Tormented by hentai use over 8 years.

This post is going to be really complicated to make, because it genuinely feels like an issue only I have. I have had an addiction to porn and hentai for a long time now. One of my fetishes is one that is literally impossible in real life, so animated content has been something I've regularly consumed for years. My idea on animated characters was, as long as they aren't so obviously a small child, it was easier to just head canon them as an adult, just because that was easier in the long run. I even mentioned this idea to a friend of mine, and they had agreed with me that it was just easier. But now that my POCD has flared up beyond belief, this ideology doesn't... Work, anymore. I'll see an animation or post of a fictional character aged up, and, despite them LOOKING adult now, I can't help but violently panic over it. So then, the classic OCD rumination began. I remember random videos I've watched pertaining to my fetish (which isn't inherently illegal, mind you) and realized just how many videos probably depicted animated minors (Some so obviously did and I'm so confused as to how I didn't realize it.) and I simply never thought about it that hard. I just told myself "yeah these are adults" because that was easy to do. Or I didn't realize that a particular video was fetishizing something horrible because I wasn't focusing on that. And that's only covering my concerns over animated minors. I have seen so many other weird things depicting animals and what have you that I had viewed in pursuit of my specific fetish(s), and then in retrospect I am like, horribly disgusted. I dunno. Maybe I sound insane. But I just feel so gross. I keep looking back at stuff I had watched without really caring, and am now realizing how truly disgusting some of it was. I was so good at separating this stuff from my reality for a while, but now it all feels like proof that I'm attracted to some of the worst possible things. Despite that never being like... The REASON I was watching any of these things.