreal. I also don’t know how to cope with this.

JustAJesusLover

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

yes. i completely get it. I was at a terrible time in my life when i was wrought with shame and sadness and the feeling that i didn’t deserve to look my family members in the eye. I don’t know if you are religious, but how i was freed was through my faith. I understand the struggle and the ruminating and the wondering if i could have done something different. But the thing is, i can’t. I can’t go back and time and stop myself from doing that and saying that and thinking that. But i do know is i can change my future. i used to feel like i needed to shout to the world what i had done for them to validate me and tell me it was okay, it was in the past, even though i really wanted to tell no one. But through all of that, im still here and alive and i look my family members in the eye again. I know that i hit rock bottom at one point, depression and anxiety was off the walls, and that’s when i started to pursue my faith. I wasn’t dealing with as much shame but i still felt disgusted with myself for what i had done. but, one day when people were praying over me, i was healed overnight. woke up and lowered my medication dosage from 250 to 200. almost no anxiety. no depression. none of those thoughts. and i wasn’t shameful. i knew my mistakes and i knew how wrong they were, but i was able to fully move past it. All this to say, i know you will get through this. I know you will be able to live your life shame free soon. Stay strong ♥️ if you ever need to talk or you have comments, questions, or even concerns, i’m here for them ♥️

lavender1010

Date posted: Yesterday

@JustAJesusLover Hey ! I would love some advice on what to do with POCD if u have any suggestions there . I’ve been really doing my best tryna lean into uncertainty and I keep mentally reviewing my past interactions with my old students and I keep convincing myself I’ve groomed or assaulted them and I’m just driving myself insane . Why would I work 4 jobs working with kids for that reason and I just feel disgusting . I am Christian too but I’ve become so far from God especially in this journey and if you have any help I’m doing OCD CBT therapy rn :)

JustAJesusLover

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

of course! I would say that i know how hard it is to be concerned about my past and what i have done, if im remembering wrong, etc. What i say most is that the fact you are worrying about it shows you are not. Don’t listen to the OCD- it is not ‘yours’ and it is not a part of you. Your voice and OCD’s voice is completely different. God gives grace. I know it’s difficult to stay close to him during this journey, but know he never leaves you. The devil only has as much power as you give to him- so if you focus on God and work on ignoring the voice of OCD, anxiety lessens overtime. I know so much of this is easier said than done, but if have faith that you can do this. The Prince of peace is within you. Remember that. Remember that the bible says that by his stripes we are healed. Do your best. Try your hardest. And i believe, if you work on closing that gap between you and the Lord, the power the devil has over you will be greatly reduced. I believe in you. i’m here for you ♥️ stay strong ♥️♥️♥️

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