I need some advice pls

I came out as a lesbian last year and have recently started exploring dating. I’m on dating apps, but I constantly find myself checking and questioning whether I’m actually attracted to someone, both romantically and sexually. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared to meet people in real life because I’m worried I’ll keep analyzing my feelings instead of just enjoying the moment. It’s honestly exhausting. I just want to live, meet people, explore my sexuality, and experience things naturally without constantly questioning everything I feel. Can anyone give advice? I am also scared to have sex bc what if I dont get turned on? or wet?

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

When I was 19 I got into my first relationship. He was even my first kiss. I remember thinking to myself “Is that all? Is this what all the hype is about?” I stayed with him for about 4 years even though I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. I noticed myself starting to become attracted to women during the last year of our relationship. I broke up with him and decided to explore my options. In my mid to late twenties I ended up dating all sorts of people — men, women, non-binary and trans people. I went through all the labels: lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc. I did not know what I wanted or who I was, I just let myself explore life! I’m in my 30s now and I’m engaged to a man. Sometimes I still get thoughts like “What if I’m gay and realize too late?”, “Why do I feel like I enjoyed sex with women more? Am I gay?” etc. At the end of the day, we are complex beings, thoughts are just thoughts, I know I love my partner, and life is all about feeling uncertain and living it anyway. The discovery and exploration is where all the fun is if you let yourself just be without holding expectations. If you don’t get turned on, that’s okay! If you don’t get wet, that’s also okay. My first relationship I thought I was asexual because I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t realize it until after I noticed my attraction to women. That’s when I started exploring, that’s when you learn what you like, what you turns you on, what doesn’t work for you, what your boundaries are, etc. I’ve been with people I didn’t find super attractive but the chemistry was there, and also people who are attractive but the chemistry wasn’t there. I know it’s scary and intimidating, but it’s also kind of exciting and freeing. I don’t know if sharing my experience helped at all, but it’s okay to live life imperfectly! Be safe and have fun!

melodyyylauri24

Date posted: 14h

@ebpink 🎀 thank you so much for ur reply it helped me so much🥹 I am just so scared to lead someone on yk bc I dont want to hurt the person😔

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

@melodyyylauri24 I know it’s scary! No one wants to hurt another person, but it happens and it’s part of life and it’s okay. I’ve definitely hurt a lot of people in my life, and I’ve definitely been hurt, but eventually everyone moves on and they meet the person they’re supposed to be with. When you look back at your life you realize everything works out exactly how it’s supposed to, and you’ll have some really interesting stories to look back on, good or bad. :)

melodyyylauri24

Date posted: 13h

@ebpink 🎀 can I ask how you go about dating? Like how do I know I have chemistry and stuff with someone? I am 22 and I feel so lost😔

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10h

@melodyyylauri24 Hm, well I think with chemistry it’s more of an undeniable, easy feeling. I know OCD can make that difficult to decipher sometimes, but from my experience I can have a handful of “failed” connections, but there will be some every so often that makes you feel like you’re not even trying when you’re with them.. it just works.. but that takes trial and error, going on dates, talking to people you find interesting, putting yourself out there, etc. I’ve met a couple on dating apps. It never really went anywhere beyond sex with some of them, but that’s okay. I was discovering myself, I’m sure they are too. We’re all human, none of us have it figured out. It helps finding people who are like you and just exploring. It takes the pressure off from talking to someone looking for a serious relationship. It’s also okay to change your mind. If you like someone at first and decide later that you’re actually not that interested in them, that’s okay too!

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Date posted: 15h

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