You are not your thoughts!

To anyone struggling with OCD right now, I really hope you know how much strength it takes to keep going when your own thoughts feel overwhelming. OCD can make you question things you never thought you would question. You can spend hours thinking about one thought, one feeling, one memory, or one possibility and still feel like you haven't gotten anywhere. You can wake up feeling okay and suddenly have one intrusive thought completely change the direction of your day. Then comes the questioning. Why did I think that? What does it mean that I thought it? Why did I react that way? What if I secretly wanted it? What if I don't actually know myself as well as I thought I did? What if I'm missing something? What if I never feel certain? You can know the answers logically and still feel the need to ask again. You can tell yourself you've already gone over it a hundred times and somehow your brain still finds another detail to examine. You might find yourself checking your feelings, replaying memories, searching for reassurance, analyzing your reactions, or trying to figure out exactly what a thought means about you. And when you finally get a moment where your mind feels quiet, OCD can make you question that too. “Why am I calm?” “Should I still be worried?” “Does feeling okay mean something?” It can be unbelievably exhausting. I know how easy it is to become frustrated with yourself. You might wonder why you can't just stop thinking about it. You might feel embarrassed about the things your brain comes up with. You might be scared to tell someone because you're worried they'll misunderstand you. Please be gentle with yourself. You did not choose your intrusive thoughts. You don't have to be ashamed of having them. A thought appearing in your mind does not define your character. Your brain can produce things that feel completely opposite to your values, and you don't have to figure out why every single time. You deserve to have moments where you aren't monitoring your own mind. You deserve to laugh, talk to people, watch your favorite shows, listen to music, go outside, do your hobbies, and enjoy your life without feeling like you need to solve every thought first. And if you're currently stuck in an OCD spiral, please remember that you don't have to figure everything out tonight. You can leave the question unanswered. You can let the uncomfortable feeling exist. You can continue with your day while your brain is still asking questions. You can remind yourself that uncertainty is uncomfortable, but you can handle being uncomfortable. Recovery can take time. There can be difficult days. There can be moments where you feel like you've made progress and then suddenly have another bad spiral. That does not erase everything you've worked for. Please keep going. There is so much more to your life than the thoughts OCD gives you. There are places you haven’t seen, people you haven’t met, experiences you’ve yet to experience, foods you haven’t eaten, etc. You are still here. You are still trying. I hope one day you look back and realize that you spent so much time being afraid of your thoughts when you deserved to be living your life. Until then, take it one moment at a time!! You’ve. Got. This.