Own stories about staring

For what it’s worth, so many of us experience and can relate to the very same things. The fact that these thoughts are bothersome to you is a measure of your sound moral foundation. But OCD is cunning - it loves to take you down the hole to shame and self-loathing. With the right support and knowledge, I know things can get so much better. Good luck!

I’m working on this same thing rn, I wish you the best! Keep fighting for yourself with POCD!

I know it’s hard. And im no expert, yet I’m just starting the ERP training with an OCD therapist I luckily found through my great talk therapist, recc. books: Sally Winston “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts” (check out Needing to Know for Sure and Anticipatory Anxiety if you like her writing). Go your own pace, take care of yourself. I’m in a much better place now and I agree with you, I used to really hate myself for these thoughts. I’m still in the middle of it, so I’m no “ocd conqueror”, yet I don’t hate myself anymore because of them and I’ve accepted that after work when my brain is more “sticky”, those thoughts will be yelling for my attention. Keep distance from your thoughts, and keep on!

Mediating has helped me tons to build distance, and I found those resources on Healthy Gamer Guide online, yet I know that costs $$. There are lots of free options out there, and lol I got stuck into doing mediation ‘perfectly’ yet that was my ocd talking. Don’t forget it’s okay to mediate ‘really badly’ or just for like one minute.

Thank you both for sharing — this was all so helpful and reaffirming for me! I think it might also be OK for us to accept that looking is not the same thing as acting upon what one sees — kind of like: “look, but don’t touch.” When I catch myself staring this way, I can sometimes just force myself to switch my stare on something completely different (like a tree, the clouds, a building). The gravitational pull to look back at the person/child can be intense, but holding my stare on the other object and white-knuckling it through the discomfort is an ERP strategy that will lessen the power of my POCD over time. None of this is easy. We take in our world through our senses — so looking itself is not necessarily bad or wrong. It’s the thoughts and rumination and second-guessing and self-deprecation that takes us down. Not sure any of this even makes sense. I’m clearly not there yet. Thanks again for your courage to share!