Pocd and fear of filling stereotypes

ik ps can look like and act like anyone but i am scared Ik the stereotype of a p is someone who is like shut in, no friends, unattractive, corn addiction Before all this i already had bad social anxiety and critical about my looks, but at least then i knew the problem was just i had to work on lke people skills and self esteem Like i was just an average loser college girl and thats it But now any compassion or assurance i have in myself is completely gone. I feel fear when i look in the mirror and feel ugly, because it feels im already that stereotype and already a p. I fear that because of my looks i was always just going to end up a horrible person because my self esteem made me look for attention in bad places and be exposed to horrific things, i wasnt able to experience normal relationships like other girls But it was all my choice to do those things!! At the time i just felt miserable and insecure and honestly just didnt put enough effort into normal human interaction I just dont feel like a normal person!! Like i know theres nothing special about me but i feel like an alien Ive always considered alt clothing to be cool but i feel like in some way if id start wearing alt clothing Ill fullfill some sort of stereotype like its just manifesting like itll happen So i just want to resort to free and “clean” looking ways of dress idk?? Also i watched a video talking about how someones name like “manifests” their future like Usain BOLT - fastest man alive And im just like was i always DESTINED to become/be a horrible sick person ??? As for the addiction i cold turkeyed stopped interacting with it after my thoughts starting coming in because i was so horrified that maybe it started to rewire my brain and i was becoming or already became a monster But now im thinking because ik a p can be literally anyone doesnt matter what they look like that makes it worse because its like its coming for me theres no hope it doesnt matter if i try to prevent it I feel sick