Looking for people in my situation

I see a lot of young people and people new to their OCD journey on here I also see a lot of people that have careers, partners, and children I’m wondering about people who are so far into their journey, who’ve tried so many things, but have ultimately regressed, and still can’t support themselves, or imagine another 10, 20, or 30 years like this? I do have more diagnoses than OCD. Every year that passes I accumulate more problems as a result of trying to survive this life while navigating my conditions. I don’t have a quality of life. I spend as much time as I can sleeping. I hate this existence. I had dreams, but one by one I’ve had to give up on them. I didn’t give up without a fight. And now I’m just depleted.

a.lea

Date posted: 22h

i'm in a similar situation. i was diagnosed with ocd when i was 11, and started therapy then. after several years my harm ocd did get significantly more manageable, but i never really learned how many other mental patterns were also related to ocd, like ruminating about actual real-life situations, rehearsing conversations, seeking reassurance etc. i also have very severe generalized anxiety that ive dealt with my whole life, and despite many many years of therapy, ive never really found solutions that have stuck. in the last few years ive developed several chronic illnesses, and been diagnosed with both adhd and (very recently) level 1 autism. life is so exhausting and i have all but given up on therapy. i don't know if there is a therapist that exists who can take on ALL of this. i'm extremely lucky to have a loving partner who supports me through all of this, but the beginning of the relationship was extremely hard due to the ocd and anxiety. after losing a very cushy part-time job recently and getting one interview after applying for all the relevant jobs that exist in my town, i have been in a state of panic all day after learning that this job requires overtime. working full-time is already going to be pushing it and going to be very hard to manage but i need the money and if im offered this job im torn about what to do as i have no other prospects. didn't mean for this to turn into a whole venting session for myself but tldr; im honestly still very lost and life kinda feels impossible. i wish i had the answers but know you are not alone 💙

sick&tired

Date posted: 11h

@a.lea Thank you so much for your empathy 🙏🏽 we definitely have similarities. I was diagnosed ~ 15 years ago with OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. And very recently diagnosed with autism level 1 & combined ADHD. Also currently in trauma therapy I’ve been told I meet the criteria for PTSD. Over the years I’ve tried prescriptions, intensive treatment programs, TMS for depression (I’m hoping to repeat it for OCD this time), inpatient treatment, standard outpatient treatment, and self-guided ERP to keep me afloat in between treatments. I’ve read books about my conditions. I’ve been to support groups/group therapy settings. It’s exhausting indeed. And it just never felt like enough? Or that my life would ever resemble anything that could give me relative peace, stability, freedom, and wellness. I feel like I’m just here fighting because I have no other choice. I never imagined that I would become disabled at a young age. And I see not only how the world treats me, but even people that I know are hurtful. I’ve been left behind in a way too. My peers are getting married, having kids, getting promoted. I struggled as an entry-level waitress and now I’m unemployed. I have to live at home. My retirement-aged parents help me. I hate it. Since getting diagnosed with autism/adhd I was told that it’s important to go to a neuroaffirming provider (better yet a provider that is neurodivergent themselves). And I have found several who treat autism, adhd, and OCD. I’ve struggled with a lot of things you mentioned and I always thought it was just OCD. Now that I have the autism and adhd diagnoses, I’m seeing overlap and I wonder (for example) if I’m rehearsing conversations because of the autism, OCD, or both? And maybe that’s why OCD treatment has never been very successful for me — I have more than just OCD, but sometimes the symptoms pass as OCD. So maybe we’re trying an OCD treatment for something that is not even 100% OCD. Idk.😞 that’s why I think we need a provider that has expertise in all 3. Furthermore, I’ve done so much ERP in the past, with limited success. And a couple neuroaffirming providers that I’ve consulted have suggested that it makes sense that ERP hasn’t really worked all that well for me due to my neurodivergence. So now I’m going to try more I-CBT. I highly recommend checking out this directory of neurodivergent providers: https://ndtherapists.com/ I’m glad that you have a support system. I’m sorry to hear that this new job is becoming a stressor. Have you considered an online/remote job? There are entry level roles for customer service or admin that might be lower stress and can give you the flexibility to work from home and manage your chronic illnesses? Also, if you do accept the current job, you are entitled to certain accommodations based on the Americans with Disabilities Act (if you’re in the U.S., and I’m sure lots of countries have the equivalent). I’m not a lawyer, but please look into it! I believe they have to give you reasonable accommodations (employers who have 15 or more employees are usually required to provide reasonable accommodations. Some state and local laws may require that employers with fewer employees provide reasonable accommodations.) I don’t know what that looks like for you and your specific needs, but definitely work with your provider on that. You have rights! I’m sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Dealing with insurance is a huge nightmare and turning into a part time advocate for yourself is a whole job in and of itself! I am proud of you for looking after yourself. We’ve been given incredibly difficult circumstances. But our lives are still worth living. And there is a combination of treatments out there that can help us manage our conditions better. We just have to keep going. And we have to be kind to ourselves and rest when we need it and know when to ask for help. I really wish you the best. 🩷 Thanks for sharing and making me feel less alone.

sick&tired

Date posted: Yesterday

And again, I don’t mean to trigger anyone. Your life has value no matter what you’re capable of doing. I’m glad that you’re still here. Please don’t give up. Resources - https://988lifeline.org/ https://reasonstostay.org/

apricot tort...

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey I am so sorry you feel this way. I'm probably not your target audience as I'm a young person new to the OCD journey, if one could call it that. But because of that I deal with constant anxiety and paranoia about the "future". What doesn't help me is imagining the future right now. OCD tries to keep us either in the past or future instead of the present. Perhaps think about things you can do today or right now that would make you even a little bit happy or possibly amused. Dreams don't necessarily need to be of grandeur or huge success. You can also dream for stability and comfort. Your dream can be of literally anything, and just because you had to give up on past dreams doesn't mean you can't have new dreams.

sick&tired

Date posted: Yesterday

@apricot tortoise Thanks for taking the time to write this! You’re right of course, about living in the present and dreams shifting. Not being able to hold a job unfortunately makes it hard to do much, especially having any sense of stability. I did go to university, I did try to change jobs, I have tried entry-level positions that don’t require any education requirement. Now I depend on Medicaid and I know life on disability is not easy. It probably won’t be enough to cover my basic needs. I wish people knew that it wasn’t a matter of not trying hard enough (not talking about you, but society, and even peers look down on you based on what you can contribute). You know I was accepted to medical school? That dream was not possible with my level of OCD. I gave it up and became an engineer. I gave that up too and had more jobs. I took more classes. Most recently, I was a waitress. I still struggled. But I don’t mean to discourage you, I’m just speaking my truth. Just starting out on your OCD journey is really hard. I’m glad you found NOCD and I hope it has provided you with a sense of community. I’m proud of you for showing up for yourself. You’re not alone. 🩷 People live full and wonderful lives with OCD. You’re right, it’s about living in the present and not borrowing suffering from the future / not beating ourselves up over the past. I wish you luck on your journey. I hope you can do something nice for yourself today!

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