Feeling vulnerable

I've always suffered from OCD for as long as I can remember, way before I got diagnosed, but in 2021 it got really bad to the point where I literally fell apart, my life fell apart, it broke me to the point where I thought I'd never be able to get back up again. But somehow I did, I kept going and now I'm here. My OCD is by no means gone but if I was to tell my 21 yo self that we're still here and still keeping on going, I don't think she'd believe me, but despite it all we did. But OCD has consumed a big chunk of my life, most of my 20s, to the point where I feel very vulnerable in the world, I don't feel like I'm where I should be in life. I feel so behind. I look around and I've stayed in the same place but everything around me has moved on. So many of my family, friends and people I know have moved on with their lives, they're in relationships, they have homes of their own, they drive cars, they've gotten married, they've started families, they've done so much and I feel like I've barely achieved anything. I have a great job and amazing colleagues, family and friends who I cherish with my whole heart, but I can't help but feel like a burden to them all. I've been shackled to OCD and despite the fact those shackles are a little looser now, I'm still tethered to it, I think I always will be, I know it'll never truly go away and I'm okay with that, but I can't help but feel so lost, like I've been left out in the cold and now things are a little bit easier, I'm just not sure I know how to move forward. The last date I went on and the last relationship I was in was 5 years ago and only lasted a few months because my OCD was still very bad and I felt it was unfair to put my ex through all of that, he just didn't know what to with me, I was a real wreck. I'm having driving lessons but all my friends got their licenses years ago and despite the fact I'm doing okay on my lessons I'm very nervous and feel like I'm pressuring myself sometimes to get it over and done with to catch up with my friends which means I make mistakes a lot. Marriage and family plans are definitely not on the cards for me anytime soon and I'm okay with that and despite the fact I feel ashamed a lot of the time to still be living at home at 26 when someone of my friends own their own homes, I know I wouldn't flourish living on my own and I love my family and feel safe and happy living with them so I'm content with where I am for now. I feel like I've just been surveying life from a distance these last few years, everything changing around me but me staying exactly the same and now I'm at a point in my life where I'm strong enough to join in again I just don't feel like I know how, like it's easier to just stay as I am even though I don't want to. Everything feels stagnant, I feel like I need to discover who I am as a person again, but I'm just not sure how to do it.

kirby64

Date posted: 13h

i totally get it. everyone progresses in all walks of life at a different rate, and not everybody wants the same things. some people will have xyz possessions and accomplishments at a certain point in their life for whatever reason, others get them later for whatever reason, and some don’t want them at all, and that’s ok. it is never too late to start on anything, you will always have plenty of time. I know it’s easier for me to just say these things than it is to internalize, but keeping it in mind helps ease the thoughts. on social media, immediacy and urgency is very popular, but the truth is that things can and will take time. you aren’t wasting it. you’ll get to it when you’re ready. i’m not big on CBT but it sounds like behavioral activation might help at least a little with the last bit, paying close attention to the things you do and how they make you feel could offer some direction.

Obsessive.Aq...

Date posted: 5m

Thank you 😊 I have to keep reminding myself of that, I'm not behind in life, it's my life and decide what happens and when, I totally agree social media and modern living really seem to make things harder like it's more urgent to keep up with everyone else to fit in, I've never heard of behavioural activation before I'll check it out thank you :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 12h

I strongly related to this. I developed OCD and panic disorder and agoraphobia around the age of 12, they all influenced each other a lot and made everything impossible for me. I wasn't allowed to get therapy or meds so I didn't know I had OCD until this last October. In the meantime life passed me by and I kept trying and failing many things. I'm almost 26 now, but I got my first ever job at 24 and that was huge for me. And now I'm about to go back to college, another thing I thought I'd never do. I still struggle a lot with my OCD and other issues but everyone does life at their own pace, and it's okay if it takes you longer. I made a list of things I'd do if OCD wasn't controlling my life when I started treatment and although I cried a lot making the list, I keep going back to it to remind myself why I'm in therapy and getting to slowly check off items feels amazing. Focus on your own wins, celebrate them thoroughly, and be gentle with yourself. You're comparing yourself to people who weren't in the same situation dealing with the same variables. You're doing amazing 👏

Anonymous

Date posted: 12h

I didn’t get my drivers license until I was 28 years old. I just wasn’t ready until then and that’s okay. I’m now 31 and I’m married, have a daughter, and my wife does not have her license, she’s 35. I drive us everywhere, whereas before I was driven everywhere. Point is, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how you feel about it and that only matters to you. It’s normal to feel this way in your 20s, I felt this same exact way at 26 as you do at 26. It does get better with time and time takes time.

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