Romantic Burnout from OCD?

I think very frequently about my love life, mostly reflection on where I’m currently at and how I feel about potential partners in my life. Sometimes, things are quiet and there’s not many prospects, while sometimes, things are loud and there are multiple prospects. Right now, I’m in a period where there are people in my life I’d like to go out with, but I just have absolutely no mental energy to do so. I have no desire to pursue any of these prospects because I keep overthinking everything that could happen, like “what if we get together” or “what if I miss out on my true partner” or “what if this ends like my last relationship.” All of these horrible thoughts are from my OCD, no doubt about it, and I’ve just been so preoccupied on finding my person for SO long that I find it impossible to live my life without that search. It feels like it’s eating me alive from the inside out. It’s almost like I can’t be happy. When I have nobody to get involved with, I wish I had a girlfriend. When I might be getting involved with someone, I’m scared to commit. Doubt doubt doubt. I just want to be content with where I’m at, and I wish there was a way I could be completely 100% assured that the right woman would come into my life someday. I’ve raised this concern to people in my life before, but the response has always been “you’re only 22, you shouldn’t be thinking about finding a serious partner right now” or “the right person will come along when you stop looking.” That doesn’t help me calm my nerves 🥲 anybody else felt this way before?

Rumination_S...

Date posted: 15h

I really relate to the “doubt doubt doubt” part of this. I think one of the hardest things with OCD is realizing that the thing we desperately want, 100% certainty, is the exact thing we’re never going to be able to get. Nobody can know for certain that they’ve found “their person,” that a relationship will work out, that someone better isn’t out there, or that they won’t regret a decision later. And OCD absolutely HATES that. I’m married and OCD can still find ways to make relationships something to analyze instead of something to actually experience. I’ve learned that trying to figure out exactly how I feel, whether something is “right,” what something means for the future, etc. usually just gives me another thing to question. Maybe the goal doesn’t have to be figuring out whether one of these women is your person before you pursue anything. Maybe it can just be, “I like this person and I’d like to go on a date with her.” That’s all you actually have to know right now. The rest can be uncertain. And I wouldn’t even try to convince yourself that the right woman WILL eventually come along, because OCD can turn that reassurance into another thing to check. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. Maybe one of these women is someone you’ll spend your life with, maybe she isn’t. You’re allowed to live your life while not knowing yet. Which I know is way easier to type than it is to actually do 😂 but that’s kind of the whole annoying point of ERP.

Taoiseach

Date posted: 9h

@Rumination_Station Coming from you, someone who has stood at the altar, this means a lot to read 😭 thank you. It is a bit dumbfounding to read that, yes, even after you marry someone, those over-analyzations can still creep in, but it’s only further proof of the fact we will never have 100% certainty. I view marriage as a very sacred institution, and what love can be shared between two people as one of the greatest things we can experience, but I think I need to realize that I can still see it these ways, but also accept that I just need to live in the present rather than try to predict the future. I’m not a psychic no matter how much I may want to be 😮‍💨

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