I havent been on here in a while and honestly stuff has been getting worse. I legitimately feel like I'm crazy, but sometimes it comes in waves. For a bit I may be feeling fine and then I get an odd feeling and just feel off and the instrusive thoughts start getting worse. These thoughts are literally eating me alive. I love my parents and I would be devastated if anything happened to them, but I feel like I'm the danger and I hate it. I find myself leaving the house as often as I can and when I come back at night I literally get the worse feelings. They already know about this and I've been seeing a doctor about it, but cant get a psychiatrist appointment until jan 22 ?. At this point I dont even consider it ocd I just think I fucked my brain up with drugs.

Thank you man. I do spend most of my time at home but sometimes it's just way too much emotionally and physically so I tend to get out with friends most night and toke. Besides weed and cigs I've stopped all other drugs. The ritual of smoking sometimes feels like the only piece of mind I get. That and being with friends helps as well. I just hate how quickly I've gone from almost accepting myself to hating myself more than I ever have, even when my depression was bad and i had suicidal thoughts. I'm sorry to hear the holidays have been difficult for you, they have for me as well so dont feel alone. I dont think I've cried more consistently ever before than I do now. I've been trying so hard to push thru and its it's so hard.

Mine seem to attack me no matter what. Playing video games, listening to music, watching a movie. I understand how you feel, I wish we could jus delete shit like this outta our brains. I hate how mine seems to be against me all of a sudden.

@TwylerGuy12 Wow we have a lot in common haven’t played a game in a month and barely ever listen to music where as before I did 2-4 hours a day. This disorder fucking sucks. But let’s stay strong. It’s literally all we can do. Do what we used to and try our best to enjoy it.

@lulu23 Stay strong guys!

Quiting weed sounds impossible because I've been smoking everyday day for so long, and at this point smoking with my friends feels like the only peace I have, if even for just a bit. I've been smoking since sophomore year and never had any problems until now, which it seemed more likely to me that my recent psychedelic abuse was the problem, which I've completed stopped.

@TwylerGuy12 I get you, for 10 years I used to smoke weed, but for the last 2 years it's been so hard, especially after realising what OCD is and how long I've dealt with it. I loved it and stopping was so fucking hard, but it'll be worth it trust me. It's worth a try if you are struggling this much, as stopping has helped me a lot. Entirely up to you tho, but your docs would say same thing if you're having these issues. At least cut down if you smoke a lot and it might improve your mood when you're not high.

@charliebee I'm not opposed to cutting it off, I have no desire on my own besides now what seems like my mental health being on the line. Itll be easier I feel like to cut back rather than stop cold turk, but cutting back in and of itself will prove to be difficult. But if you can stop after 10 years I can definitely attempt after 2. Props to you btw, its it's not easy, especially when its it's your get a away.

@TwylerGuy12 Yeah give that try mate, hopefully cutting down will help you a bit. Definitely see a GP too as they will be able to guide you more with the issues you're having with mental health. Thanks man, all the best to you and hope things get easier.